An odd couple of days in prospect, mostly just sitting around and waiting, along with the last of the housework and a few adminstrative tasks.

I now have all the comments on my MPhil work but don't have time to get it tidied and submitted before Wednesday, so it'll have to wait now until after surgery - but it will give me something to focus on then which is probably a good thing.  Given that all the other Baptist researchers I know who started around the same time have now submitted their work there is a healthy incentive to 'keep up.'

So, it's a case of final tidying and cleaning, a few lists to be checked and a bit of stillness before the next adventure.

Not a big day in Baptist circles - and not strictly speaking today either as it should be kept on 2nd February.  An interesting meld of things... the presentation of Christ in the Temple, the purification of Mary after childbirth and, whence its name arises, the blessing of candles.

I recall Clare (of Dancing Scarecrow) sharing how they had marked Candlemas in their little church one dull, cold February, bringing light and colour to the lives of their, mainly older, congregation.  The Candlemas stories are of old people - Anna and Simeon - of faith in adversity, of the tenacity to keep hoping though all seems lost; exactly the kind of people who dance in East Manchester.

I recall another cold Candlemas when I stood with a couple of hundred other women ministers at the end of Downing Street calling on the UK government to 'make poverty history.'  My friend and I had travelled down by train to be part of this, and as we boarded the train for the return journey an older woman spotting the white cloths tied to our arms said "ooooh, were you part of the protest?  How wonderful!'

That same evening the deacons of my little church met with our Regional Minister to discuss our situation, having just had to close our building due to safety concerns and being unsure what the future held for us.

This year on the true candlemas I will be entering my 'forest' as I go into hospital for surgery.  As I do so, there are connections to be made with these past Candlemasses - tenacity, hope, determination, reality...  Yesterday I received a card with the image of a candle flame on it - a light to help me find my way along the forest path.

Candlemas is a 'light' festival and it is good to recall the words from John 1: the light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.

I also recall the Taize chant:

"within our darknest night, you kindle a fire that never dies away, never dies away

within our darkest night, you kindle a fire that never dies away."

Whether we mark Candlemas or not, it is good to remind ourselves of its message of hope in, through and beyond the present moment.

At various times I've said I'd write more about the mechanics of Mt Chemo and never quite got around to it.  Over the last week I've had a go at writing somthing - which turned out to be rather long.  It echoes a lot of official advice but there is a bit of 'how it was for me.'  Whether its of of any use I have no idea, but it's here as a PDF file anyway.

After a bit about me, the key themes are...

• finding appropriate support - accompaniment, accountability and boundaries
• life style and side effects - diet, hair, skin, etc.: 'rules' and personal experiences of side effects
• administration of the drugs
• week 3 treats and other extras/options

It isn't definitive but it as an account by one woman who had what can be termed a 'good experience' of chemotherapy.  A lot of the stuff online understandably reflects bad experiences as people seek reassurance that they are not alone in what happens.  Sometimes, though, it's nice to be reassured that it isn't always awful.

* One thing I forgot to include was that I began with a plan for six cycles of FEC with the option of a switch to T after three cycles.  Although my FEC response was bang on text book my consultants agreed a switch to T would be good rather than wish, retrospectively they'd done so.  Right at the start I was told that around 80% of people have this switch - it seems it is pretty much 'normal' with neoadjuvant chemo to have FEC-T rather than six FEC.  FEC*6 or FEC*3 T*3 - either is a good regime so trust your oncologist.  Maybe one day the knowledge gained will be useful in shaping adjuvant chemo regimes too.