Today was meant to be a gentle prepration for Baptist Assembly, in fact, this week was meant to be quiet.  Silly me.

Omnicompetent horsefly that I am, this week's new skills (so far) have been...

Invoicing Social Services for Lunch Club

Banking Lunch Club money

Mopping up geriatric vomit

Patching up geriatric injuries

Reporting crimes to property (empty church broken into) to Police and insurers

Negotiating with contractors over potential sale of floorboards and light fittings

 

Should I do these things?  No.

And if I don't...  At least the first two were "one off" cover due to pastoral situation

Core Competence Numbers 1068 -1073 or thereabouts (sorry Kez, I Lost count somewhere along the line).

Just back from my 2 minute walk to my Polling Station, the nearby St John's Community Centre.  Here the Returning Office was loudly proclaiming that it was not St John's it was the council's they had a 25 year lease (about 10 years ago) from the diocese and had wanted to drop the St John's so people wouldn't think it was the church hall - even though it still is and the church has several people on the committee.  My retiring (and standing) local councillor who opposed (though obviously could not vote against) our planning application stood at the door sporting a jacket over his usual teeshirt and jogging bottoms.  Obviously election day is the time for dressing up.  Having removed a fly poster from our noticeboard then dodged litter and dog mess to get to the poll, it will interesting to see if any of the candidates, if elected, come good on their promises to clean the streets and address vandalism.

Whenever elections come around, I remember my Dad's one and only very stern instruction on politics - that we must vote, that people died to get us the vote.   It was not an option and there was always a vague sense he might return to haunt me if I didn't!  He was right of course, and now, as I look back, I realise that, even if I don't share his politics, he worked hard for what he believed in.  He and his brother must have been an odd pair, one a soldier in north Africa, the other a consientious objector; one a Conservative, one a Socialist, yet both at different times served on local councils (my Dad was very much into getting road signs put up on hazardous bits of road - there are still a few signs in North Bucks he is responsible for!  My uncle was at one point a big wig in a council in Bromsgrove).  It is perhaps as well they lived in different counties as in later years it might have been confusing to have them door knocking for opposing parties!

Thinking about these two ill matched, yet ultimately similar, brothers makes me a little less gruff in my attitude to my, likely to be re-elected, local councillor.  I might not share his politics, I might not like his opinions, but at least he is prepared to work for what he believes in.

In our Lent studies, one of the threads was about polititians, and Wendy Craig, I think it was, observed that they have a very difficult job, and one they enter because they want to make things better.  She, rightly, reminded us that we should pray for, not about, them.  So, having fulfilled my responsibilities as a UK citizen, and exercised my right to express my preferences, I can do no other than heed her advice.  By this time tomorrow we will have a new local council, new committees will convened and who knows, we might even get our planning application through next time!

If you want a thought provoking, yet humurous list of attributes for a minister then try these from Kim Fabricius (or Ben Myers)

1. Ministers should be able to lead and to organise, but they are not called to be managers – and woe unto the minister who would run the one, holy, catholic, apostolic – and “efficient” McChurch!

2. Ministers should be able to conduct worship winsomely and to preach intelligently – but woe unto the minister who would be an entertainer or cheerleader – or turn prayer into a “resource.”

3. Ministers should be able to listen, empathise, care, advise, and give spiritual direction, but they are not called to be therapists, let alone life-style coaches – and woe unto the minister who would turn out well-balanced citizens who make the system “work”!

4. Ministers are not called to be casual visitors, but they should certainly be sharing in the lives of their people, and meeting them where they are most truly themselves, in the quotidian as well as the crisis – often at home and, for chaplaincies, at work – laughing with those who laugh and weeping with those who weep.

5. Ministers are not called to be scholars, but they need to rediscover their roles as community theologians (as teachers, not just “facilitators”). Breaking “the strange silence of the Bible in the church” (James Smart), they must ensure that the scriptures are at the centre of congregational life, and that their churches are cultures of learning. They must also ensure that the hermeneutical and ethical tasks are one, shaping character as well as transforming minds.

6. Ministers are not called to be scientists or sociologists, but they should be keen observers of, and articulate commentators on, what is happening in the world, to enable their congregations to engage their faith with their life and work, vigilantly discern the signs of the times, and boldly witness to Christ in the polis.

