It was quite moving, yesterday, to watch the report of Nicola Sturgeon being sworn in as Scotland's First Minister, and I loved the softly spoken adress to her, rich in words of encouragement for what will be challenging, and at times thankless, task.

I hope, though, that her status as "first woman First Minister" does not prove to be too much of a burden... we 'first women' can become objects of curiosity, derision, insult, controversy and more... I am sure she's a tough cookie, but I hope that she won't need to be too tough.

Watching her at her first First Minister's Questions, I felt for her... everyone, it seemed, taking the opportunity to get their two pen'orth of "will you now do what you predecesor did not", and she was heard to say "this is my first day..." No honeymoon period, straight in at the deep end... at least churches are a bit kinder!

Evidently Ms Sturgeon's desire is for a more consensual (consensus based) form of government, not so far my own endeavours to be a collaborative minister.  That's not an easy path to walk, especially in an arena of huge personalities who may not share her desire.  If 'consensus' is 'something we can all live with' then she has a huge task on her hands, but it's one that has huge potential for the good of all.  This desire encourages me.

I don't have any party political allegiance, I am the archetypal floating voter, the one that everyone wants to woo but few bother with, because I am never in the target demographic; my thoughts would be broadly the same had she been from another party - this is not a covert SNP advert!!

Five years on from being a 'first woman' I have accommodated to the context in which I find myself; the novelty has long since worn off and mostly I just get on with the day job.  There are still people who 'blank', critcise or inslut me for being a woman, or being English, or being from The Gathering Place, or any permutation or combination of the above... Sexism, racism, worldview-ism: I guess Ms Sturgeon may experience two out of three of those locally, and all three more widely.  There are still times when the weight of responsibility is huge - and I am sure the same will be true for her too.  If we mess up it won't because we are bad, or merely fallible, ministers,  religious or political, but because we are women ministers.  That's not fair, but it's how it is.

So today, I offer a prayer for Nicola Stuegeon, a prayer from one woman for another, that the joys will outweigh the sorrows, that friends will be found in unexpected places, and that, as she fulfills her call (even if that is purely 'secular') with all its demands she will remain true to who she is.

God bless you, First Minister...

Today, friends in Rochester awoke to the news that a UKIP MP had been elected

Kyrie eleison

Today is the 40th anniversary of the Birmingham pub bombings

Kyrie eleison

Today, in west Africa, people will die from Ebola

Kyrie eleison

Today in the USA immigration rules are changed

Kyrie eleison

Today, TTIP and NHS funding will debated and decisions brought closer

Kyrie eleison

Today, I will take my cat back to the vet

Kyrie eleison

Tomorrow I will visit a friend, probably to say 'goodbye'

Kyrie eleison

Next week, I will begin preparations for Advent

Kyrie eleison

Next week, there will meetings and discusions and decisions

Kyrie eleison

Today, tomorrow, next week, I, we, you, they, will endeavour and achieve, attempt and fail

Christe eleison

Today, tomorrow and always

Dona nobis pacem

... were great fun and left us all wanting more.

Today we concluded with a real whistlestop tour of Ecclesiasticus aka Sirach aka Wisdom ben Sira, which had a freshness and relevance we found engaging, as well as some pretty strong stuff that challenged us.

Here's just one extract we looked at today, which spoke to me especially in light of my Amazon-free Advent...

Sirach 34:21-27

If one sacrifices ill-gotten goods, the offering is blemished;
   the gifts of the lawless are not acceptable.
The Most High is not pleased with the offerings of the ungodly,
   nor for a multitude of sacrifices does he forgive sins.
Like one who kills a son before his father’s eyes
   is the person who offers a sacrifice from the property of the poor.
The bread of the needy is the life of the poor;
   whoever deprives them of it is a murderer.
To take away a neighbour’s living is to commit murder;
   to deprive an employee of wages is to shed blood.

Everyone went away to give some thought to what they'd like to look at next, but before that, four weeks of African American Spiritual based reflections for Advent.

Yesterday I signed up to the Amazon-free Advent pledge, whereby I won't buy anything from Amazon (although they give you a conscience clause on kindle downloads!!) from 1st to 25th December as a kind of protest about the way their employees are treated.... we can order something for next day delivery late at night because some poor soul is working a night shift filling orders with very bad employment conditions... and then there's the whole tax avoidance thing.

