Yesterday I learned a new to me worship song.  There were parts of it that were great but the end really grated.  It was the Noel and Tricia Richards song 'Filled with Compassion' the last verse of which says...

From every nation we shall be gathered,
Millions redeemed shall be Jesus' reward.
Then He will turn and say to His Father:
"Truly my suffering was worth it all!"

Is it me, probably it is, but I don't recall anything about 'reward' in the reasons for the cross, there was no 'if I do this then my Father will reward me.'  As I came to this verse - of a hymn/song that has some great ideas expressed - I was dismayed, it contradicted, or so it felt, everything I understand about the cross, about Christ's kenosis, about atonement, about Christ's character.  Maybe it is me, but I really cannot envisage Jesus looking around heaven/eternity/new creation and saying 'yup, actually you know what all that pain, isolation and death was worth while because this is the outcome.'  Surely part of God's risk was that even despite all this we would choose the way that deals death rather than the way that deals life.  To me this last line feels too human, too mercenary almost - how many souls saved is enough to make it worthwhile?  My understanding has always been that one would have been enough justification.  I don't want to knock someone's heartfelt response to God, but when I got to the end of this hymn I was left thinking 'not quite...'

Over the weekend my college prayer diary arrived.  I am always pleased to receive this, though have to confess to being rather a sporadic prayer-for the old place.  What I do enjoy is reading through it and seeing how life is moving along in an around Manchster.  Sometimes there are acronymns that are meaningless and often names of courses and programmes that did not exist in my day!

Reading through this one, I decided I'd been around quite a long time actually and know a scarily large number of the churches mentioned.  One of my former placement churhces was mentioned as having a student working with them.  I was, on balance, glad to see this; it is a church that has had some tough experiences and all credit to them and their minister that they now feel able to take on another student.  There was a little church in Derby where I was in membership 20 years ago (ulp!) and I was excited to think they are now able to support a student - I hope pastorally as well as practically.  There was one of the little Warrington churches where I used to preach occasionally, and a lady in the front row always slept through my sermons.

Today I am off on a course to learn how to support "baby" ministers - it is fitting therefore to look back as well as forward, to be grateful for those who have supported me in my ministry thus far.  In some ways it's hard to believe it is 5 years since I left college or that I left industry almost 9 nine years ago - where do the years go?

I will continue to pray, sporadically, for my old college, trusting that God will continue to bless the work that enables people like me to grow in undertsanding and be equipped to serve Christ's church.