7. Ministers are not chairmen of the board, and their ministries should be exercised collaboratively. And ministers should not be doing what others can do; otherwise they disempower them and rob them of their own ministries. Making themselves as redundant and unnecessary as possible, ministers should help people to discover and deploy their own particular grace-gifts, equipping the saints for building up the body of Christ.

8. Ministers are shepherds – though many a member would prefer a pet lamb. As they call their flock to new pastures, and to experimental patterns and models of ministry, they are inevitably going to piss off some of the fat sheep. So ministers must expect to be butted. Another zoological metaphor: ministers should be horseflies, not butterflies – better to be swatted than mounted.

9. Ministers represent the local church to the wider church, and the wider church to the local church – and the church is very wide. You know the story of the Welsh parch who was finally rescued after years stranded on a desert island, where he had built a little village: when the sailors asked why he had constructed two churches, he replied, “That is the one I don’t attend.” Ministers should nurture ecumenical collegiality. And if it is said that an ecumenical freeze has set in, Emily Dickinson wrote: “Winter under cultivation / Is as arable as spring.”

10. Finally, ministers, remember this: your congregations are unlikely to resemble the early church in Acts, so whenever you get stressed out, read Paul’s Corinthian correspondence – and thank God for the awkward buggers he has given you to love!

 

Like all the best things I read, I makes me say 'yes, but...' I agree but in a tiny church of older folk you seem to end up as the omnicomptent horsefly or nothing happens.

Another little gem that did the rounds a few years backis this one, which I amended to allow for girly revs: -

The Perfect Minister preaches for exactly 15 minutes - he condemns sin but never upsets anyone. 

 

 She works from 8.00 a.m. until midnight and is also a good caretaker. 

 

He receives slightly more than the minimum wage established by the government, pays his taxes, wears good clothes, never looks shabby,
keeps his library up to date, entertains regularly, drives a new car and gives £x,ooo a year to the poor and to the congregation. 

 

She is 28 – 30 years old and has approximately 25 - 30 years experience in the ministry.

 

He has a burning desire to work with teenagers and spends all of his time with senior citizens.

The Perfect Minister smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humour that keeps him seriously dedicated at all times to the work. 

 

She makes daily calls on church families, shut-ins, and those in hospital - he spends all of his time evangelising the un-churched and is always in the office when needed.

 

With lists of core competencies as long as your arm, and everyone having a view on what the minister should be/do I think the two key things needed are (1) a sense of call of the 'I can do no other' strength and (2) a sense of humour.  Not for nothing did Isaiah say of the Lord's servant, 'he will not be discouraged' - it isn't saying 's/he doesn't get discouraged' rather 's/he is just a sufficiently stubborn and determined horsefly not to give up but instead to keep on keeping on no matter what.'

I love Kim Fabricious' propositions and say 'yes, amen' but I see them as a vision that is both 'now and not yet'

(I will stop posting before Assembly, honest!)

Today the 'new look' BUGB website hit the wires or wirelesses or whatever it is these days.

It is pretty easy to navigate and it is good to find the tabs relate to things I actually want to find.

I think what impresses me most is how they have managed to avoid using male-only language for God without it getting clumsy or contrived.  They have also had a reasonable attempt at what we mean by prayer and worship.  The new 'what makes a Baptist' which replaces 'who'd be a Baptist' is a lot more gentle in its style and the images have a slightly quirky sense of fun about them (though you may hate them) which is hopefully going to make it more appealing (very tempted to print off a set for my folk!  Though it seems you cannot download the Lordship of Christ..!).

If you haven't visited it before then now is your big chance [;-)] - just click here and try not to get too dizzy as the photos scroll by on the home page.

I like Brainiac, it is irreverent but generally good clean fun.  I also like the Tickle's Teaser slot - things that make you go hmmm.

So here's one for you...

A friend who is a minister in another denomination has resigned their post because they no longer believe in God.  My instinct is to offer to pray for them as they adjust to their new situation - but what should I pray and, more pertinently, what should I say to them, as prayer is no longer in their vocabulary... hmmm.