I love Amazon and buy heaps of stuff from them - but I've signed the pledge, so to speak, and will adhere to it.

So, today, I began real world Christmas shopping (I am allegedly on leave this week, but it hasn't quite worked that way!!) and am rediscovering the fun of wandering round the shops looking for bits 'n' bobs.  Indeed, I have been inspired to do Christmas 'lite' this year, filling "small parcel" sizes boxes with inexpensive treats for family and friends rather than buying one item at the click of a mouse (or other pointing device!).  So far I have purchased some fundraising calendars, some chocolate coins (essential!) and a few items that 'spoke to me'.  It's fun, it may cost me more and it may cost me less (I suspect less, except for the mortgage for postage!) and feels closer to what it used to be in days gone by.

Visits to small, independent shops at one extreme and bargain basement buys from UK-based multiples at the other; 'aha' moments as I 'see this and think of you...' and the buzz and bustle of it all.

It is 'lite' in as much as no big purchases, and 'heavy' in so much as some serious re-thinking of how I spend my money.  And definitely a lightening of spirit... just need to dig out the cheesy CDs ready of December 1st!!

Next task... buy a chocolate filled Advent calednar and a few other treats to donate to a foodbank.

So, I gave my paper in a cramped room, with students arranged in a square and with nowhere really suitable to display my 'visual aids'... oh how I'd have loved to chuck out the tables and the projector and get everyone in a circle with no barriers... Still, you can only work with what is available.

The class was about 20 people aged between 18 and 50, of very diverse personalities and experiences.  This was the midday slot in week 8 or 9 of ten - they were tired, overloaded with stuff and possibly not really up for yet another hour of listneing, but for the most part, they stayed engaged and listened respectfully (when was it I learned to distinguish between doodling as a way of concentrating and doodling as disengaged distraction?!)

Overall the talk went OK.  One young girl looked so close to tears in the early bits that I had to avert my gaze, and as I've noted, one person doodled the entire way through.  This was the first time, though that my St Paul 1, Catriona 0 comment (on the day my hair feel out big time and I had to wear a scarf to church to preach) fell flat... not even a hint of recognition, never mind the chuckles that arose with the other two audiences.  Even mentioning it was from Corinthians and Paul's views on women in worship failed to illicit the slightest response.  Oh dear, Biblical illiteracy is getting worse.  Given that, my Julian of Norwich quote, Taize song and Jesuit PAYG probably went right over their heads!

The Q and A session went really well, though, some good, thoughtful questions from some very earnest students.  I suppose what slightly wrong-footed me was one of the questions that, rightly, arose from what they'd been exploring in the 'input' hour before I arrived, which was about 'how we hear God'.  One person explained this and then said, 'how did you hear God in all of this.'  Good question to which I bluffed an answer which went along the lines of, 'in the advice of the medical professionals, in friends and in a sense of God being at hand even in my most terrified moments.'  That was all true, but my problem - which I was only able to recognise and articulate on my way home - is that God isn't always to be heard.  The whole apophatic tradition is predicated on a God who is silent and seemingly absent; the 'Dark Night of the Soul' and other such writings lead us away from any simplistic (and ultimately flawed) assumption that God will always be heard, or indeed, speak... what of Gethsemane, Golgotha...  Or, as I suggested in a post on the college's FB page, the experience of Elijah on Horeb when God was heard in..... sheer silence.  Presence in absence... a true mysterium.  And of course I added my favourite Jewish ghetto prayer:

I believe in the sun when it isn't shining

I believe in love when I can't feel it

I beleive in G-d when G-d is silent.

Right at the end the tutor asked me what one thing would I say about pastoral care (wish I'd had foresight to guess that was coming or had notice of it) so again I bluffed something about listening, being real and not projecting, that people understand when your intent is good even if what you say is dumb.  What I wish I'd said, and which I also left on their FB page was along these lines.... that it's OK not to know what to say, that you can say you don't know/understand, that you can say it's not fair/just, that you don't have to have a Bioble verse or a promise, that sometimes what's needed is someone simply to come and share the confusion or darkness, and in so-doing to normalise the experience.

My brain is so slow these days... I was always a reflective learner (a mull-er-over) but I was reasonably good at Q and A.  I'm not going to beat myself up over what I said or didn't say, and I'm glad there are ways to feedback further thoughts, but maybe I need to do a bit more ahead of time thinking nowadays...