Today's three readings:

Psalm 77

Job 4

Ephesians 2: 1 - 10

Not exactly the most jolly selection of stuff to read.  The Ephesians passage is the 'salvation by faith through grace' bit, so some nice straight forward soteriology stuff, and a bit more upbeat than the two OT readings.

The beginning of Psalm 77 is what I found spoke to me today:

I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, that he may hear me.
In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted.
I think of God, and I moan; I meditate, and my spirit faints.
You keep my eyelids from closing; I am so troubled that I cannot speak.

Psalm 77:1 - 4 NRSV

I think pretty much everyone has had nights when they cannot sleep, or times when they have lain awake all night trying to make sense of something or other but not able to find the way forward.  Many have had a 'dark night of the soul' or the times of wondering why God is silent and seems, contrary to promise, to have abandoned them.  The psalm is not all 'lament' it does move on to recall past experiences of God, but I think it also gives permission for people to feel the way they feel.

This morning someone pointed me at a You Tube video expressing the experiences of a woman who had been treated for breast cancer.  I appreciate you are probably all sick and tired of this stuff, but it is still part of my life (and always will be).  The experiences in the video do not entirely match my own - I can honestly say I have never asked 'why me' - but it does have resonances along the way.  Even if it does match your own story, or that of anyone you know/love the nightmare roller coaster is a metaphor worth considering...  Feel free to skip past it to the rest of my scribbles if you prefer.

  (If you do watch it, you may need a tissue or three)

God of the dark places

The endless night-time

The sleepless nights

And interminable days

The nightmare, waking and sleeping

Of

Fear

Anxiety

Loneliness

Loss

Illness

Confusion

Regret

Why do you allow us this travail?

To what end the nights we cannot sleep?

Yet even darkness is light to you

In Christ, You have have shared the endless hours

Of

Dying

Pain

Loneliness

Anger

Bewilderment

Fear

Questioning

You know and understand our travail

You have had your own own sleepless nights

Whether we ride the roller coaster of our own nightmares

Unable to make the ride stop

Unable to get off...

Whether we live in the pause moment before the next plunge

Knowing what will come

Unable to stop the inevitable...

Whether we feel the perisitent tug of the cable

Drawing us steadily onwards

Unable to escape what lies ahead...

Whether we relax as the ride ends

Unable to be sure it has ended

Not knowing if we must ride again as some new nightmare overtakes us...

Whether we watch helplessly

Unable to free another from the nightmare ride

Unable to share the ride...

Whatever, wherever, whoever...

You are with us

Silent

And

Still

Sharing every moment

God of the dark places

God of the sleepless nights

God of the nightmare

God of hope

God whose promsies are trustworthy

God in whom we find life

Hear our prayer.

Sign seen in the place where this evening's service was held:

CHINESE

BURNS

SUPPER

So how do you read it?

a) A person from China overcooks the evening meal?

b) Some obscure ceremony whereby those attending the evneing meal are subjected to a 'chinese burn'

c) A combined Burns Supper and Chinese New Year celebration?

It was, as we all undoubtedly guessed, (c) but I'm afraid (b) came to my mind, and when I pointed out the potential confusion to someone they thought I meant (a).

As the saying goes, 'what does it say, how do you read it?'

One of the ways we thought about referring to God this morning was using the 'via negativa' (not the same one as the apophatic tradition I don't think) that says 'God is not'... so, immortal, invisible, not resting, not hasting, etc.  not enough time to move on to complexities such as mutability or passibility, but still.

Along the way, I said, very unoriginally, God is not a man, God is not white, God does not have a beard, God does not wear a long white dress, God does not sit on a cloud.  Evidently this reminded one of my congregation of a cheesy little song, for which they sent me a You Tube link.  Enjoy... or endure...

Thanks H; it made me chuckle anyway... and think a bit too

Today's readings are:

Genesis 9:8-17
Psalm 25:1-10
1 Peter 3:18-22
Mark 1:9-15

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the gospel reading for today is a scene setter... the Baptism of Jesus and his subsequent sojourn in the wilderness, all recorded in Mark's zap-pow minimalist fashion... no stones to bread, no bow down to me, no jump off the Temple, just wild beasts and angels.  Had we only ever had this one gospel, our view of the wilderness temptations would have been less narrow, we would not have assumed that in forty days only three ideas popped unbidden into Jesus' mind.  We would be more open the diversity that being 'tempted in every way as we are but without sin' might mean.

The Psalm I've already commented on, and the Genesis passage takes us to the covenant with Noah after the flood (ding ding another 'forty days' or'very long time') but it is the 1 Peter that draws my attention:

For Christ also suffered for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, in order to bring you to God. He was put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the spirit, in which also he went and made a proclamation to the spirits in prison, who in former times did not obey, when God waited patiently in the days of Noah, during the building of the ark, in which a few, that is, eight persons, were saved through water.  And baptism, which this prefigured, now saves you -not as a removal of dirt from the body, but as an appeal to God for a good conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, who has gone into heaven and is at the right hand of God, with angels, authorities, and powers made subject to him. (1 Peter 3: 18 - 22 NRSV)

