The end of the school year sees the start of my 'goodbyes' to the people of Dibley and district.  On Friday I go into school for the last time as a Governor and as a local minister.  I will pay my last visit to Four Plus (Foundation) who I have accompanied for about three years during which legislation has impacted dramatically on their work.  Then I will present 'Your move' books to all of year 6 - a gift from Dibley BC made possible from a couple of small legacies last year.

This morning I've written the newsletter for lunch club which tells them I'm on my way and that the club's 4th birthday lunch will also be my last.  (A lot of four-ness in all of this don't you think?!).  Looking back over the last four years to summarise what we've done has been good - more than a hundred lives touched, outings to cathedrals, cultured cities and the coast, a wedding, several funerals, carol services and songs of praise in sheltered housing... To say nothing of tonnes of shepherd's pie, ham, egg & chips, fish cakes, vegetarian lasagne and peaches & ice cream they've eaten in that time!!  It's been good and, which is more pertinent, it can continue to be good.

Guess I'd better get used to saying 'goodbye' quite regularly for the next couple of months!

This afternoon we bade a fond farewell to our Regional Minister Team leader, Revd Steve Mantle who is heading for South Africa to work for an organsiation called SHINE foundation (there seem to be lots of similarly named organsiations so follow the link to find out more; the home page takes a few moments to load).

Steve has been a good friend to my little church, and a good friend to me, over many years.  I first met him almost a decade ago when he was a college Governor and I was a rookie ministerial student convinced I was called to urban (not urbane, cheeky reader) ministry.  Ending up in semi-rural Leicetsershire was a bit of a surprise, but kept me in contact with Steve who with our other RM oversaw the NAM reflection groups.  Getting involved with the ministers' conference meant I got to work with Steve a bit, which was always good fun, and it was he who, in due course, nominated me as Regional Rep for the Baptist Ministers' Fellowship.  More recently he has seen me through the joys (?) of settlement and is almost as pleased as I am at the new call I'm about to follow.

I'll miss Steve, but not as much as he'll be missed by the Association and the Union.

God speed, good friend.  May your burdens be light and your risks rewarded.

This morning I have been tracking down references for some of the more vague parts of my paper - courses I took years ago, concepts that are part of me not just head knowledge.

So here's what I discovered...

• I once taught at what I now know to be post grad level without knowing it as an industry trainer, ergo I was clever once.
• I have subconsciously developed and enhanced ideas I learned donkey's years ago, demonstration that I'm a reflective learner but meaning I don't have neat references for the ideas!
• Once upon a time I was very good at maths!
• I have actually written some pretty good theological essays over the years

Some concepts, metaphors and ideas keep on re-emerging in my writing and thinking, whatever the topic.  Ironically despite despising geometric optics in A level physics (sorry Mrs Harris if you're reading) lenses, mirrors, prisms, diffraction, refraction and so on occur over and again in what I write on such diverse topics as possible Johannine anti-semitism, ecclesiology and even historical method.

Often I feel fikk, but I think that's OK so long as now and then I realise that actually I do know stuff after all!

Help!  I need a reference for a paper I am about to submit and can't find one because the concept is one I've been aware of for a decade and have no idea where it comes from!

Can anyone give me a reference for the literary theory concept of the 'Ideal Reader' NOT the 'implied reader' (I have heaps for that!)?  I think there's a subtle difference between the two and that's all I'm wanting to say but without a reference I'll be in big trouble!!  Alas none of my literary theory books seem to mention it.  Pah!

Thank you kind people.

So, this is the 'now and not yet' period between pastorates when I am still the minister of Dibley and the minister designate of a place whose online name has yet to reveal itself to me.  It's a liminal place - a threshold between what is and what will be, between what was and what is now.  As a result Karen Smith's talks on 'ministry in the meantime' at the NAM conference are a helpful resource for thinking a bit about how to manage the next three months or so.

It is a time for laying down - stepping down from various committees and positions of responsibility locally and nationally.  A time for accepting that what happens with them from now on is not my responsibility and (which is often harder) not my concern.

It is a time for untying ties and tying up loose ends - a mysterious tidying up and letting go.  A time to pass over all the paperwork to others having got it in order first.

It is a time for saying 'no' with impunity.  How freeing to able to decline invitations to speak at Lesser Nowhere's women's meeting without feeling guilty!

It is a time for slowing down and letting all the pervasive thoughts slip out of my mind (how crowded it is with pastoral and practical stuff).

A time for saying goodbyes and preparing to say hellos somewhere new.

There are still things to be done - a wedding in a fortnight, shut-ins to visit, coaches to book for lunch club and an essay to tidy up and submit for 6th July (ulp) to say nothing of five year's worth of minutes etc for shredding - but I am actually looking forward to some space simply to be.

I'm not terribly good at doing nothing, and part of this period has to be devoted to getting a second essay written, but right now I am tired through and through and will be glad to attempt the meantime ministry of small things and gentle waiting.