This morning I was attempting to tidy up my office - I didn't get very far, but at least the cupboard in which all the pens, pencils, scissors, glue and miscellaneous bits 'n' bobs go has been sorted out, and I can see the wood of my desk.

Just as I thought I'd finished, I spotted one of the numerous picture cards that had escaped the 'pile'.  I paused to see which it was before stowing it.  It made me think. A lot.

A transformed heart, I sort of understand that, it's what conversion (event and process) is about, becoming more Christ-like and more who I am called to be.

An undefended heart, I understand that too, but it's harder to pray ... give me heart that can be broken, a heart that can be torn... a heart that also receive love, hope and joy... a heart that can be repaired and renewed.

Perhaps, on reflection, it's not such a hard prayer, just, like all true prayers, a slightly risky one, accepting that God may answer in ways we would not choose or expect...

A transformed and undefended heart - open, vulnerable, hopeful, loving... I'll do my best!

Already I have few plans for the year ahead...

In February, a short break in Florence with a friend I met at work when we were both in our early 20s!!

Sometime in the summer, walking the St Magnus Way in Orkney, hopefully with another friend, who I met through church back in 1995.

Working with some others to create a publication to mark 100 years of women's ordained, accredited, Baptist ministry in the UK.

In October, marking a decade since I arrived in Glasgow!

The way Christmas has fallen this year has meant I haven't been away, and a number of pastoral and practical matters mean that it's only now that I am pausing - and having a lieu day for Boxing Day (I think) before sharing in leading worship on Sunday - one small triumph for ecumenism!

It would very dishonest to say that 2018 has been the best year ever, it certainly has not.  Nonetheless, as it reaches its close, I am healthy, content and have just booked a lovely weekend break in February, when I will head to Florence with one of my oldest friends.

The year has had many church-related highlights - the baptism of five friends in May, the emergence of new leaders for our Sunday School, a wedding, welcoming people into my home for meals, generous financial giving to important causes, and the pure delight of seeing younger people flourishing and finding their voices.

It has also also had some personal delights - a long weekend in Rome and a fortnight in Czechia being especially enjoyable.

There have been challenges and disappointments, and a lot of sadness - when five people who have been important in your story die within three months, that's quite a lot to process.

There have been times of self-doubt and questioning, and there have been times when I have (finally) felt, 'actually I am OK at this ministry lark.' However it has felt, my sense of call has not wavered one bit, and I remain convinced God calls me to this role, in this place, at this time.

Sasha the cat has had a tough year, too, with endless tests, surgery and drugs that have horrible side effects - we are hopeful that the new year will see her weaned off the drugs and able to enjoy being a happy cat again, along with her mum, Sophie, who is thriving, and winning over even the most unsure of guests!

As the year draws to its close, I feel positive and hopeful. I have learned a lot about myself - and about others - this past year, which I hope will enable me to 'grow', even flourish in 2019.  There continue to be green shoots at church, and God's grace which had brought us safe this far, will continue to lead us on.

I know that among my readers are many others for whom2018 has been demanding or difficult - as it draws to its close, and as we turn the page to begin writing the story of 2019, my prayer is that hope will sustain you, joy uplift you,  peace fill you and love will surround you whatever the year may bring.

Dessert - Christmas pudding, AND trifle AND ice-cream WITH cream - well, why not?

The culmination of the the Advent journey is, for all clergy, a day of extreme busyness, whatever 'flavour' they are, and whatever their church does, or does not do, as part of its traditions.

When I left home this morning, it was quiet and largely still.  A few dog walkers and runners, and, in a restaurant, tables were being prepared for festive diners.

Morning worship with a combined congregation from two (or three) churches, and a lot of visitors, some of them simply curious. At the close of the serivce a young man approached me and asked if I knew of anything happening that he could go to today because he was an overseas student with nowhere to go.  What a thrill that he joined us, joined in - and afterwards told us he was a Buddhist!

Lunch was its usual fun-filled self and thirty-odd of us sat down to enjoy a good feed! Alas the man referred by social services was unwell and didn't make it, but at least I knew he had someone with him.  As we were packing up at the end, someone observed to me that you could tell I was a Baptist because I was 'fully immersed' in everything from taking the service to playing carols to serving lunch.  It made me smile.

Yesterday an online friend told me she had been telling her niece about this woman she knew in Glasgow, and the church that opened its doors to give a meal to lonely people on Christmas Day... appparently this earned the response, 'that's proper Christianity'... I'll take that!

My day is not yet done, but it has been a good day, a day that expressed so much of what Christmas should be.

Tomorrow I will probably sleep a lot - but for now, it's just good to rest content for an hour or so before venturing out for the last task of the day.

Today's reading left me feeling that the author was glad to reach the end... as if just shy of six weeks had been a bit too long, they were travel weary and frankly just wanted to sit down with a cup of tea and a mince pie... or maybe that's projection on my part!

If you have journeyed with me these 39/40 days (and maybe kept count better than I did!) then THANK YOU for your companionship, and I hope that some of what I've shared has been in some small way of value.

If you are now chillaxing after a busy year, enjoying rest, refreshment and simply 'being' then that's wonderful, and I wish the deep, lasting rest that will strengthen you for fresh challenges in the year ahead.

If you are working hard, finalising services, caring for the sick and dying, working in a job that operates 24/7/365, or rushing round like a mad thing to do the last minute preparations at home, may you find joy and fulfilment in your labours, bringing to life new hope and deeper love.

If Christmas is hard for you, this year, or every year, then I pray you may find some tiny chink of light, some happy memory, some hopeful moment, and that in the darkest, saddest, emptiest low-points, you will recall the love that has held you, and will continue to hold you now and always.

In a few moments, I'll be off out in the freezing fog for the last hospital and care home visits of the year, and later I'll be helping to set up for tomorrow's Christmas Day lunch. A couple of days ago I had a call from social services, and as a result we will welcome a gentleman who would otherwise be alone, and doesn't want to be... my first job of the day has been to book his taxi, and I look forward to welcoming him tomorrow.

The prayer from the book...

Holy, gracious and loving God, you stepped into our world; you became incarnate; your took on our humanity that we might take on your divinity.  May I rest this night knowing what the dawn brings, knowing the joy which awaits me.  May I rest this night ready to celebrate the glorious bright of Jesus Christ. Amen

Or, in the words of Tiny Tim: God bless us every one!!