A few months ago, I had an idea... I shared it with other women in Baptist ministry... then we shared with BUGB/BUS/BUW... and then it became a thing.

So this morning, I've spent around three hours trawling through blog posts searching for bits of liturgy, prayers, poems, short reflections, that might actually have a place in the anthology we are creating.

Almost fourteen years of blogging is one heck of a lot of posts(5047 apparently, I just checked), especially as I never did start categorising them.  So far I have concentrated on 2010-2012, though probably I do need to revisit the earlier stuff once I've finally reached the present (if that makes sense).  There are also a few bits and bobs that I can recall doing that are amidst the twenty years worth of services that inspired the original idea... If I have, and I do, around a thousand sets of prayers, blessings, etc. then in among the ought to be a few worth sharing.

It is a real delight to receive and read the work of other women, and a genuine privilege to be part of the team collating and editing this collection.

Now then... April 2012...

Words matter, language matters, and pronouns matter in ways often more subtle than I, at least, realise.

Yesterday, as I was reflecting on my call to The Gathering Place, I became aware just how much I've allowed the way I tell the story to become about 'me'.  Partly this is inevitable - these are my spaces to write and reflect about my epxeriences.  Partly it's the story I am told, that 'you' (I) am this significant person by dint of what, rather than who, you are: the person whose name is official Baptist history, even as I try my best just to get on with doing my 'job'. Partly, though, it's too narrow, because my story only has meaning as part of our story, whichever 'us' I am thinking about the time - church, denomination etc..

Sometimes - more than sometimes - my fear of fouling up to such an extent that this church would never call another woman, results in a kind of isolating introversion that means I forget this is about 'us', together, making it work.

Sometimes - more than sometimes - my fear of damaging the cause of ordained women in Baptist ministry in Scotland, results in a kind of self-regulation that means I forget that actually this is about another 'us.'

Sometimes - more than sometimes - my inbuilt impostor syndrome causes me to over-reflect on the tiniest errors or misunderstandings, internalising every crticisim or negative comment and forgetting the positives.

Sometimes - more than sometimes - I forget that this is our story, that the church I share also has worries and wounds, and for that I am sorry.

So today, on this Midsummer's Day, as the sky is blue after many days of grey, I will celebrate the 'us' and recommit myself to shape my 'world' with language more plural.

... I sat in my office in Dibley waiting for a phone call.

It was an anxious wait, nothing was certain.

And then it came... a 98% vote in favour of calling me to the Gathering Place.

Had there been space in my miniscule office, and had I been more agile, I'd have turned cartwheels.  As it was, I did a little jump on the spot (after I'd put the phone down) and probably made a celebratory cup of tea before having lunch.

A lot has happened since then. In some areas my thinking/understanding has changed.  In some ways I am far less less confident than I was then - in part because I am so much more conscious of my own mortality.  As expected, the good bits have been much better than I might have imagined, and the worst bits so much worse, that's just the nature of ministry.

A decade on, I love this place and these people very deeply.

A decade on, I remain convinced that this is where God wants me to be.

A decade on - how did that happen!

For what has been, thanks to God, and, tentatively yet faithfully, for what's to be, yes.

I recently spent £25 on an audio e-book version of the 'Bible in a Year'.  In just four days I've listened to fourteen 'days' worth of David Suchet reading the NIV to me, in assorted selections.  He has a very listenable voice, and I've quite enjoyed falling asleep each night to him reeling off genealogies from Genesis!  Because it's dated, and starts on 1st Janaury, I've decided to listen to two or three 'days' at a time to try to catch up a bit (to be fair, I could have leaed straight to June but hey, it's more fun this way!)

Now that I've worked out how to set the app to turn itslef off with a timer, I'm not sleeping through as much, and I am enjoying very much this new-to-me approach to devotional Bible reading!

Yesterday I stumbled across this stunning image by iconographer Kelly Latimore.

Something worth sitting with this Trinity Sunday