Some of the parables in the gospel of Luke are pretty scary.  This morning, PAYG used this one from Luke 12:

...the Lord said, ‘Who then is the faithful and prudent manager whom his master will put in charge of his slaves, to give them their allowance of food at the proper time? Blessed is that slave whom his master will find at work when he arrives. Truly I tell you, he will put that one in charge of all his possessions. But if that slave says to himself, “My master is delayed in coming”, and if he begins to beat the other slaves, men and women, and to eat and drink and get drunk, the master of that slave will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour that he does not know, and will cut him in pieces, and put him with the unfaithful. That slave who knew what his master wanted, but did not prepare himself or do what was wanted, will receive a severe beating. But one who did not know and did what deserved a beating will receive a light beating. From everyone to whom much has been given, much will be required; and from one to whom much has been entrusted, even more will be demanded.

It is scary stuff, rarely reflected upon let alone preached upon, partly, I suspect because it is primarily to ministers and preachers that it speaks.

Way back, I can recall chatting with someone about my call to ordained ministry, and observing that my biggest fear was that I would say or do, or not say or do, something that damaged someone else's faith or hanpered its development.  That concern is always at the back of my mind, and is probably why I pull up short of logical conlcusions sometimes - a kind of pastoral (misguided maybe?) concern.

This parable scares me.  It scared me when I heard it read today.  Not in a bad way, in a good way... it shakes me out of my complacency and comfort; it challenges me to consider if I am stuffing my metaphorical face and leaving others metaphorically hungry.  It reminds me of the much that has been entrusted to me, and the consequent expectations.

It disturbs me but it does not undermine me.  A few years back when 'Fresh Expressions' was all the rage, I bought a DVD of stories (I lent it to someone in Juxta Dibley and never saw it again!).  One story was from a Methodist minister who said that when he had to give account of his life to God he would simply say 'I tried my best'.  That's all we can do.  That's all God requires of us.  Not perfect understanding, not fully honed theolgoy, not unshakeable faith... just that we do our best with what we have been given.

Sometimes, God, I fear I am that servant

The one who has forgotten who and what they are

Who is careless or selfish

Not caring as she should for those entrusted to her care

Not sharing the new insights you give

Not doing as I should

Sometimes, God, I fear I have failed

Or am failing

Or will fail

To be

To do

What you require

And yet I keep trying

For that is all I can do...

Forgive me my faults

Strengthen my resolve

And let me keep on trying...