Beau lines are white, sometimes ridged, lines that run horizontally across finger/toe nails that have suffered damage within the nail bed, for example due to chemotherapy.  As my nails recover and return to their old incredibly fast growth rate, I notice the Beau lines moving higher and the 'through the way' splits between layers at the finger tip end of nail.  I fear that once the lines near the top my nails may break off as the tranverse and laminar splits experience too much stress.  So it's back to nail varnish... but clear this time as it's just acting as glue.

My nails are a sight to behold!  The FEC induced discolouration means the tops are like smokers nails whilst the Docetaxel damage means the Beau lines coincide with slight flakiness.  Within a couple of months my finger nails will probably be back to normal but for my big toes, with large nails and slower growth, it could be a year.

I like the irony that these lines, named after the scientist who first observed/studied them, have a name that means beautiful.

One of the inevitable, if unjustified, aspects of being a she-preacher is that people feel free to comment on your appearance.  I don't mean the compliments on a well-chosen outfit, I mean the coments that your skirt is too short, your heels too high, your hair style inappropriate (too long/short/coloured/uncoloured/permed/unpermed), your makeup too heavy/non-existent etc. etc.

Since I 'revealed' my uber-short hair it has provoked mixed reactions.  Most people who know me have been very positive, not in a patronising way, but sharing my pleasure in having hair again.  A few people in hospital waiting rooms have been totally freaked, making in depth studies of the window, floor or ceiling - anything rather than look my way.  Most people who work in cafes have the professionalism not even to blink... even when I'm not in the 'trendy West End'.

Yesterday within half an hour I experienced two almost opposite reactions...

Person A "haven't you got a wig....?"

Person B "can I touch it.... wow, it's so soft and fine"

I am sure Person A was well intentioned - and, as there is a tiny risk they will read this, note that I quote it not as criticism but as observation.

I guess all of us sometimes say things that catch people the 'wrong way.'

I continue to revel in my new hair but recognise that some people it can press their buttons, awaken their fears, disturb their ghosts.  Actions can speak every bit as loudly as words.  Overall, though, I feel I've made the right choice for me...

On Friday I will be back at the cancer hospital where it is safe to have hair or not, scarves or not, and no one really bothers.  It's a place where people delight in other people's positives, a place where I have learned a lot for the good.