Today was the penultimate 'stepping stone' and tomorrow I will finally 'break free' from the nuking chamber.  As I am heading south immediately I am 'done' there will be no real time post tomorrow (advance post already prepared!) and this corner of blogworld will be quiet for a few days.

I just wanted to mention J and Mrs J (I know one only by her first name and the other only by her formal name) who have shared much of the river traverse with me.  As it happens they both finish 4 working days behind me.  J is roughly my age - possibly a little younger - whilst Mrs J is a good bit older.  They have been such lovely travelling companions for this last phase, always laughing, always positive, always ready for a conversation.  As I left this morning Mrs J said 'so, it'll be a wee hug tomorrow then', to which I replied, 'absolutely!'

A few other people to mention in passing.  There's C from Oban, roughly a week ahead of me, who always looked so lovely in her co-ordinated scarves and outfits.  There's Mrs D who was having some palliative radiotherapy for secondaries to a very rare form of brain cancer.  There is Mrs C who today, for the first time 'dared to bare' her regrowing hair (and looked pretty funky it must be said!).  There's the lady who gets treated early on the days she has to catch the ferry home (suggesting today was her final 'zap').  There's the RC lady who overlapped with me by just a few days as I began.

It has been an interesting experience, and I am fortunate to have had almost no side effects... yes, I've re-named myself Robyn, yes I have a perfect square of exit burning on my back and yes, I had some nausea in the early stages, but my energy levels have stayed up throughout (one tired evening and one tired morning) and I feel well.

As I perch on my stepping stone, with the river bank tantalisingly close, it is strange to think that this time tomorrow it will all be over and I will be officially moving in to the phase of 'living beyond breast cancer'.

I have a cold.  Normally no great cause for comment.  But it is actually nice to have something 'normal'  - a cold - rather than something alarming like febrile neutropenia (which I thankfully never experienced) or an infection requiring immediate A&E action.

I think the signficance struck me on Saturday night when I felt the cold beginning and checked my temperature - absolutely normal - and recalled the last time this occured, in January, having a temperature of 38.5 and spending half a day at A&E before being given strong antibiotics.

Just a cold!  A nuisance, as it means I can't visit my sick people in their hospitals.  A nuisance as it means I sniff and sneeze and cough, and am conerned in case I do any of these at the wrong moment of the zapping process.  A nuisance, but a nice, normal, ordinary kind of nuisance.

I'm guessing I may be more susceptible to colds, etc. for a while having had my immune system hammered at the back end of last year, but at least I can now fight them off like anyone else.

Just a cold... hurrah!

Yesterday I observed that it is a small world, as some of my peeps know the in-laws (as it transpires) of the mysterious (at least for now) A who comes before her Min Rec this week.  Today the world shrank still further as it transpired that two unrelated folk knew the author of one of my quotations used in the sermon and on the handout on faith and doubt:

"Christian faith involves an assertion of the truth of what is believed (the faith), a personal experience of that truth (trust in God) a kind of loving that slows from it (faith in action) and a constancy of approach (faithfulness)."

Rex Chapman Faith in Dictionary of Spirituality, London SCM Press p. 145

The last two services seem to have been well received, despite my misgivings that they were more theology lessons than sermons.  Some people have hated the handouts (with bits and bob of theology on them) and others have loved them.  Some people this morning were literally sitting on the edges of their seats (not sure why!) and others said they found it helpful.

I am enjoying using my brain again, and reading theology as well as commentaries... my poor long-suffering people just have to have my weird and wonderful explorations thrust at them!

So, the service exploring 'Faith and Doubt' is upon us, or is it actually more of a (little knowledge being dangerous) dodgy Greek lesson?  A lot of what I'll be saying emerges from getting side-tracked by the way the GNB (the pew Bible we happen to have) translated a particular Greek word (which can legitimately be rendered 'doubt') differently from other translations.  There are, it would seem, the NT scholars can correct me, albeit too late for today's service, five Greek words that can be translated as 'doubt' used in the NT:

Diakrinomenoj (diakrinomenos) which literally means 'through judgement' and translates as 'discern', 'discriminate', 'judge', 'hesitate', 'doubt', 'distinguish' and 'estimate' (18 occurences)

Aporew (aporeo) which literally means 'without means' and translates as 'hesitating' or 'being in doubt and perplexity' and can be used to refer to 'uncertainty'. (4 occurences)

Diaporew (diaporeo) – which literally means 'through perplexity'. (3 occurences)

Distazw  (distazo) – which literally means 'to duplicate' (2 occurences)

Dialogismoj (dialogismos) – which literally means 'through reckoning' (1 occurence)

The word that got me going along this avenue for thought was from 2 Cor 4:8 (Aporew) which the GNB translates as doubt and pretty much everyone else as 'perplexed'.

Anyway, the guts of what I'm going to say, is that if we view 'doubt' as something active, involved in wrestling with ideas and seeking to understand, whilst avoiding over-analysing then it is actually something quite positive.  To hesitate before rushing to conlcusions, to discriminate, discern, distinguish, these seem positive.  Only wavering seems to have a negative sense... with the KJV translation of James 1 giving us a waverer who waveth is like a wave on the sea... fab!

So here's the thing.... someone I know mainly through blogging met someone at the English/Southern/BUGB-BMS Assembly who also reads this rubbish and discovered she was coming North to study at Jim's Academy of Fine Theology, so asked if I'd mind her making contact.  It transpires that this week some Gatherers had a meal with the parents and sister (I think) of said person.

Someone in Dibley once commented that I knew everyone in the Baptist (i.e. BUGB) world, which is far from true, but the whole British Baptist scene is pretty small, girly revs in Scotland a bit like hens' teeth and I do make a deliberate effort to be involved translocally as well as in my pastorate.

Anyway, by the wonders that are, I am hoping to meet up with A very soon in real life, to eat cupcakes, and hopefully celebrate both her successful passage through MRC and my completion of treatment.

A, we contine to pray for you as your near MRC... go girl!