Way back when (almost five years ago) after what seemed yet another kick in the teeth during the ministerial settlement process a friend of mine said "make like the Psalmists and shout at God." So, today when I am feeling the weight of all that is happening in this little corner of the world, here is my Psalm of Anguish, posted not (I hope) from vanity or self pity but because (a) it helps me (catharsis) and (b) I suspect there are others who feel much the same sometimes...
A Psalm of Anguish
I don’t know what to do, O God,
I don’t know what to do!
In the night I wake with anxious thoughts
By day I drown under issues and events
How much more, O God?
How much more?
This little church, these folk you love
(You do love them, don’t you?)
So battered, so bemused,
So exhausted, deflated, berated…
Hold them in your arms
Shelter them beneath your wings.
How is it of you, O Lord,
To allow such pain, such anger?
How many feet will beat a path to my door
To weep, to shout, to seek answers?
“What kind of a God would do this?”
“Is there even a God?”
Each broken one for whom Christ died
Each wounded soul longing for embrace
And my only answer “I don’t know,
Yet still I believe, I trust”
Is that enough, O Lord?
Is that enough?
Choose this day blessing or curse –
To bless and live
To curse and die
To walk, be it with bandaged feet,To tomorrow
Or to be bound with bitterness
In the now
Lord, I cannot understand,
It is all too much for me to comprehend.
Yet I will choose blessing:
Your servant will refuse discouragement and defeat.
I will follow you, wherever you lead –
Even a valley dark as death,
Even waters that flood over my head,
Even to a precipice where I stand and tremble.
God is my refuge and strength
An ever present help within the struggle,
Therefore I will defy fear
Though the ground give way under my feet.
The steadfast love of God never ceases,
God's mercies never end
They are renewed every morning
So great is God’s faithfulness.
I am no wiser, O Lord,
As to why,
But I choose to trust:
Choose to believe
Choose to hope
Choose to live.
Comments
Thanks for this Catronia - I admire your honesty. It reminded me that ministry is sometimes about anguish and feeling a sense of bewilderment, its what to do in these times I guess is possible key to dealing with it. I like the idea of writing a Psalm of anguish to do something creative with our feelings.
So thanks for sharing this with us. I will try to remember you and the church in my prayers.
Hi Lucy,
Good to hear from you again.
This is a funny old "job" - the good bits are so amazingly good and the bad bits equally dreadful. I am sure that God is with us in all that is weighing so heavily at present - even if it isn't always quite clear how.
Hope all is going well in Bristol and that your Lent/Easter preparations are fruitful.