No, not literally, metaphorically. I am suffering from the challenges of trying to please too many people all at once and in the end being left unsure who I am any more!! It seems that what I write is simultaneously too much like a report and not enough like an essay, is too narrative and too formal, not 'sharp' enough and not 'soft' enough, is too complex and too facile, too detailed and not detailed enough. I am confused, bemused and now, bruised. I am sure that all the commenters on stuff I have written in various contexts recently have valid perspectives, but somewhere in all of this I am losing my voice, losing the freedom to say what I want to say how I want to say it, not in the sense of ignoring the requirements of specific audiences, but in being able to be authentically me. I never was much good at creative writing, though better at poetry than prose, but could produce a decent factual account and deduce inferences from information. Maybe having a little sister who is fantastically good with words, and will hopefully soon have her first book published, adds to my sense of inferiority?
So, this becomes my safer place to write, where I use my own mish-mash of styles, grammar and vocabulary, can blend bullet points with paragraphs, creativity with commentary, and generally find some freedom of speech.
Verses from a couple of hymns come to mind, which speak to me today:
Take my voice, and let me sing
Ever, only for my King;
Take my lips, and let them be
Filled with messages from thee.
...Take my intellect and use
Every power as thou shalt choose.
Frances Ridley Havergal
Take my talents, takes my skill,
Takes what's yet to be;
Let my life be yours and yet,
Let is still be me
Now I will return to my latest rewriting task, and try to balance the intent behind the comments with it still being my voice that is heard...