Starkly different, as expressed in local idiom... that's my response to switching from Drug A to Drug B last week.

After a month of being a sleepy, lethargic zombie, just five days into the new drug I am transformed!  I seem to have the benefits of not being irritable and grumpy without losing my joy and zest for life.  The new drug has no effect on the flushes or sweats, which are back to full force now, but, so far, I am continuing to sleep quite well.  Indeed, this morning, despite only having had five hours slepp (late night) I woke up ready to go and had to choose to stay in bed a little bit longer in order to rest!

So far, then, so good...

Today's poem is by Welsh poet Gwyneth Lewis, and I love it....

Homecoming

Two rivers deepening into one;
less said, more meant; a field of corn
adjusting to harvest; a battle won

by yielding; days emptied to their brim;
an autumn; a wedding; a logarithm;
self-evidence earned, a coming home

to something brand new but always known;
not doing, but being – a single noun;
now in infinity; a fortune found

in all that’s disposable; not out there, but in,
the ceremonials of light in the rain;
the power of being nothing, but sane.

 

from 'The Word in the Wildnerness' Malcolm Guite pub Canterbury p. 55

Back in 2011, I met a young woman in her early 30s who had just completed her treatment for breast cancer.  Shy, diffident and very private; wise, funny, kind and generous, she was one of the first real world friends I made in this rather odd 'club'.  At the time, the 'baby' of our gang, we watched with baited breath as she began dating, offering the odd word of encouragement and some 'aunty' presence in the background.  Today I am really privileged and thrilled to be getting ready to go to her wedding along with the others who shared those early days.  Our 'baby' has found her life partner, is well and happy - what more could we wish for?

This year I will be at in six weddings (two I'm conducting, four as a guest), each with its own unique backstory... I am a very fortunate woman.

This afternoon I was up at church doing my weekly walk around, and happened to take a few moments to look at the bubls that had managed to survive some vandalism a few weeks back.  Now there are daffodils in bloom and more waiting to burst forth.  This is a wonderful sign of hope and brought a smile to my face on a rather wet and dreich afternoon!

(So that's the 'look away now' hint for anyone who doesn't want to know!)

Yesterday I had my one month drug review with a locum GP who was very nice, and very young and very kind.  As I began to reel off my side effects, she called up the information on the drug I was on and conceded yes, they were linked to it (I am that boring patient who reads the leaflet, so I already knew that, but hey ho, she was only doing her job).  In a slightly odd conversation, I was offered three choices... increase the dose of the drug I was on (really not keen to do that), try another drug for the next six weeks (which I chose) or come off the drugs altogether (highly tempting but I don't want to revert to menopausal monster minister).

Although in the same class of drugs, the way this one is absorbed by the body seems to be different and there appear to be less interactions with my other drugs than the other one, which I hope is a good thing.  A little bit of research suggests that it's not a safe drug for me to be on long term as it can undermine the effects of Tamoxifen, but short term to get back onto an even keel hormonally, it sounds like a small enough risk to accept.

I continue to reflect on what I am learning about myself through all of this, and what purpose (other then telling the world!) it might serve in naming and normalising the experiences of some woman.  I've always been of the 'nothing is wasted' viewpoint, just sometimes it takes a while to work out what is the good learning!