Been a busy few days - good on the whole - and illustrative of this crazy world of being a minister.

Wednesday afternoon was one of those privilege moments when the hard work pays off, as the funeral for baby R went off smoothly, with a sense of peace and completion, release and hope.  There were a few smiles amidst the tears, and a sense that this young couple would be 'OK' despite all they'd experienced.  And one of those 'Holy Spirit' moments when I walked across the grass to meet them (they were too timid to approach the great wooden doors of the chapel) and the mother asked if I could read a poem they'd found on the internet... which was one I'd found in one of my numerous books and then discarded as I didn't have their permission up front to use it.  'Born too soon' is not too mawkish and reflects the mixed feelings such an occasion brings.

Thursday and the discovery of what first class train travel means these days - and that it is no guarantee of them having the food listed on the menu!  Endless cups of free tea and time to read made for a pleasant journey.  The Smoke was mobbed, and I abandoned a visit to the National Gallery as it resembled Blackpool Prom.  Even so, I had a great and useful meeting with R & C whose wedding I will conducting later this year.  It was great to discuss the service with someone who understands about 'mood' and 'movement' through an act of worship, and a couple so obviously at ease with each other.

After a day of sorting and shredding, it was good to have our songs of praise service today.  Church folk were rather thin on the ground, though those who did come brought lots of cake, and I was very glad of around a dozen lunch club people who had come to sing the things they'd chosen.  With the three-fold theme of creation, the cross and God-in-the-everyday the songs formed the basis for a lovely act of worship.  After a couple of cuppas and at least three cakes each (plus a doggy bag) everyone wended their way home.

A very mixed few days then.  Three people I encountered shared the same forename, and the diversity of their circumstances was striking.  The week saw joy and sorrow, laughter and tears, hellos and goodbyes, planning and delivering, God-moments and earthy-moments.  Somewhere in the mix was blessing - given, received, shared.  A week when I know why this is what I am, and why I can do no other...

This week I have been following Lucy's reflections as she prepares for her ordination on Saturday.  With maturity and thoughtfulness she has explored what the promises mean for her at this time.  I have enjoyed reading her thoughts and been challenged to reflect on my own ordination promises, those made at my induction (and which will be made at the next one in October) and of the realities of ministry.

This much I think - have I kept the promises I made?  Well, yes and no.  I have tried, and with God's help, to an extent succeeded, but have not always been able to fulfil them, at least to my satisfaction.  Partly because real life gets in the way!  And yet, maybe, mysteriously, it is in the  failing that we succeed?  This week is maybe a case in point, not a typical week, because actually there are no typical weeks, but a week in which I have struggled to find the time to those things I feel I should do because I've done the things I had to do... and yet in these have found fulfilment and blessing and in some way have done what I'm meant to do.

Among my strengths/weaknesses is what I might euphemistically term a protestant spirituality (or I'm a bit of a workaholic, in plain English) which means winding down at the end of this pastorate is just not happening.  Yesterday I spent most of the day taking someone to hospital, then fitted in a funeral visit for today's service and wrote the service.  This morning I have been preparing Sunday's 'songs of praise' service and doing some admin before I head to the crematorium. Tomorrow is kind of a treat though, a train ride to London to do a wedding preparation visit.  Of these, only the London trip was in my diary, and the week was meant to be spent doing some studying and reflecting as I prepare to move on.  And yet, all the busyness is what, for me, ministry here has been about, is the reality of me doing my best to keep my promises.

Moving on gives me the chance to re-evaluate what those promises mean for a new season.  And maybe that's the point - at one level keeping those promises is impossible but at another it is in the struggles and pressure of real life ministry that they are kept.  I wish I didn't fall asleep saying my prayers, I wish I felt more overtly spiritual... but God, knowing who and what I am called me and equipped me for real ministry knowing how those promises would, with the help of the Spirit, be worked out.

I pray God's blessing on Lucy and others starting to live out their ordination promises and on those who have spent a life time trying so to do.

