I will be glad when I am finally able to submit my MPhil, though this is now looking like it won't be until after my surgery. Some people have asked will I ever go back and finish the work, to which the answer has been 'don't know' (and it's probably wise not to prejudice the pass/fail by saying either way at this stage!).
However, my current experiences are leading me to want to explore more thoroughly what I am loosely terming "Public Christianity and Private Pain." I have been struck by the challenges of being a minister (a public Christian) dealing with serious health issues (private pain), and how my desire for openness and authenticity has had to be tempered by pastoral responsibility and pastoral sensitivity. Responses to what I have posted on this blog - both via comments and through emails and conversations - suggest that people value the honesty, yet all too often it would be easier simply to collude with the myth of the serene Christian whose peace permanently transcends comprehension. I think some empirical work, seeing how others have experienced their own public-private tensions could be fascinating and potentially liberating. I have a hunch that if our ministers could model a more honest, and appropriate, brokenness and vulnerability the people in the pews would find release from the pressure to 'perform' as if nothing was wrong.
By naming this publicly I am somehow committing to give it some energy in the future - and declaring my faith that there is future in which to explore it.
Comments
Ministers modelling honesty and vulnerability??? Yes, it might release some people in the pews. On the other hand, it would also lead to complaints of inappropriateness and probably sacking. We like our "professionals" to be somehow detatched.
A starting place might be gatherings of ministers - how much honesty and vulnerability is there among fellow ministers? Or is it a case of pretending everything's fine, so as not to lose face in front of the others?
I feel your commentary and openness are a significant resource for others as well as a helpful and welcome means of keeping in touch with where you're at.
Naturally I'm interested in what you say about honesty and vulnerability. When I'm vulnerable, it demands a mature response from others. Part of the risk is that not everyone may be able to handle it, or a few may misuse it, hence I guess what you say about pastoral sensitivity (and self-preservation?).
But I still want to strive for an appropriate level of openness that doesn't leave us all admiring the emperor's clothes.
Is there also something about the gospel lying beyond us and our experience? So when we speak as ministers, sometimes we may need to distinguish between our own experience and the witness of others in scripture (and in the rest of life)? While still being ready and willing to add our own testimony.
Hi Andy,
You are right of course, the worst face of Practical Theology is when it becomes pure description of experience with no 'otherness'. The place of scripture in reflection is (surely) undisputed...
I wonder also how you explore with a congregation about them being honest with each other. I agree this needs to be modelled by ministers, but in my experience of being honest about pain etc to a smaller number of folk in church they sometimes don't know how to handle it. Almost wanting to 'rescue' me from it or to over 'spiritualise' it. So when others can't receive what you've got to say you almost don't want to give them an honest answer.
I'd be interested in reading any work you might do on this in the future.
Hi Lucy,
You are right (of course!) and it is the dilemma faced by ministers that really intrigues me - how do we break the cycle of 'let's pretend it's all fine and super-spiritual' and replace it with something that is more honest yet is healthy and appropriately Christ-centred. I don't know the answer but feel it'd be worth thinking about a lot more.
I reckon your own reflections model this honesty and openness extremely well, which is why I suspect they're so helpful to others (as well as your usual clarity of thought and careful use of language).
I've encountered others who've handled the shadow side of life differently, but equally well from their own theological perspective.
The main thing in all this does seem to be the authenticity of what you're saying, which will be different for each person.