Time for some low-grade twaddle, methinks.

Yesterday my sister's children treated me to a rendition of 'The Ten Constipated Men in the Bible' (though they could only remember three of them!) which someone, I think the new Principal but don't quote me, at Westeminster College Cambridge had sung at the end of term Revue under the heading of 'a feminist theologian reads scripture' or some such.

Having looked on the web, it appears this song, in various versions has been around for at least 30 years, and definitions of constipation seem to include extreme flatulence and diahorrea!  Anyway, just in case, like me, this is new for you, here are some verses I've found...

There were ten, ten, constipated men in the Bible, in the Bible

There were ten, ten, constipated men in the B-I-B-L-E

And the first, first, constipated man it was Adam, he soiled the garden...

And the second, second, constipated man, it was Cain, he wasn't Abel...

 

etc etc....

And in no particular order except as I found them

Moses, he took two tablets

Balaam, couldn't move his ass

Solomon, sat for forty years

Samson, brought the house down

Noah, for forty days only passed water 

Pharoah, who wouldn't let them go (not sure that counts really!)

Joshua blew the walls down

David threw a stone

Peter was like a rock

Titus, the name speaks for itself

Jesus, cleared the Temple (sounds more like too many baked beans to me!)

Jeremiah, broke the chamber pot

Judas whose guts split open

 

I also found a more inclusive version as follows...

TEN CONSTIPATED BEINGS, Or,
Five Constipated Men, Two Constipated Women, One Constipated Fallen Angel, One Constipated Saviour, and One Constipated God in the New Testament

There were ten, ten constipated beings
In the gospels, in the gospels,
There were ten, ten constipated beings
In the holy testament       [or: In the four synoptic gospels)

Now, the first ... was John the Baptist, he had to go before ...

And the 2nd ... Apostle Paul, they lowered him through the hole ...

The 3rd ... Apostle Peter, denied it three times ...

And the 4th ... Pontius Pilate, he had to wash his hands ...

Now, the 5th ... Judas Iscariot, he burst asunder ...

Now the 1st, 1st constipated woman ... Mother Mary, she used the manger ...

And the 2nd ... Sister Martha, she rose up hastily ...

And the one, one constipated fallen angel was Satan, who voided human good works ...

Now the one, one constipated Saviour, was Jesus, he rose after three days
                                OR:   he rode in on his ass,
                                OR: he blew the stone away,

Now, the One, One constipated God, whose name was GOD, who sits till Judgment Day ...

 

Many thanks to those who posted these on various blogs.  Readers feel free to add more verses...!