Last night we had the 'walk through' for Saturday's wedding. These are, in my limited experience, always quite intense times, but important for the bride and groom and for those taking an active role in the proceedings. I arrived at the church we are borrowing and met the Authorised Person, a lovely man who used to teach Chemistry in Leicester and who has a deep respect for the Asian community among whom he worked. I asked about signing the register in church - one of the things we want to do - and he was enthusiastic, suggesting we used the Communion Table 'unless you have any objections.' I was actually delighted - it sits centrally and would really help to bring this element of the ceremony into the service proper (It also fits quite well with old Baptist practice where the table was just that, a functional object with a drawer in which the Church Book was stored). Then the caretaker arrived... no, you can't use the Communion Table, it will have flowers on it... what do you mean you don't want to go into the vestry... To be fair, she's a generous hardworking woman, but if I'm bossy, well she could win prizes for it!
Poor woman, she has seen countless weddings and they've 'always been done this way' so our 21st century cross-cultural tweaks are a bit freaky for her. Every step of the walk through she was telling us who should be where and what they should be doing - and I had to keep saying, 'well we're not actually doing it like that.' The A.P. exchanged a few sly grins with us at times.
As we sent the bridal party to the porch to sort out their order (the aisles are narrow) the dear lady said 'I won't let you in until its after the scheduled start time, it's bad luck to be on time.' 'But we don't believe in luck,' said I, and the bride's mother raised her eyebrows in sympathy. I wonder what image of westerners we created - probably rather a crazy one. I do hope she doesn't introduce a whole pile of other crazy superstitions on Saturday!
One thing I hadn't appreciated, though maybe I should have, is that the groom's mother speaks almost no English. She seems a very gentle, thoughtful lady, and it will be important that our actions and attitudes communicate what our words cannot. This seems to affirm my decision to use some symbols (or 'visual aids' for those who have a problem with symbols) as part of the service.
Lastly, just as we were leaving, one of the groom's friends spotted the baptistry - an open one, located directly under the pulpit (a design I really dislike). He asked what it was - and before I could utter a word the caretaker said 'it's where you go through the waters.' Well that doesn't mean much to most Christians, never mind most people. For her, the meaning was self-evident, she's been there all her life, but for anyone coming in for the first time...
I am looking forward to Saturday. It sounds as if we'll have a pretty full church by the time all the family, friends and extras (including someone from Holland apparently!) have arrived. That's good. It's a great opportunity for the Church to show itself as welcoming, creative and relevant.
I hope the caretaker lady is able to relax and enjoy this 21st century celebration that embraces much that is traditional but is not bound by tradition. Above all, I hope it is the start of a life-long and fulfilling relationship for bride and groom.