This arrived in an email this morning.  It shows we understand a thing or three in Glasgow...!  (Caution, language hints at the "strong" so if easily offended, look away now.)  Thanks ST in Leics. for the smile.

REQUIREMENTS FOR HEAVEN!!!
HOW TO GET TO HEAVEN FROM SCOTLAND

I was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven.  I asked them, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?”

“NO” the children answered.

“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?”

Again, the answer was “No”.

By now I was starting to smile.

“Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweeties to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?”

Yet again, they all answered “No”.

I was just bursting with pride for them.  I continued, “Then how can I get into heaven?”

A six year old boy shouted,“YE'VE GOT TAE BE F***IN' DEID”

KINDA BRINGS A WEE TEAR TO YOUR EYE.