The saying, 'it's OK not to be OK' is much-used and very valuable in recognising the detrimental effect that suppressing or repressing emotions and realities can have.

Sometimes, though, what is needed is the converse: 'it's OK to be OK' even when the more common response/reaction is to be 'not OK'.

The little book, Loss of a Parent: Adult Grief when Parents Die, by Theresa Jackson, is not hugely profound, and it's certainly not innovative, rather it is permission giving... It recognises and affirms exactly what I say to others about the validity of any form of grief that is authentic.  So, at one level I didn't need to spend the hour or so it took to read it. But the fact that it does just that is important, because it tells me what I need to hear: it validates my unique experience, and says 'it is OK to be OK' if that is what is OK for me.

I have another, fatter, 'deeper, book to read, It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand  by Megan Devine, so it will be interesting to see if that helps me in being OK with being OK (or any other state) in a culture where it feels that it's not OK to be OK!!

I am valuing the quieter days, now that all the organising is done, the chance to balance a bit of normality with some time to reflect, and to absorb the reality and finality of the death of my mother.