Self indulgent cat photo - though I think it illustrates that the kitties are relaxed and refreshing themselves in my newly completed office!

Over the past few days my loyal laptop has begun to get slower and slower, and the internet browser I use has begun to hang (and sometimes crash) with increasing frequency.  In one of those supreme ironies, in order to find out how to fix the browser problems, I had to use its help facility which, you've guessed it, opened the browser.

So, a good hour and a half this morning has been devoted to clearing out redundant software from my laptop, going through web bookmarks and deleting those I no longer use and, finally, doing the 'refresh' which opens up the browser without all the bells and whistles that have, deliberately or otherwsie added themselves over time.

And now my laptop is a lot happier, it has to be said.

Refreshing and clearing out clutter... that feels like a metaphor for my life at the moment!  Yesterday I threw out another two black sacks full of stuff that I had kept 'just I case I ever need it' and know that, between perosnal and church clutter there will be a fair few more in the days ahead.

I am sure that I will never attain 'minimalism', nor would I want to, there are stories and memories embedded in so many of the things that surround me, and lots of things that undoubtedly will come in useful.  At the same time, it is surprsingly liberating to let go of that I haven't looked at in years.

What has struck me, both with 'refreshing' the laptop and reordering my home (still a work in progress!) is that it demands concerted effort, determination and patience, along with accepting that it may get worse before it gets better...

Learning to work from home again is quite challenging, especially as the kitties have to learn what 'work time' looks like (hence beds for them in the office!) but it is, or at least will be, quite refreshing.

Next job will be the routine back up of all my key files from my laptop... and then from the church PC...

One of the quirks of social media is that it periodically reminds me of things I posted in previous years.  This morning it showed me this photo that I had shared two years ago, following a service for the Week of Prayer for Christain Unity in which a relgious sister spoke about 'Our Lady of Knots'.  It resonated then and it resonated again now.  Here's the accompanying prayer:

Dear God:
Please untie the knots
that are in my mind,
my heart and my life.
Remove the have nots,
the can nots and the do nots
that I have in my mind.

Erase the will nots,
may nots,
might nots that may find
a home in my heart.

Release me from the could nots,
would nots and
should nots that obstruct my life.

And most of all,
Dear God,
I ask that you remove from my mind,
my heart and my life all of the 'am nots'
that I have allowed to hold me back,
especially the thought
that I am not good enough.
AMEN

Author: Father Ronnie Knott of Rhodelia, Kentucky

This morning I am working in my kitchen, currently awaiting the arrival of the handyman from IKEA who will build and install the last of the furniture needed to transform my third bedroom in to a workable office.  Whilst a good size as a third bedroom, it's not big, and some skill and ingenuity is needed to get in everything that is necessary... Today one last bookcase and some storage for stationery, candles and general bits and bobs will complete the transformation into a lovely little office.  If nothing else, the kitties will be pleased when the furniture stops moving round and the floors are once again clear to walk on!

Setting up to work on the kitchen table - with curious kitties who have now decided that I am working, which is boring, so they've gone off to play elsewhere - was quite fun, and I was amused to see them checking out my laptop, papers and (in Sophie's case) even my cup of tea.

There is a verse in the hymn "Inspired by love and anger" that speaks of Jesus being 'amused in someone's kitchen' and I was reminded of it as I preparaed to being work this morning.  It also gave me some much-needed inspiration for the "minister's bit" of our church magazine!!  So, Jesus and I are equally amused in my kitchen this morning, it seems.

PS you should probably know that I have three office chairs purchased at various times over the years, so Sophie, Sasha and I can have one each when we are in the office :-)

Today we were pondering persistence in prayer using two stories from Luke: the "friend at midnight" and the "persistent widow" and I used some stories, personal and otherwise as illustrations to what I said.

Here is a video that spoke perfectly into the context - at least in my opinion...

Derek Redmond never achieved his dream of Olympic gold, there was no fairy tale ending, but he didn't give up, helped by his Dad he completed that race and went on to build a new career in basketball.  I liked the image of the Dad rushing down to assist his son - and said I think that God is like that.

We also used this story of a grass roots member of the Liberal Democrats as a contemporary example of the kind of thing alluded to in the parable of the persistent widow.  For the record, I do not intend to infer that any political leader is the 'unjust judge'!  More that systems are flawed and that persistence is needed in the quest for justice.

It all seemed reasonably well received, and I was certainly justified in my decision to abandon the carefully prepared script and 'just talk' using a couple of personal stories as illustrations for the 'friend at midnight' and to recognise that acceptance that what you dream of may not happen is not the same as giving up.

Now it's time for some lunch!

Having promised to make myself accountable on the attempts at a more balanced life, how am I doing so far?

Each day this week I have got up, fed the cats, had breakfast and then sat down quietly to do 'Pray As You Go'  before putting on my coat and heading out to enjoy an early morning walk - typically around 3 miles and, most days in that gorgeous deep blue pre-dawn darkness.  Although, because it is dark (and this morning a bit slippery) I have stuck to main roads, I have seen some beautiful sights... the moon looking wonderful, the lights of a hospital reflected in a pond in its grounds (photo above)...all this is good.

I've sat down most evenings and watched some TV - trashy or otherwise - and last night managed to combine kitty cuddles, knitting and watching a nature programme all at the same time.

End of the day reflection still needs some work... I realise that the vestiges of phycially/intellectually struggling with evening devotions during my chemo (which is six years ago now... though the experts tell me late effects can emerge more than a decade on) are creating some sort of psychological  barrier to be overcome.  Getting there with the help of some not-too-trite Bible notes and intending to start journalling again to see if that helps both dump stuff and pray... whilst clearing out I found my prayer 'diary' from 2006 and it was pretty impressive stuff.

It's been a busy and demanding week, but I have pretty much managed to contain activity within reasonable bounds.  Not everything has been done, not everything will be done, and both of those is OK.

A bonus has been vastly improved sleeping patterns - yes, I still wake up at least three times with horrible night-sweats but at least I am falling back to sleep, and then finally waking up five minutes before the alarm feeling reasonably refreshed.

Four days does not a habit make, I'm told it takes about three weeks concerted effort, but so far, so good.