Lent begins today, and so I am beginning a fairly gentle reading schedule with a couple of very simple resources.

Sacred Space for Lent 2021 is produced by the Irish Jesuit network and provides a daily Bible passage (printed in full) and a couple of questions to ponder

Thy Will be Done - The 2021 Lent Book by Stephen Cherry is a gentle amble through Matthew's version of the Lord's Prayer.

In a nice synchronicity, serendipity, Holy Spirit hmm moment, whatever it was, today's Sacred Space reading was the context of Matthew's Lord's Prayer (Matt 6).

Over the days ahead, I will endeavour to keep up to date with the reading, and to share anything that I think might be of interest to others.

For today, it's the literal translation of Matthew's Lord's Prayer from Thy Will Be Done that gives me pause for thought...

Father of us, the one in the heavens,

Let be revered the name of you,

Let come the kingdom of you,

Let be done the will of you,

as in heaven, also on earth.

The bread of us us daily give us today.

And forgive us the debts of us,

As also we have forgiven the debtors of us.

And do not bring us into temptation,

but rescue us from the evil one.

Father of us... means the same as Our Father, but the unfamiliar form perhaps helps me (or us) to notice new nuances... not 'our possession' but 'the one who fathers us'...  or maybe it invites us to ponder just who is the 'us' and how broad or narrow that definition might be. Neither of these, I might add, is where the book goes!

The Jesusit book begins with the stern reminder about 'practising your piety before people', with emphases on alms giving, prayer and fasting, all of which are often associated with Lent.  Curious challenge then, to share things that might be interesting/resonant without falling into the trap of hypocrisy along the way.

Whatever you are or aren't taking on as a Lent discipline (and none is required) I do hope you find blessing.

Shrove Tuesday or Pancake Day or evening Mardi Gras, whatever name you give it, it was nice to be able treat myself to some pancakes/crepes for breakfast.

Lots of batter left over, so I am thinking about making a (veggie) toad in the hole for tea!

Lent begins tomorrow, and I return to work after a few days rest.  It is more than a tad strange preparing for a second digital Lent, but we have some good things planned. I am hoping to post a bit more regularly, based on my Lenten reading. 

This morning I phoned my GP practice to order a prescription - something I always do at least a week ahead of time.  For the first time since I began having to do this, I didn't order Tamoxifen, and it felt weird!  I have eleven more days to go (not that I am counting or anything) and then that's it.

Some people feel strangely liberated to reach the end of their 'hormone therapy', especially if the side effects have been significant (and mine certainly have). 

Some people feel anxious, as if a safety net has been snatched away (at the moment I certainly do not)

Some people stop taking the drug early, for all sorts of reasons, and a very small number take it for life. Most take it for five years (low risk) or ten years (high risk). I am grateful to my consultant whose advice and guidance have informed my decision to stick with it, despite multiple and complex side effects.

It has been a bit of a love-hate relationship, but common sense has always prevailed, and as I often say, 'I am here to moan about it.'

I am hoping that in a few weeks the side effects will wear off, and am reassured by the science that suggests the benefit of the drug should last another five years or so.

In other times, tomorrow would have been my final visit to the breast clinic, but in these times, that appointment was cancelled six months ago.  Looking back over the ten and a half years since my diagnosis, I know just how fortunate I am - in recent weeks, a friend has had a second primary diagnosis, someone I supported a few years back has had a secondary diagnosis, and another friend has news of further progression of her stage 4 disease.

Yes, it's the final countdown for Tamoxifen, but the vigilence and residual 0.1% niggle will remain for the rest of my life.

So, if you are offered screening, please take it; if you have worrying symptoms, please report them.  Cancer caught early is almost always treatable and sometimes curable... 122 boxes of Tamoxifen later, I am proof that long term remission, and a fulfilled life, are possible and achievable.

This little selection of books is the core texts for a course I have enrolled on, to train as a Pastoral Supervisor.  There is certainly a LOT to read , mark, learn and digest, and it will be demanding - but it's also exciting.

There may, in due course, be posts about what i am learning (the course starts at the end of March, I'm just getting myself organised in good time!)

Having a few days of Annual Leave gives an opportunity for a bit of rest and refreshment... in this case, a delicious afternoon tea, where, apart from slicing cucumber, halfing tomatoes, making a sandwich and cutting a cake, all I did was assemble it!  Of course, I could have just put out the same things on a plate, but the point was to make it special.

Recently, I have been very much reminded how bad so many of us minister-types are at self-care. It is a life's work for me, and I think that so many people (ministers or not) have been taught 'it is more blessed to give than to receive' that we forget that we cannot give what we haven't first received.

So, yesterday was afternoon tea.  This morning was the full veggie brekkie, equally a treat in a different way.

Whether it's edible treats, long soaks in the bath, gentle ambles, films, music or books, it's important to be kind to ourselves.

As the song says 'learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all'