As the song says, not sure where it comes from, but recall singing it in a church pantomime years ago than I care to remember: -

When shivering in my shoes,

I strike a careless pose,

And whistle a hapy tune,

So no one ever knows I'm afraid!

The result of this deception

Is very strange to tell

For when I fool the people I feel

I fool myself as well...

 

I am trying to work out why I am currently so terrified at the thought of possibly presenting a paper at an international conference when I am fairly comfortable with the idea of presenting at a national one and have, albeit in a very different arena, presented at an international conference before.

Largely it is about my own sense of my credibility, I think.  Presenting in a field where I had a proven track record and was acknowledged as an excellent practitioner felt very different from a novice with no track record (apart from speaking on being a small church at Baptist Assembly and an undergrad dissertation on single people and church in the BMJ (Baptist variety thereof), neither of which pertains to the topic under discussion).  I guess I was less scared of looking silly and/or not being able to answer people's questions.

So why not so scared of a UK audience?  I think it is because this is a less 'unknown' forum and one where more tentative explorations are shared in an atmosphere that is generally quite kind.  And whilst I don't want or need to be treated with kid gloves, I guess I feel that I have 'novice' written on my head in rather large letters for everyone to see.

And all this is in some sense a tad daft anyway, because my experience in indsutry conferneces is that most people who ask questions are genuinely interested in what you're doing, and those who want to make you look silly or stupid the minority.  That plus the fact that I actually enjoy presenting (and am probably better at that than I am at writing) means that I will, in a day or so, pluck up the courage to contact the relevant conference organisers to see whether they would accept my work. 

Ulp! Whistle, whistle!