Arising from a flip comment I made to someone yesterday, and maybe Dave Walker or ASBO Jesus have already done this...

If you had a remote control for your minister/vicar/rabbi/holy-person, what functions would it have?

If you had a remote control for your congregation, what functions would it have?

Obvious ones seems to be:

• fast forward through boring sermon
• mute button for people who drone on and on in open prayer times
• 'gentle shake' function for those who snooze during the sermon
• 'self-collecting' function for used communion cups (Baptist/URC model)
• volume control for singing
• 'make encouraging noises/smile' function for audience congregation

Others?