Still thinking about funerals!

Is it me, or do undertakers see ministers as a nuisance in the whole proceedings?  Of the three local undertakers, two will phone me up having already booked a crematorium slot and if I'm not free will move on to the next person on their list.  They seem to assume crem. funerals as normative even for church people, and arrange timings without any consulation, so that they can, in my cynical view, get more funerals into a day.

Today's is a fairly typical example - service 11 a.m. interrment 11:30.  It takes around 10 minutes at hearse speed to get from the church to the cemetry, not counting the time to get everyone out of church and the hearse and cars loaded up.  Counting back, that means 15 minutes for the service, 20 if I'm lucky.  But they won't arrive until exactly 11 a.m. and it'll take at least 5 minutes to get them in...

If I get a church and crem funeral, they usually fix the two an hour apart.  This is tight as, at hearse speed, it's around 20 minutes to the nearest crem.  Granted, the committal only takes a few minutes, so arriving a little late is not a big issue, but even so, there is no room for error.

Probably the least bad - the undertakers preferred option - is crem only.  No room for overrun, clear start and end times... easy.

It really annoys and saddens me that the business of death has become so clinical and cynical.  On the one hand, many families want it all over as quickly as possible because it isn't very nice having to face up to the loss.  On the other, for undertakers the bottom line drives the proceedings.  A good funeral is one that gives space to grieve and time to reflect, that isn't on a conveyor belt (beyond the inevitability at the crem) and is an authentic response to bereavement.

Remind me, when I update my will, to include some very precise funeral arrangements, which will not fit into 20 minutes at church with a scramble to the crem as dictiated by some firm of undertakers.

PS I must write out a hundred lines 'It is crematorium not crem' as I recently got into trouble at church for saying crem