Tomorrow I have to conduct a funeral for a baby - only the second time I've done this - and I looked back over my notes from the last time to see what I could adapt for this time (I was called yesterday afternoon and don't meet the parents until this afternoon, it's all being done in a rush, at least by local standards).  As I read over my order of service, I found I had used a prayer that I really liked, and which having checked it out is adapted from one of Jewish origin.

Because it is so useful, I have reproduced it here in its orignal form:

Lord, without our consent we are born, without our consent we live, without our consent we die, without our consent our bodies return to the grave and we go forward to life everlasting.  We cannot always understand Your plans and we do not see Your ways, for our minds are overwhelmed and ur eyes too weak.  Yet to comfort us and give us hope You lift the veil of eternity, and we are permitted to know that the world is a corridor, and we are on a journey, that the end is perfection, and the reward is peace.

For a short time You gave into our care a child whom we loved. Our hearts would be broken if we did not know that You are love itself, which makes good all that is lost.  The tears would never leave our eyes if we did not know that at the end You bring all together, with mercy and tenderness, in the gathering of life.  Therefore with sadness and hope we commend the soul of N into your care.  You are with her/him, we cannot fear.

And here is my order of service, with generic prayers, for neonatal or young baby's funeral:

Entrance Music

Opening Sentences and Readings

We meet together today to say our farewells NAME, to give thanks for the love and hope she/he awakened, to celebrate her/his short life and to commend her/him to the care of God. Everyone who is here today has come because, in some way, NAME’s life, and her/his death, has touched their own.

As we meet, we are each aware of our own feelings: of injustice, of shock, of bewilderment, maybe even of anger. These feelings are not wrong; there are questions to which we will never find answers. There are also sources of comfort and hope for a time such as this, and the ancient writing of the Bible, telling the stories of people like us, speaks of a God who understands our pain and confusion and who promises to be with us in every moment.

Matthew 5:4

Jesus said ‘blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted’

Hebrews 13:5b

God has said, ‘I will never leave you: I will never abandon you.’

Deuteronomy 33:27a

The eternal God is our hiding place; he carries us in his arms

Lamentations 3: 21-24 GNB

Hope returns when I remember this one thing:

The LORD's unfailing love and mercy still continue,

Fresh as the morning, as sure as the sunrise.

The LORD is all I have, and so in him I put my hope.

Prayer

NAME had a short life, growing in the quiet security of his/her mother’s womb and X brief [spring/summer/autumn/winter] days/weeks/months in the world we share. In that short time she/he was loved by many, and today our thoughts and prayers are with those who have known and loved her/him best: her/his parents, A and B; sisters …. and brothers …..

Meeting the context of Christian worship, we come into the presence of this same God with our prayers.

Father God,

We come before you now in our brokenness and pain, with our questions and anxiety, needing reassurance that we are not alone in this moment but that you are here with us. Your word tells us that you are a safe place for us, and at this time we seek the sanctuary of your arms.

We come to you to give thanks for NAME, for the hope and love she/he awoke within us, for the dreams we dreamed and the plans we dared to plan. We come to thank you for the way that she/he has changed our own lives for the better and shown us that worth is not measured in years or earthly achievements.

We come to commit NAME and ourselves into your safekeeping, to find a place of release for our grief and the courage to face the future without her/him.

God of healing and compassion, hear this our prayer, which we offer in the NAME of Jesus who said ‘let the little children come to me and do not stop them, for the Kingdom of God beings to such as these.’ Amen.

Hymn/Song, if desired

Poem or other reading, if desired

Bible Reading

Psalm 139: 13- 16a

You created every part of me; you put me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because you are to be feared; all you do is strange and wonderful. I know it with all my heart.

When my bones were being formed, carefully put together in my mother's womb, when I was growing there in secret, you knew that I was there - you saw me before I was born.

Psalm 23: 4

I may walk through valleys as dark as death, but I won't be afraid. You are with me, and your shepherd's rod makes me feel safe.

