My practice of listening to the service from the week before continues to bless my Sunday mornings - with the luxury of sitting in a comfy chair with a cup of tea, and having my slippers on my feet!

The call of Jeremiah and the 1 Corinthians 13 'Hymn to Love' must be two of the passages that have cropped in my life more often than almost any others.

I recall during the seond year I was at Vicar School being set an essay along the lines of "is there a model for ministry in the book of Jeremiah".  I felt the mark I was given and the comment that "it didn't need to be a model for ordained ministry" were both a little unfair.  The latter was certainly true, and I can't help but feel that my decision to explore it as 'ordained ministry' ought to have earned me marks for contextualisation, it was after all a 'contextual theology' degree...  Anyway, what struck me then, and remains the case now in my own experience umpteen years later, is that the clear, unambiguous sense of God's call, the divine "it's you" whether heard or felt or discerned by others, is crucial in surviving the reality of ministerial life in all its complexity.  Last Sunday's preacher noted how twenty chapters into the story Jeremiah is demoralised, depressed and angry (I remember our OT tutor telling us to read Jeremiah in one sitting, front to back - I gave up at about chapter 22 as it was so depressing a read!)... Life and ministry don't always turn out as we expect them to, and we need that unmistakeable marker to which we can return at such times.  Mostly I love what I do, but it has its moments!!

The Hymn to Love in 1 Corinthians is, I once asserted in a sermon after I'd actually done a bit of Greek checking out, is not to show the readers "a yet more excellent way" but a response to people who are "still craving greater gifts".  Although last Sunday's preacher didn't allude to the link verse (no reason why he should) he expressed brilliantly exactly what I believe Paul was responding to - people who were seeking bragging rights on which flamboyant, attention-grabbing spiritual gift they had.  Childish behaviour that was unbecoming among the people of God. "Stop trying to out do each other as to who has the best gift... what really matters is love."

I have preached on, reflected on, and meditated with 1 Corinthians 13, I have employed it in weddings and funerals, normal sermons and Bible studies... it is an over-worked passage, yet one which always, always has new insghts to offer up.  Right at the end comes a reminder of the temporality of spiritual gifts, the partiality and imperfection of our understanding and experience... now we see, understand and know in part, then (at some future date, at the eschaton, in eternity...) we will know fully, even as we are fully known.

So here was the new nugget to ponder, two passages set alongside one another each of which asserts that we are fully known by God.  According to Jeremiah, since, or even before, conception... according to Corinthians as a simple statement of fact.  The preacher last Sunday pointed out that because we are fully known to God, we don't have to try to please God by what we achieve, rather God, knowing who we are, invites us to join in expressing our own unique gifts (or that's how I heard/interpeted it anyway).  This doesn't mean we can sit back and do nothing, but it does mean we don't need to fret when things don't work out as we'd hoped they might.  As something of a perfectionist, it did me good to be reminded of that.

But it is the 'fully known' bit that touched my innermost being...

Fully Known...

From the moment that sperm penetrated that egg and it successfully implanted in the womb of my mother...

On the cold winter's day when premature birth and cord strangling the infant threatened life...

Through the rough and tumble, tears and smiles of early chidhood...

In the love of learning and the fear of failing, the shyness, the quietness and the solitude of school days...

In the choice of course and university, the thriving and freeing, discovering and delighting...

In the square-peg in a round hole job, and the finding-my-niche career that brought fulfilment...

In the Sunday School teaching, piano playing, Girls' Brigade leading...

In the sewing and knitting, hiking, reading, cat-cuddling, cake-baking, car-maintaining...

In the leaving it all behind to follow God's call to ordination...

In the serving with and of, in preaching, missioning, pastoring, teaching, marrying, burying...

In the diagnosis of cancer, its treatment, its long term effects, the residual uncertainty and the love of life's richness...

In making sense and finding meaning, in reflecting and writing...

In the learning and changing, the trusting and remaining, the douting and believing...

In England and Scotland, in New Zealand, Finland, Malta and Madeira...

In the doing and being, the activity and stillness...

In all that has been, and in all that is still to be...

In all of this, I am fully known

In all of this, I know only in part

But then -

Whenever, whatever 'then' is -

I will know

Until then -

Now, here, wherever, whatever life brings

Love

Love for God

Love for neighbour

Love for self

Faith, hope and love - three inconquerables

And the one that matters most

The one that God is

Is love.