... when I'd be asked to take part in a documentary about fashion!  I mean, c'mon this is me, clothes are for comfort and I'm hardly Little Ms Trendy, even if I did for a while manage 'funky' with my bald head.  But it is precisely this experience that has led to the invitation!

A while back someone posted on the bcc forum that her daughter who is a fashion journalism student was due to undertake a project on clothes for woman affected by breast cancer, and she asked for comments on our experiences and issues.  Wanting to be encouraging, I replied saying I thought it was fantastic idea (which I do) but that I'm just a comfort girl not a fashionista  (however that's spelled) and sharing a few of the things that I've noticed since surgery.  Back came a reply to say, that's fine this is about clothes not 'fashion' in the 'trend' sense.

So, long story short, I have been in contact with a lovely young woman, and she is coming up to Glasgow to interview me on film!  Wow, me in a fashion documentary... I never thought the day would come!

(Doubt it'll ever be aired as it's a uni project, but even so...)

Excessively plethoric on twaddle today.

Saw this on the BBC website - a 'banana equivalent dose' for radiation.  So, given 1 Sv and 1Gy are, to a first approximation, the same thing, and given I received 50 of them earlier this year, that's the same as being bashed on the boob by around 50 million bananas... Nuts!  Or bananas even.

Quite a neat idea, but not really sure it will catch on.  Back in the day when I was in the industry we used coffee, brazil nuts, transatlantic flights and Aberdeen granite to try something similar... it never quite convinced people.

A while back I posted about the De Quervain's Tenosynovitis in my left hand caused by lifting a heavy-ish case on and off trains and dragging it along streets one handed.  Well, about six weeks and a course of physio later it hasn't resolved itself, so today I've been referred on to a specialist physio who will inject it with steroids, wait two or three weeks and then start me on an exercise regime!  Let's hope that works, as the alternative after that is surgery...

So, now I have a daily routine of arm/shoulder exercises for my right side and thumb/wrist exercises for my left side.  I am not meant to lift anything over 5kg on the right and can't lift anything over about 2kg on the left.  Writing is painful (so 'don't do it' said the physio) and every now and then I'll subconsciously do something that makes my wrist really hurt.

This is, ultimately, an unexpected and unpredicted side effect of the treatment I've had... I am led to believe some of the drugs leave muscles and tendons more vulnerable to strains and sprains, and I've been so good at protecting my 'at risk of lymphoedema' arm that I've hurt my 'good' arm.

I'm not quite sure what this teaches me, other than that I'm not the free spirit I was a little over a year ago, able to hurl chairs and tables around rooms and hoik objects around quite happily.  Of course it does force me to be more empathic with other people with physical restrictions, which is no bad thing, but I really don't like it much!  Still, if that's all I have to worry about I ought to be grateful.

Sometimes it feels as if I open my mouth only to change feet... today is one such day.

No details. 

Just letting you know I'm human and very fallible.  It's called part of being honest.

Groan if you must, but this is the day to focus on the people whose breast cancer has spread beyond their breast/axillary lymph nodes and has invaded other parts of their bodies.  Whilst it is no respecter of age, it does sometimes seem as if a disproportionate number of younger women with more aggressive cancers are often diagnosed very quickly with secondaries, often only weeks after a primary diagnosis and, sometimes, without one.  Secondary breast cancer can occur pretty well anywhere, but the most common metastases seem to be in the bones, lungs, liver and brain.  Some people also get them in their uterus, ovaries or skin.  Once cancer metastasises it cannot be 'cured.'  It can be controlled, sometimes very successfully, sometimes for many years, but in the end it will claim the life of the person who has it.

Suffice to say, symptoms of secondary cancer are vague and general, and people like me who are NED are prone to paranoia about every ache and pain, every persistent cough, every fluctuation in weight.  There is a broad rule of thumb that says 'if it lasts more than two weeks' and/or 'if it's a kind of pain/cough/ache that feels different for you' then shout.

Anyway, two things...

Firstly if you are someone who has had cancer (of any sort) and you notice any of these persistent symptoms, then shout.  If you're someone who hasn't had cancer and have symptoms that persist then get them checked out too - they're most probably not cancer and can be fixed/addressed relatively simply.  I know, nag, nag, nag.

Secondly, I have already lost friends and contacts to secondary breast (and other) cancer, and so have many of you.  If you can, spare a thought for those people who live daily with the knowledge that they cannot be cured and that one day - they know not when - they will hear the words "I'm sorry...."

Today I'm remembering Cat (RIP), and thinking of Annie and J each of whom inspires me with her courage and tenacity.