This afternoon I went out pastoral visiting.  Nothing especially amazing about that, you say.  Indeed not.  Except that it is one area of pastoral ministry I perceive myself to be especially bad at.  I know all the theory of how to do it, why to do, when to do it, but it still fills me with a sense of dread that I am rubbish at small talk and not that hot at bedside/fireside prayers (though many genuinely seem to appreciate both).  Recently I was talking with a couple of other ministers who share this sense of inadequacy, albeit for different reasons.  Some of it, we concluded was down to personality (my Myers Briggs 'I' as distinct from 'E' being one they identified), some of it down to self imposed pressure to be 'useful' (i.e. a need to have answers to questions or practical skills to offer), some of it just down to the fact that we all dread fouling up and some, if we are honest, because it can be flipping hard work talking to people who offer monosyllabic answers to open questions, have no books, photos, ornaments, pets or other cues to start conversations, have 'difficult' personalities or homes worthy of a TV series on domestic hygiene*...

And yet...

And yet, so often when I do the visits I'm sure it is me who is blessed.  Blessed by the grace and humility of people who allow me to share their frailty and vulnerability.  Blessed by people who grant me the privilege of seeing them at their lowest points and to share in significant life-events.  Blessed by the wisdom of age.  Blessed by the generosity of spirit.  Blessed despite the flea bites or dodgy tea that has unpleasant side effects (you learn when to decline!!).  Blessed by smiles and tears.  Blessed to be the hands and feet of Christ.  Blessed to allow Christ in others to reach me.

Today I enjoyed wonderful conversation, was well fed and watered in a comfortable and friendly home and shared a moment of meaningful prayer.  It is somehow in God's grace that when we do the things we find hard we are blessed... and by God's grace our best is good enough.

*Such extremes are rare but they do exist (at least they do in England!)