Benjamin Keach was the main protagonist for the singing of hymns among early Baptists. He was also a writer of appalling doggerel, which possibly set back his cause, but which seems to find continued expression to this day.  Here, in his honour, is a hymn 'inspired' by some contemporary worship songs that I actively dislike or find offensive because of poor or ill-conceived theology.  Enjoy!  And apologies if I just destroyed your favourite.

To the tune Winchester Old (While Shepherds watched) or other 8686 (Most of Keach's songs are in this metre)

Ten thousand reasons why these are

The days of my lighthouse

Our praises shake the bowels of hell

The devil cr*ps himself.

I love the sound his robe does make

As he walks in the room -

More intimate than a lover

His praises make me swoon.

My praises are a raging flood

To drown my enemies -

But that’s okay because I know

God’s love runs after me.

I’ve got a lion in my lungs-

And a frog in my throat:

I wish that all these song lyrics

Were nothing but a joke.

(C) Stroppy Cow Worship 2025