Address

To acknowledge and celebrate life before birth and, however short, in the world; to name aloud the questions/hurts that are real, recognising there are no satisfactory answers; to give thanks for the hope and love this fleeting life awoke in others, if appropriate recalling special moments; to give hope in the darkness of loss

Hymn or Music, if desired

Prayer

Father God, we thank you for the life of NAME, for the hope and love she/he awakened in her/his parents, siblings, grandparents and wider circle of family and friends. We thank you for the courage and determination she/he showed, clinging to life and allowing his family to know her/him, if only for a moment. Though our hearts are breaking and we will miss her/him terribly, we thank you that she/he is free from suffering and pain.

We pray for her/his parents, for A and B, each needing to be strong for the other (and for their children), yet each one needing space to grieve. May they each find comfort in the love of family and friends at this time. We pray for …. as they mourn their baby sister/brother; please help them to understand what it means to say goodbye to NAME. May they know the security of their family’s love as they find the strength to go on into the future.

We pray for the wider circle of family and friends, to many to name but each with special needs on this day. Help them to support each other and find comfort and hope for the future.

For a short time you gave into our care a little girl/boy to love. Our hearts would be forever broken if we did not have the assurance that you are love and always here with us. Our tears would never stop flowing if we did not know your mercy and tenderness. And so it is as hope and sorrow mix together, that we thank you for NAME and commend him to you. In Jesus name, Amen.

Commendation and Committal

Please would you stand as a mark of repsect for NAME

Heavenly Father, you have given us life and in Jesus you promise a new life, which nothing can destroy. We entrust NAME into your safe-keeping: greet her/him with your love and surround her/him with your healing power so that she/he may live in your presence as a whole child of God, for your glory and delight; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

We have given thanks for NAME’s life, we have commended her/him to the grace of Almighty God, and now we must say farewell and release her/his body to be cremated…

Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust

In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life.

Blessing

The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you. The Lord life up the light of his countenance upon you and give you peace.

Amen.

Music, as desired

This morning I received an email asking me to sign an online petition which said 'it seems this one is genuine, I've checked it out on Google and Facebook'  What?!!!!!!!

I have subsequently checked reliable sources which show the petition concerned to be 'well meaning but misguided' based on a flawed understanding of some complex legal stuff.  Getting petitions taken seriously is hard enough when they are well founded, but this kind of thing flying through the ether only harms their value.

The other week when I was visiting my Mum someone stopped us to sign a petition on warden services for sheltered housing.  She signed it, being directly affected; I declined saying 'I don't live in your area so it would undermine the authenticity of your work.'  'Oh, just put a fake address down' the man said... What?!!!!! (again) - do they really not appreciate that random checks do get done to check authenticity and that good intention is undermined when M Mouse signs yet another petition.

Too much easy information and too little responsibility seems to give authority to twaddle and worse.  But, seemingly, if we want to get taken seriously by the masses then Facebook is the place for pronouncements - how scary is that?

Yesterday we joined D+2 for a picnic and open-air service at Bosworth battlefield.  The sun shone (so presumably their prayers received their desired answer) and a pleasant afternoon was had.  But I was uncomfortable with the choice of hymns - lots of war imagery and battle language - which, whilst it connected with the location and the reading chosen (Jehosophat's victory) didn't sit too well with the daily reports of military deaths in Afghanistan, to say nothing of the civilian deaths in endless violence.  Wars on terror and battles with knife crime... not helpful.  Nor, for me, was singing 'onward Christian soldiers' (a hymn I've never liked anyway!)

This Sunday should be Ephesians 6 - the 'gospel armour' passage, but we are deferring it a week due to a songs of praise we already had planned.  So, what do I do with it?  Last time I spoke on the unhelpfulness of war-imagery I got a load of verbals from a small number of folk at church (I vaguely recall blogging about it at the time and an alternative concept of PPE - personal protective equipment).  At one level the passage is really easy to work with, a nice shopping list of stuff, but in a violent world I need something more to say.

Tricky.