Today we are asked to read:

Psalm 105:1-11, 37-45
Jeremiah 30:12-22
John 12:36-43

A right mix of stuff!  The psalm, in its third and final appearance; the scary stuff from Jeremiah; and the usual riddles of the Johannine Jesus.

Just to be awkward, I want to use the John reading and set it alongside the gospel passage used in today's PAYG Matthew 20: 20 - 28

Then the mother of the sons of Zebedee came to him with her sons, and kneeling before him, she asked a favor of him.  And he said to her, "What do you want?" She said to him, "Declare that these two sons of mine will sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your kingdom."
But Jesus answered, "You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I am about to drink?" They said to him, "We are able."
He said to them, "You will indeed drink my cup, but to sit at my right hand and at my left, this is not mine to grant, but it is for those for whom it has been prepared by my Father."
When the ten heard it, they were angry with the two brothers.
But Jesus called them to him and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones are tyrants over them.
It will not be so among you; but whoever wishes to be great among you must be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you must be your slave; just as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many."

Matt 20: 20 - 28 NRSV

While you have the light, believe in the light, so that you may become children of light." After Jesus had said this, he departed and hid from them.  Although he had performed so many signs in their presence, they did not believe in him.  This was to fulfill the word spoken by the prophet Isaiah: "Lord, who has believed our message, and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?"
And so they could not believe, because Isaiah also said, "He has blinded their eyes and hardened their heart, so that they might not look with their eyes, and understand with their heart and turn - and I would heal them." Isaiah said this because he saw his glory and spoke about him.
Nevertheless many, even of the authorities, believed in him. But because of the Pharisees they did not confess it, for fear that they would be put out of the synagogue; for they loved human glory more than the glory that comes from God.

John 12:36 - 43 NRSV

In Matthew, we have a mother seeking status and recognition for her sons, who seem quite content to go along with her suggestion.  In John we religious authorities keeping quiet about their faith in order to preserve their social standing.  The common theme seems to be self-aggrandisement, whether in the eyes of human peers or in the Kingdom of God.  I find both of these challenging. 

I like to be liked.  I don't just like it, I want it.  To be accepted.  To be valued.  To be appreciated.  Sometimes that may lead to me being silent when I should speak, inactive when I should act.  Sometimes it means that I get pulled this way and that by competing, but equally compelling, arguments or loyalties.  In the very earthy, human dimension, the approval of people probably does, all too often, exercise more of a pull than is helpful or healthy.

The desire of the brothers to sit alongside Jesus, to be his right-hand man and his left-hand man, hints at a desire to play God, to exercise God's authority over others.  And that challenges me to.  I cringe when I hear people speak too boldly that 'God says X' or, worse, 'we shall sit on thrones in judgement over the earth' and so on.  But do I, sometimes, try to play God?  I like to think not, and it offends my Baptist credentials, but as a minister, what authority do people invest in me or, in my opinion, foist onto me?  And how, then do I exercise that?

Lord God

I read these uncomfortable words

And I squirm

All too conscious of the times that the words I write

Are tickling to the ear

At least for some

The ones whose approval I value

Or yearn for

Lord God,

I read these uncomfortable words

And I cringe

All too conscious of the times that the words I speak

Are self-righteous

Or judgemental

Of the ones who mean little to me

Lord God,

I read these uncomfortable words

Squirming

Cringing

Recognising within myself

The vanity of self-seeking

The aspiration to status over truth

Acclamation over authenticity

Security over servitude

Lord God

Can I take the cup you offer?

Can I surrender to your Lordship

No matter what cost?

Trembling

Fearful

(and still wanting someone to like my words)

I repeat again

My whispered

Amen