Yesterday I learned a new to me worship song.  There were parts of it that were great but the end really grated.  It was the Noel and Tricia Richards song 'Filled with Compassion' the last verse of which says...

From every nation we shall be gathered,
Millions redeemed shall be Jesus' reward.
Then He will turn and say to His Father:
"Truly my suffering was worth it all!"

Is it me, probably it is, but I don't recall anything about 'reward' in the reasons for the cross, there was no 'if I do this then my Father will reward me.'  As I came to this verse - of a hymn/song that has some great ideas expressed - I was dismayed, it contradicted, or so it felt, everything I understand about the cross, about Christ's kenosis, about atonement, about Christ's character.  Maybe it is me, but I really cannot envisage Jesus looking around heaven/eternity/new creation and saying 'yup, actually you know what all that pain, isolation and death was worth while because this is the outcome.'  Surely part of God's risk was that even despite all this we would choose the way that deals death rather than the way that deals life.  To me this last line feels too human, too mercenary almost - how many souls saved is enough to make it worthwhile?  My understanding has always been that one would have been enough justification.  I don't want to knock someone's heartfelt response to God, but when I got to the end of this hymn I was left thinking 'not quite...'

Over the weekend my college prayer diary arrived.  I am always pleased to receive this, though have to confess to being rather a sporadic prayer-for the old place.  What I do enjoy is reading through it and seeing how life is moving along in an around Manchster.  Sometimes there are acronymns that are meaningless and often names of courses and programmes that did not exist in my day!

Reading through this one, I decided I'd been around quite a long time actually and know a scarily large number of the churches mentioned.  One of my former placement churhces was mentioned as having a student working with them.  I was, on balance, glad to see this; it is a church that has had some tough experiences and all credit to them and their minister that they now feel able to take on another student.  There was a little church in Derby where I was in membership 20 years ago (ulp!) and I was excited to think they are now able to support a student - I hope pastorally as well as practically.  There was one of the little Warrington churches where I used to preach occasionally, and a lady in the front row always slept through my sermons.

Today I am off on a course to learn how to support "baby" ministers - it is fitting therefore to look back as well as forward, to be grateful for those who have supported me in my ministry thus far.  In some ways it's hard to believe it is 5 years since I left college or that I left industry almost 9 nine years ago - where do the years go?

I will continue to pray, sporadically, for my old college, trusting that God will continue to bless the work that enables people like me to grow in undertsanding and be equipped to serve Christ's church.

Tonight the EMBA roadshow hit town - or at least the one 6 miles away - with its theme of mission in a confusing world, based on Acts 17 and Paul at the Areopagus.

It was a great evening - really well put together, and lots of photos sent in by various churches to make it pertinent and appealing (lots of ours, D+2 and D+6).  It was really encouraging and affirming for those of us trying to do mission creatively.

The one sadness was the awful turn out - only about 20 people total, of whom 4 were the Team and only three of us from non-host church (and one of the three was someone from north Derbyshire...).  Subtract the 6 musicians and you get a hint at how poor the turnout was...

One of my people came along, so I was pleased to have some company, but disappointed that 6 out of 8 cluster churches were completely absent and that the D/D+6 divide was as strong as ever - when we were asked to go into small groups someone from D+6 actually moved away from us which felt significant.  Ah me, what a diffenrence 6 miles makes.

Anyway, thank you EMBA team, and if you are in EMBA and reading this, do make the effort to get along when it reaches you so they feel a little less lonely than they must have done tonight.

Sometimes the simplistic read it and pray over it approach is so much more appealing!

OK, so now, having looked at a couple of adequately reputable commentaries I am more, not less, puzzled on how to proceed!

It seems that we begin with one sheepfold and many flocks (John 10: 1-6) since the only reason for the gatekeeper to be present is if this is some kind of communal fold in which various flocks can be accommodated when it is unsafe for them to be out at night.  The shepherd comes along, is recognised by the gatekeeper, calls the sheep and leads them out to the pleasures and perils of open pasture.

Next we have one sheepfold with one flock (John 10: 7 - 13 or thereabouts) where the shepherd acts as the gatekeeper or even the gate to protect the sheep of their own flock.  There may be hired helpers but they are not committed to this flock and will run away when danger comes.

Lastly we have one flock and many sheepfolds (John 10: 14-ish - 16-ish).  Now I am well confused!  I can get my head around the other two images but this one is more tricky.  Are all the sheep to be gathered into one pen - and if so who will guard it while the shepherd is out gathering?  Or is the flock just too big to fit into one pen and so the shepherd has to take them all out and gather them all on the hillside?  I understand the metaphor as alluding to the Nations (Gentiles) but it gets more than a tad confusing to set alongside the others.

Was the writer of John just infinitely cleverer than I am or this actually a very tricky passage to decipher?  It feels like one step forward and two back at the moment as I try to build a coherent picture of a good shepherd.  Maybe Andy is right (see coment on last post) - this shepherd is naughty, not playing by the rules at all.  As for me, I'm just confused.

A week on Sunday I am preaching on 'The Good Shepherd' complete with Psalm 23 and John 10.  It is well trodden territory -  at least by other people, I think I've only done it once, as part of a series on the (predicated) I AM sayings of Jesus.  So, I'm looking for an 'angle' that is less hackneyed.

Unfortunately the only alternative approach I've come across was from someone who was a couple of years behind me at college, and now ministers on the Welsh borders.  Her views on what makes a 'good' shepherd were, well, a bit more James Heriot meets the butcher, to say the least.  Shepherds in her view seemed to have two main functions - getting the lambs out alive and making sure they were fattened up for slaughter.  Hmm.  Not the best route to take with my congregation I suspect!  And yet... maybe with a bit of urban sanitising it has potential...

A good shepherd helps to bring lambs to birth - almost a midwife role I guess.  The idea that the shepherd is present before us, before we are born (or born again) and oversees our birth is quite a powerful one.  There is, perhaps, a hint at prevenient grace - there long before we are able to discern it - bringing us into life in all its fullness.

A good shepherd prepares the lambs to fulfil their destiny - a life of service or even of sacrifice - a nurturing, parenting, teaching kind of a role.  The idea that a shepherd doing the job properly will oversee the growth (physical and otherwise) of the sheep as they prepare, and are prepared, to do whatever it is they do - bearing more lambs, providing wool, providing milk, providing meat, being sacrificed (offered) to God.

Rather than a quaint chocolate box image, perhaps something a little more gritty is more useful?  I'm still open to any other useful ideas - so long as they aren't too explicit on the vetinary or butchery images!