Today I was given an advance copy of the latest church magazine.  As usual it is brim full of excellent stuff (and my bits too!) but what struck me was the diary page at the back.  There is one group that has been running for many years and was, let's say, a last bastion of patriarchy in the pulpit.  This month there is not one but two women speaking at it, both with links to the Baptist College and each with a clear and profound calling to ministry.

Of course I'm delighted to see this development, that goes without saying.  But more significantly I am struck by the openness of those in the group to God's gentle (or not so gentle!) prodding in this direction.  If I live to ninety, and if I am still wielding any influence on a local church, I pray that I might be as open to the mysterious, and taboo shattering, workings of the Holy Spirit.

One jigsaw done and dusted!

I'm sure other people don't use my rather 'anal' strategy with the background bits of 'road', 'grass' etc and sort all the pieces by colour, shape and orientation then systematically work through by starting from 'road two lugs vertical' (or somesuch) filling in 'traditional, grass, horizontal' or 'three holes, road, vertical' as required.  (If the sticky out bits are called lugs, what is the correct name for the 'holes'?).  The result was that by working systematically I did the last hundred-ish pieces very quickly (about thirty minutes including sorting).

Anyway, I'm quite pleased with myself!  I know, small things and small minds.

It will be a day or two before I bring myself to smash it up again!!

One of my favourite hymns is Richard Gillard's Brother, Sister, Let Me Serve You, and at the moment it feels I am learning to 'live' it more fully...

Brother, sister, let me serve you

Let me be as Christ to you;

Pray that I may have the grace

To let you be my servant too

In a Protestant tradition that has emphasised how much more blessed it is to give than to receive, we sometimes become our own worst enemies, always wanting to serve others (an endeavour to fulfil the first two lines) and refusing to let others serve us.  I have a sneaky suspicion those of us who are minister types are especially 'bad' in this respect - after all we called to serve the church aren't we.  One of my lessons these past few months, and more especially this post operative phase, is to have enough grace to allow others to serve... to give me help and support, whether that is a lift, some hoovering, shopping or a shared cuppa.  It is hard not to be Miss Flippin' Independent, hard not to devise means of doing things when there are people keen to help.  I am trying (very!) and it is a good lesson to begin to learn.  I'll always be more independent than most, but maybe, just maybe, a little more tempered by experience.

We are pilgrims on a journey

And companions on the road;

We are here to help each other

Walk the mile and bear the load.

Early in this particular journey two different people who have known me a long time, and know my tendency to self sufficiency offered words of wisdom that have stayed with me...

• Take care, and, when necessary, let others take care of you
• Keep the faith, and when you can't, let others keep it for you

I think I can say that I haven't reached a point of not 'keeping the faith' in so far as my belief and trust in God has never wavered, but there have been times when prayer has been impossible because I was too tired, too 'floppy', too 'brain mushed' or just didn't really know what or how to pray.  Sometimes the early hours of the morning have been, and continue to be, times of fear and anxiety (it's not only children who see strange shapes in the shadows!  Metaphorical shapes anyway).  So it is that I treat the words from old friends (and new) as a promise:

I will hold the Christlight for you

In the night time of your fear;

I will hold my hand out to you

Speak the peace you long to hear.

Scripture tells us to rejoice with those who rejoice and to weep with those who weep.  It is one of the odd aspects of being a minister that sometimes you do both on the same day, one minute conducting a funeral, the next celebrating a birth or a Baptism.  The rough and tumble of life is joy and sorrow blended in varying proportions.  Over the past years I've shared many extreme moments with other people - the privilege of being allowed to share their vulnerability and grief or their joy and delight.  But it isn't just ministers who sign up for this, it's part of being committed to one another as part of Christian community...

I will weep when you are weeping,

When you laugh I'll laugh with you

I will share your joy and sorrow

Til we've seen this journey through

I like the way the song moves to its climax - focusing on the worship of God in Christ:

When we sing to God in heaven

We will find such harmony

Born of all we've known together

Of Christ's love and agony.

