Thanks A for the new photo for my blog.  I like that it captures my tendency to slight dishevelment, the half-smile and stubborness of my personality.  Not sure how long this one will be up - it will be all change again in a few weeks.  Hopefully I will retain enough self-confidence to keep a photo of me rather than an object or an animal, but only time will tell.

Yesterday I had the gift of a day without responsibility, over and above the nine I'm entitled to, as I prepare myself physcially, mentally, emotionally, spiritually for the coming weeks and months.  It being a glorious morning I walked in to Kelvingrove Park where I ate raspberry ice-cream and drank a full fat latte - maybe the last for a very long time (the drugs may make coffee unapallatable and there are various opinions on the detrimental effects of milk for people with cancer...).  Alas the swings were full of children, and I didn't have the heart to oust them so it was a walk on in to town instead.

I enjoyed the simple pleasures, but I really missed church.  I was passing near our 'mother' church at about ten to eleven and wondered about going in but decided that I couldn't face having to explain who I was or the questions about I wasn't at my own church, so I walked on.

This morning I listened to the podcast of our service on line - slightly odd of course because I got mentioned quite a lot - but at least I felt a sense of connection with my people.  Oops, I forgot, ministers aren't meant to talk of 'my people' or 'my church' because they are "God's" and "Christ's" respectively.  But you know what I mean.

I know that some of our folk use the pod-casts to catch upwith  sermons or services they've missed, and that there occasionally passersby who listen in to find out what we're like.  We also have the option of CD recordings for people who don't 'do' internet and each of these is an important ministry.

I constantly find that a lot of housebound people use 'Songs of Praise' and 'Sunday Half Hour' as means of staying connected with church in a wider sense, and there is clearly a real place in contemporary society for pod-church not as an alternative to real church but as a means of blurring its boundaries.

On Saturday morning I decided to visit the old cathedral in Coventry, a place I have loved since childhood.  There is something about its defiance and vulnerability that has always struck me, and the various statues of reconciliation are beautiful and meaningful.  I took time to walk to the stone altar - I recalled it being barred by railings but there was no sign of them - and felt the charred timber of the beam-cross against my hands.  I imagined the various priests and bishops who had stood there, looking out at the congregation.

Then I moved on to pay homage at the grave/memorial of the person who might or might not have been a distant relative of mine, Bishop Neville Gorton (the connection is disputed among my rellies and I haven't a clue of the truth).  To my horror, right next to his memorial stone was the very ugly entrance to a museum of wartime stuff from which 1940's music emerged at high volume, and two guides or stewards laughed and joked as they awaited customers.  In a second the preciousness fractured... I was affronted on behalf of my maybe relative and in that instant something changed irrevocably.

It's still a lovely place, and the statuary is no less beautiful but the sounds of piped 1940's music and gales of laughter, for me, changed everything.

And here's the thing I've been puzzling over since: I have no high theology of place and have no problem with multi-functional buildings, indeed I am very much for church premises being employed effectively.  I found myself wondering what Bishop Neville might have made of it - would he have minded?  Would I mind if it was my final resting place?  In the end I deduced it was less the 'what' than the 'why'.  Why is there a museum in the ruins of Coventry Cathedral?  What is its purpose?  If it is to educate and to challenge the fear and hate that lead to violence then it's OK.  But if it is to provide income, no matter how well intentioned, then I'm not so sure.

So, plenty to think about - the dangers of inadvertently trampling others' precious memories, the challenges of motive and the appropriate use of places of worship.  And perhaps it is this last where the nub lies - the old Cathedral, so far as I can ascertain, is still officially a place of worship, or at least a place of stillness, not a tourist attraction to generate revenue through entertainment.

My memories are not what they were, but it remains a place I love, and which in its wounded beauty still has stories to tell to those who can hear the quiet whisper beyond commercialism's roar.

We all get lots of circular emails that are a bit kitsch that purport to be written by people regretting things they didn't do and now can't.  One I had forwarded to me a few months back talked about using the best china whilst you could (and of course if you don't it decays in the cupboard anyway) or driving with the windows down on sunny days or eating ice-cream in the park in winter  and so on. It was a tad mawkish but its sentiment rang true - we all (I think) put on hold the frivolous and the indulgent in favour of the practical and purposeful.

So, today I bought a red duffle coat.  For years I've looked at them and then settled for something in a nice sensible shade that would be suitable for work or for formal occasions and didn't, when it got a bit worn, make me look like some long lost relative of Paddington bear.

I am fortunate to be able to wear strong colours and along with 'peacock' shades of blue and green, I love red.  So this winter I shall wear my red duffle coat (with its nice warm hood to protect my head from draughts) and the next, and the next and the next and so on, until even Paddington would give me a hard stare... by which time I will have left far behind me the turn of events that prompted me to abandon my usual practical modus operandum and choose it in the first place.

What's your frivolous indulgence?  And why haven't you indulged it? (RNR as we used to put on correspondence on my industry days)

OK, so the first stile I felt I had to climb over was getting my hair cut in anticipation of the chemotherapy.  You have to understand that I've always had long hair, have never wanted short hair and after a bad experience with a hairdresser, who when asked to trim 3in off my then almost hip length hair left me with it just past my shoulders, I have never darkened the door of a professional haircutter again.

So this was a big step for me - minute for most people, but this is my footpath and these are my stiles.

Some one at church suggested a hairdresser who is used to this kind of work, as he works with hospital inpatients, and someone else very kindly handled the booking and came with me.  I was very relieved when he dismissed the 'shorter the better' advice from the literature and said that a 'classic bob' would be a good option.

So, here's the new style - it's a poor photo taken with my webcam, and I opted not to smile as that looked daft, but it gives an idea of what I look like, at least for a few weeks until the really radical becomes inevitable.  Comments are permitted but there are rules:

You are allowed to say it looks good, because it does, it's an excellent cut and still basically feels like 'me'; I am content with it

You are not allowed to say I look better or younger - even if you think I do, because I don't want to know - I was happy with how I looked before.

You are not allowed to say I should have done it years ago - reason as above.

For anyone who wonders, I have the pig-tail carefully wrapped and safely stowed in a drawer: at some point I may be ready to part with it but not yet!

Whilst this isn't what I'd have wanted, it does mean that I now have an idea of a style I would be happy with once all this is behind me - and that has to be a good thing.

This is advance posted - I am visiting family this weekend for the last time before treatment starts but I'll be back, hopefully with a better quality up-to-date photo to go in the top right corner, next week.