The last two weeks have been very busy - lots and lots of travel, conference type things, meetings, presentations and stuff; especially stuff.  And it's been good.

Last week was the BUS NSM event which provided some valuable revision on conflict resolution techniques,  tips and tricks on healthy decision making, and of which the closing communion service was very precious.

Monday this week was a day spent with the OBM doing quasi-monastic kind of prayer and support group and accountability group type stuff, and it was good.

Tuesday was spent with the CBM listening to ideas about one way in which ministers can be supported and encouraged as they continue to grow and develop through demanding ministries in ways that are healthy.  And it was very helpful to listen.

Last evening and this morning I spent time with the BUS BoM Task Group reflecting with BUGB's equivalent Team Leader on the work we've done on CMD up here.  And it was all good, helping things to drop into place in my addled brain.

Perhaps it was the Monday and Tuesday meetings that were the catalyst in a process I've been living with and through for a while now.  It's been hard, as a self-motivated, workaholic, creative, mission-minded minister comig to terms with the long term side effects of life-saving treatment that has left me with, among other things, poor(er) concentration, blurred vision, joint pain, lethargy etc.  As time has passed I have become more and more aware of needing and wanting to restore more order and structure to my working life, to dig fresh wells for my spirtuality (or at least to clear out the debris from the old ones). 

The last two weeks have really helped with that.  But it was a remarks on Monday and Tuesday from a woman minister that crystalised things.  In our trial cell conversation she spoke of her own discovery that how you are is OK, there is permission to be tired or dry or whatever, and that naming it is healthy.  In a chat on the Tuesday she to me, "it's really great that you feel you're starting to wake up."

Perhaps the last couple of years have been a bit dormant, and perhaps I have been reluctant to admit to myself the toll of all I've been through.  In the last few days I have spoken aloud quite a few times "but I can't do that any more" and it has been quite liberating... I can't work stupid hours, I can't concentrate for hours and hours, I can't read at high speed, I can't do things that make my arms or feet or back hurt (or hurt a lot anyway), I can't read in poor light... but I can be me and I can be refreshed and re-invigorated, and news ways of doing and being that are emerging that will, I hope and pray, enhance my ministry here at The Gathering Place.