This harmony, this beautiful worship, arises out of the shared experiences in all their bittersweet authenticity, not despite them.  I think that's important.  There is a worship song that causes many people difficulty with its line "and in his presence, our problems disappear" because it imply isn't true; faith, and more specifically worship, may grant perspective, may give us the ability to face great trials with tremendous courage and tenacity, but sure as heck doesn't vanish them.  The harmony that delights God arises from authentic Christ-centred living - which inevitably includes love and agony.

I miss being in church on a Sunday.  Circumstances have conspired to keep me away since Christmas, yet even so I hear snatches of the 'music of worship' that arises in 'life in all its fullness.'

Finally the hymn ends as it begins, a re-statement or re-affirmation of the commitment to one another...

Brother, sister, let me serve you

Let me be as Christ to you;

Pray that I may have the grace

To let you be my servant too

May it be so, Lord, may it be so.

This is the life!  A week of ministry by food!!

After Sunday's lunch (photo below, copyright someone at church but I'm not sure who!) today I'm off to the Coffee Club where I will sup average coffee (but it's cheap!) with those whose company always delights and whose mutual love and care is inspiring.  We will laugh, we will chat, we will grumble perhaps too.  But we will share fellowship and love as a community of grace.

Today's PAYG is designed to confound your average Proddy, quoting as it does from Ecclessiasticus (or Sirach, or The Wisdom of Jesus ben Sirach) a deutero canonical book that sits between the Old and New Testaments in some Bibles, notably those used by Catholics.  The status of these books is viewed differently by various Christian traditions, and lots of Bappies freak at the thought of it - which makes me smile given how many Victorian Bappy Chapels cite parts of it (now praise we great and faithful men....) on war memorials etc.

Anyway, here's today's protion from Ecclesiasticus/Sirach 4:11 - 19

Wisdom teaches her children
and gives help to those who seek her.
Whoever loves her loves life,
and those who seek her from early morning are filled with joy.
Whoever holds her fast inherits glory,
and the Lord blesses the place she enters.
Those who serve her minister to the Holy One;
the Lord loves those who love her.
Those who obey her will judge the nations,
and all who listen to her will live secure.
If they remain faithful, they will inherit her;
their descendants will also obtain her.
For at first she will walk with them on tortuous paths;
she will bring fear and dread upon them,
and will torment them by her discipline
until she trusts them,
and she will test them with her ordinances.
Then she will come straight back to them again and gladden them,
and will reveal her secrets to them.
If they go astray she will forsake them,
and hand them over to their ruin.

Lots you could do with that passage, for sure.  One option is the oft used personification of wisdom as Sophia, the third person of the Trinity, aka Holy Spirit.  You could substitute Holy Spirit throughout and that would make a challenging reading!

The passage shows that wisdom does not arrive neatly packages and ready to go, it is bourne of experience - some of which is pretty rough '... at first she will walk with them on tortuous paths; she will bring fear and dread upon them, and will torment them by her discipline...'  This is the bit that spoke to me as I listened this morning.  Sometimes my path at present feels not only tortuous but torturous, especially in the wee small hours when I can't get comfortable enough to sleep and the drug induced mega hot flushes leave me drenched in sweat (OK TMI probably), sometimes fear and dread are my companions in the dark, but through this I am learning something and - which is vitally important - 'she will walk with' me.  God's Spirit shares the journey to wisdom and is Wisdom within it.

The passage ends with a note of caution though - if you don't stick with it, wisdom (lowercase w) will leave you to face the consequences of your choices.  Or should that be Wisdom?  Scary stuff!  Sometimes I wish it would all go away; sometimes I don't really feel much like learning in and through it, but mostly I trust that through it and in it and beyond it God is helping me grow in grace and wisdom (very small w!).

I wonder what this passage says to you?