I received this circular email this moring and it made me smile (then I added the PS)...

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails in 2007........

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat s**t in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the £15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.............

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split £7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot ay.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I can no longer buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with an aftershave sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the £10 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you  to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beauticians relative once removed.

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!

Have a great 2008!!!

PS, I have also gained the emails addresses of 12739 people I don't know because people don't remove this information when they forward emails

And have just sent out for pizza, Sunday or not, I don't care!

We had a good service, despite bitter cold and high winds most people made the effort to come out.  The communion preparer who does first Sunday is seriously ill, no one had arranged to cover for her, so my treasurer went home to fetch some bread and two other ladies offered to set up as none of the communion ladies had arrived.  All went well.

After the service, the two communion ladies, who were present by now, went off for a cup of tea, leaving the used glasses unwashed.  Eventually one of my lovely deacons took them away and washed them.  My pianist cleared the table, my treasurer put the banners away.  And after I'd chatted to a few peple I hadn't seen for over a week, I started to pack away the projection equipment.

Then one dear lady chose to come and tell me that I hadn't been to speak to speak to some of the people (true, I'd spoken to them last week).  I wasn't impressed and pointed out that they could come to speak to me.  No, not feeling at all holy now!

I thought back over the years when I was an ordinary church member.  At one time, the minister stood at the door and we all dutifully filed past, thanked him (as it was then) for his service and went home.  Then came the invention of after service coffee, so the minister moved to a location en route to coffee and we continued the ritual.  Then came the minister tries to juggle coffee cup in one hand and shake hands with the other, and most people simply go to coffee unless they want to speak to her/him.  Never, until I came to this neck of the woods did I encounter 'we sit in our seats and you must come to us every week.'

A small number of my people are frail, and I do try to get to speak to them regularly on Sundays.  Another small number have big stuff that they need to update me on.  Most though, like any church, have life that plods on, and whilst it is nice to be spoken to, it isn't essential.

Times have changed for sure, and cultures vary, but only here have I encountered this approach to 'after service' conversations.

OK, rant over, my pizza is here, so I can (finally) relax a bit. 

A few days ago I received of of those circular emails we all get from time to time asking me to pray for someone, and to pass on the message to everyone I knew.  Whilst I did take a moment to pray for the folk involved, I did not pass on the email.  Unsurprisingly, this morning I received a follow up email to say that the information was long out of date and sorry, this line of prayer was no longer appropriate.  I wasn't that surprised, and having already struggled with the nature of the prayer requet - which I perceived as selfish, and misguided (so I'd prayed more generally!) - was reassured by my course of action, or lack thereof.

A few things struck me about how tricky it is when requesting prayer, whether for individuals or situations, and what it is we think we are doing.

The request I recived seemed to work on the basis that the more people bending God's ear, the more likely the desired outcome.  I remember back in the 1980's when David Watson (St Michael le Belfry, York) had cancer there were great calls for prayer for healing, yet he died.  Some people felt cheated; others learned that God is not a genii in a bottle and prayer is not a magic spell.  More does not automatically mean better, might does not make it right.  Yet, for all that, I will, and do, ask close friends and selected colleagues to pray for/into very specific situations, so clearly I do some merit in getting more people involved.  It isn't that there is an optimum number to bend God's ear, nor that I am seeking to change God's mind to match my desires, indeed it is often awareness of my own limitations and partiality that leads me seek other's prayer.  Often those friends and I who swap prayer requests are asking for wisdom, integrity, justice, hope... attributes that are Godly - to be evident within situations.

The prayer request in the global email asked for someone to be healed (physically) in order that they might enjoy life in all its fulness.  And here is where I struggle again.  How do we define 'fulness'?  The tone of the message was clear - long, healthy, wealthy, happy life.  Well, no, I don't see that as life in all its fulness.  It is in struggles that we learn wisdom, compassion, gentleness, vulnerablity.  It is in poverty that we learn the true value of possessions and people.  It is in everyday reality that we grow and blossom.  It is sad, so very sad, that a prosperity gospel is so prevalent, equating earthly possessions and freedom from struggle with spiritual maturity and blessing.  When Jesus refered to 'life in all its fulness' (John 10:10b) I am pretty sure he included the difficult times within that.  A full life is one that does not measure success in dollars, duration, education, or popularity; no, a full life is one that grows and blossoms as we become the people God created us to be, loved and loving, cherishing but not clinging to all that is good in life, accepting and growing through adversity, seeking to grow in faith and grace.

I have to be honest, and say that beyond those known to me, or known personally by those who ask me for prayer, I tend to be pretty general in what I pray.  I cringe when asked to 'pray for Christians in country x where y is happening' and instead pray for 'all in country x' (unless, of course, we are talking about persecution); likewise if asked to pray for one of a group affected by something, I will pray for the whole group.

I am very blessed to have a small circle of folk to whom prayer requests can be sent, knowing that they will pray intelligently and appropriately.  It is still tricky, but at least it's a step in the right direction.

So, we had the vision day.  It was great - twenty folk came along, worked hard thinking about various ideas and sharing laughter, food and fellowship along the way.  Then as we were going someone felt she had to tell me "that it it was very nice apart from seeing your bottom when you bent down, in fact if your trousers had gone any lower we would have seen it"

Wish I had had the wit, speed and guts to reply "yes, but it's rather a nice one."

OK, so my jeans and jumper parted company and revealed a few inches of back - was that really the most memorable moment of the whole day?  What was that about 'if your eye causes you to sin....?'

Ah well, most people enjoyed the day, I think, and it was good to have half my membership together reflecting on 'why are we here?' 'what makes a church?' and 'where might God be calling us to go next?'

By spending my time overseeing the catering, it meant the usual culprits could not hide in the kitchen and had to take part fully in discussion groups.  I think they appreciated the change.  As for the twelve baskets of leftovers after the feeding of the 20... well, everyone left with a doggy bag of some sort.

So, thanks Matt for leading our day, Community Centre for accommodating us and God for inspiring us.  Now, I intend to put my feet up after another long day in the life of the vicar of Dibley.

I am trying to convince Churches Together to do something more creative, more public friendly, for Good Friday.  We have booked the Community Centre and the usual crowd are going to do the usual activities for children, but I wanted to move things on a bit from the, usually very dull, adult service that runs in parallel, so the idea is to offer a 'drop in' with free tea and hot cross buns as the carrot, so to speak.  Once inside - and hopefully before they reach the room with refreshments (I could almost get a job in a retailing) - the hope is to offer various 'zones' for people to explore - with for example a labyrinth, a place to light a candle and reflect, some images, etc.  One of the things that would be good would be to find a suitable short video of the Passion narrative that runs for not more than 10 minutes (ideally 5) so that people can actually focus on what it's all about.  I know I could use an extract from something like the Jesus video, and copy the relevent chunk to a DVD, but that's a tad clumsy and illegal to boot, so I wondered if anyone knew of anything suitable that could be used?

Of course, the planning meeting might over rule me and say thay want the usual, boring, communal reading of the fourth gospel account...