This passage ought to shock us.  it seems that the writer tells us that after the death of Jesus, Christ went and proclaimed to the 'spirits in prison' by which we presumably mean 'hell', those who in the former times (viz, life) had not obeyed God.   So what did Christ proclaim?  "Ha, ha, see now you burn for all eternity?"  No.  I think not.  Paul Fiddes in his writing on atonement theology speaks of the Good Shepherd who seeks the lost sheep, and asks something along the lines of, is there any crevasse too deep into which the shepherd will not descend to rescue his lost sheep?  The traditional doctrine (?) of the 'harrowing of hell' seems to follow a broadly similar logic... that the three days between the crucifixion and the resurrection symbolise Christ's descent into hell to rescue whoever was there.  Now, any or all of these might be good or bad theology, none the less, we are told, it seems, that it is not good enough to say that those who have not professed faith in Christ at the time of their death will burn for eternity, or simply be annihilated, depending on what stance you prefer.  Nor does it allow us to adopt a simplistic universalism that says there is no hell, no potential of separation from God, even fleetingly.  A good friend of mine expresses a conviction that as we pass through the gate between life and death, as we come face to face with God, we will be so overwhelmed with the love of God that we will be incapable of wanting any other.  I like that idea.  Some people conclude there is no hell... I wouldn't go that far, since I need a 'dumping ground' for evil... the essence thereof, not those somehow imprisoned by its thrall.

So there you go, all very complicated for a Sunday morning brain dump, and not very 'spiritual' at all.  Hidden in this passage is , however, a lovely little phrase..."God waited patiently..." and prompts me to prayer.

Patient God,

Not rushing us to instant decisions

Not demanding we say yes' or 'no'

Without careful, even prayerful, consideration

You wait

For us

With us

Never ever giving up on us

(Not that 'ever' or 'never' are categories that mean anything to you)

Scripture tell us it is your will that none be lost

Scripture tells us Christ proclaimed to those in chains...

A suggestion of a second chance

Even after our theologising says it might be too late

Lord, teach me this patience

Patience that does not seek immediate responses

Patience that does not confuse long-term with eternal

Patience that waits with you

For your will...

that none be lost...

that the captives be freed...

that the hungry are fed...

that the blind see and the lame dance...

that the Kingdom of Shalom come on earth as in heaven...

To be done.

Psalm 25 (again!)

Psalm 32

Matthew 9:2 - 13

Unsurprisingly, sin, confession and forgiveness continue to be the themes threading through today's readings. 

Psalm 32 takes me back to another 1980s worship song :

This is a song that has, at various points meant a lot to me... most recently I recall singing it to myself in the wee small hours when St Eroid induced insomnia fuelled my anxieties... and it links a teeny bit with where tomorrow's sermon goes (though I'm not telling you how!).

But for all I love the (re-)assurance of the psalms/song it is the gospel reading that strikes me most profoundly, not least because of where the lectionary compilers have chosen to start/end it:

And just then some people were carrying a paralyzed man lying on a bed. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven."
Then some of the scribes said to themselves, "This man is blaspheming."
But Jesus, perceiving their thoughts, said, "Why do you think evil in your hearts?   For which is easier, to say, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Stand up and walk'?  But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins"- he then said to the paralytic -"Stand up, take your bed and go to your home."
And he stood up and went to his home.

When the crowds saw it, they were filled with awe, and they glorified God, who had given such authority to human beings.  As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man called Matthew sitting at the tax booth; and he said to him, "Follow me." And he got up and followed him.  And as he sat at dinner in the house, many tax collectors and sinners came and were sitting with him and his disciples.  When the Pharisees saw this, they said to his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?"  But when he heard this, he said, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what this means, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have come to call not the righteous but sinners." Matthew 9; 2 - 13 NRSV

This ought to be a pretty shocking reading... a northern rabbi claiming divine power to forgive sin, a tax-gatherer abandoning his career to go with him and the two of them (plus others) heading off to eat dinner with people who sinned.  It is the last sentence, the sting in the tale, that strikes me... go and learn what it means that mercy is more important than sacrifice... a right heart trumps right religious practices.  That's all... just mercy over judgement.  Just the recognition of our own need of God's mercy leading us to be merciful to others. 

This week I have seen/heard some strong judgements being passed and have felt uncomfortable because on the one hand I am called to be merciful and on the other I want to challenge what is said.  This week I have recognised again within myself imperfection and partiality... how much easier to be merciful and gracious to people who are gracious and merciful.  This week I have pondered afresh how sometimes it is kinder to be tough than gentle.  "Go and learn what this means..." that feels like a life-time challenge.

Go and learn what this means...

'I desire mercy not scarfice'

What is this mercy Lord?

What does it mean?

It can't mean that I never challenge what seems to be wrong in the world...

But perhaps it means I recognise my own propensity to sin

Perhaps it means I recognise the partiality of my own heart

Perhaps it means I recognise my complicity in corporate sin

Of the church

Of my nation

Of all humankind

What is this mercy Lord?

What does it mean?

How do I remove the log from my own eye

Rather than spotting the speck of dust in another's?

How do I overcome the temptation to throw stones

Forgetting I live in house of glass?

How do I discover the complex interplay of

Naming

Confessing

Forgiving

Merciful responding?

Not sacrifice

Not the offering of money or time

Not the shedding of blood

Not the perfection of religious ritual

Mercy

Be merciful because God is merciful

In the place where I live..

In the place where I work...

In the land I call home...

In the world of which I am part...

Lord, show me the way of mercy

Show me the way of grace

And lead me onwards, with you

Amen