Epiphany, that lovely mysterious word that gets muddled up with a celebration of strange, exotic visitors to a toddler Christ, but actually speaks of 'coming upon,' of new insights, of fresh experiences of God's presence.  I could have done with a bit of that today, but then worship is not, as I occasionally remind people, about what we get out of it, but about what we offer to God.

Two services, one a leaving service for a minister from our cluster, the other the monthly joint gathering with D+1.

I think I knew how the first was going to be when I was handed an order of service on the way in.  A quick glance down the hymns/songs revealed that some of my unfavourites were there.  Still, it isn't about my pleasure, I thought, it's about worshipping God and giving thanks for a long, successful ministry.  The sermon was dizzying, there's no other word for it - the speaker's testimony, some thoughts on holistic mission, some tributes to the minister and then an altar call complete with 'if this you please stand up.'  It wasn't, in my view, the time of place for the altar call, if only because this had not been agreed with the church ahead of time.  Still, it wasn't about what I liked or thought appropriate, it was about worshipping God, listening for God, responding to God.  Overall, it was a happy event, a packed church and a warm atmosphere.  It was good to catch up with a few friends (who like certain songs as little as I do) and share news of our respective churches.

The second service was a more positive experience - eventually.  After 45 minutes of being alternately irritated by 'suffering is a lovely gift' type hymns and Ecclesiastes at its gloomiest, there were glimpses of hope.  But it really brought home to me the dangers of 'hit and run' preaching because I was so glad some of my folk weren't there to sing of how good it is to be suffering in this life so that we like the next all the more.  I also had to smile when we used new and exciting Mission Praise  to sing two fairly old hymns.  On a normal Sunday I would have thoroughly enjoyed the sermon, skillfully crafted and connecting past, present and future, but not today, not when I have to care for many hurting people with uncertain futures.  The gloom motif was perhaps too strong, the communion not quite the space to 'be' that I would have valued, but overall I was reminded that there is hope even on dark days.

So I am back home not having had a sense of epiphany, indeed having had a few extra issues dropped on me, but knowing that the truth is not about feelings or experiences but in the assurances I offered, as I shared pastoral news, that God's steadfast love never ceases and that God's mercies are renewed daily.

Finally, in need of some humour, here are some of the 'baddest' lines from hymns/songs in the two services.  I leave it as a exercise to reader to discern their origins!

• 'And from his mouth there comes a sound...' (really!)
• 'My lover's breath is sweetest wine/I am his prize and he is mine'  (bear in mind this is written by males!)
• 'Lord, you know that you are welcome here' (Gee, says God, that's nice, it's my creation anyway...)
• 'These are the days of....' (oh no they aren't!)
• 'And the hearts of men are beating with the throbs of deep desire' (to the pure, dear reader, to the pure) (you need Mission Praise for this one!  This verse is omited in BPW for some inexplicable reason!!)