Writing my Mark sermon is going nowhere fast; I also have an Elijah one to do this week for the local penties who are mad enough to invite me back.  But then it's a week off - well sort of.  It's a week's leave of which three days are a university Summer School.  It'll be good to catch up with others and I hope the input is helpful, though Reading does not feature on my list of 'must visit' towns and cities!  So, in the absence of a laptop, I will not be posting.  So freedom from my inane drivel too.

Having just read a post on some of Rowan William's thoughts on Ministry and Baptism, I was reminded of this joke about Baptism.  The Anglican in the joke is wrong of course, but it's fun.

Two long time friends were walking in the cool of the morning discussing the mode of baptism. Both had graduated seminary at the same time, moved to the same town, and each started their ministries there: One a baptist - the other an anglican

Let's listen in to their conversation:

Anglican: So let me get this straight...you believe a person isn't baptized unless they have been fully immersed in water - is that correct?

Baptist: Correct. We believe in full immersion - not pouring or sprinkling.

Anglican: So if you walked a person into a stream up to their ankles that wouldn't consist in an actual baptism?

Baptist: No sir, no baptism.

Anglican: What if you got them wet up past their knees?

Baptist: Still not good enough.

Anglican: What about if they waded in to their waist? Would you pronounce them baptized?

Baptist: No, no, no...what about immersion do you not understand?

Anglican: Please forgive me, I am slow sometimes...I really do want to understand you and I thank you for your patience. Just a couple of more questions and I'll move onto other edifying topics. What if they were immersed up to their chest?

Baptist: No.

Anglican: Neck?

Baptist: No.

Anglican: What if they walked all the way in, held their breath, and were up to their eyeballs in water?

Baptist: No, they have to be immersed.

Anglican: I think I understand now...You and I agree after all! Wait until the next PCC meeting!

Baptist: Wha...What do you mean? Did I convince you that immersion is the only way for baptism to be properly administered?

Anglican: On the contrary - you gave me great evidence against it!

Baptist: I did?!?

Anglican: You sure did. You convinced me that getting your feet wet doesn't make one baptized. You convinced me that getting wet up to your knees or waist doesn't make one baptized. You convinced me that being up to your chest or neck in water doesn't make one baptized. You even convinced me that being up to your eyeballs in water doesn't cut it.

Baptist: So?!?

Anglican: So what that tells me is that both of us deem water being administered to the head as sufficient to consider one baptized.

 

More seriously, looks like Rowan William's book is, as ever, well worth reading

... proselytised?

I am wondering about new signs for our defunct building after discovering this morning no less than six broken windows and two rear cellar doors ripped off completely.  The local police came along and offered advice on improving security, but in the meantime I was wondering whether to buy some really scary tracts and affixing signs offering to proselytise anyone who ventures onto the plot.  Well it's either that or make them watch all the Alpha videos in one sitting.  Not that I dislike Alpha, I have been involved in a couple of Alpha courses, it's just that all those enormous floral displays and adoring looks from Pippa to her preacher-husband kind of get my goat.  That and a load of seekers who turn up with Bibles and can find all the passages quickly, yeah, right!

Today we had our glimpse of Jesus according to Matthew, which on the whole went well and most people seemed to engage with it.  But there is one person, bless her, who thinks she knows the Bible better than the combined minds of every Biblical scholar ever.  As part of the introduction, I noted that none of the gospels is 'signed' and that the ascriptions to authors are traditional.  Immediately the flicking of pages began, as she hunted for proof I was (as usual) wrong and failing (also as usual).  But I was naughty, I pre-empted her on both the beloved disciple (not named as John) and Luke (who writes to Theolphilos but does not sign off 'love Luke') and she was left high and dry when I found myself, saying 'and any of you can come and argue with me afterwards if you like' - which caused general laughter.

Normally I leave her to her flicking and pointing, so I wonder what prompted me today to be naughty?  I don't mind people flicking around to pick up other passages or if it seems they are engaging in some way with the texts, but I guess I do to some extent resent people thinking their job is to assess my sermon and not listen for God speaking through it.

At least most people enjoyed singing that olde Sunday School song "Tell me the stories of Jesus" which may be old and twee but at least it has pretty a sensible theme and related to what we were thinking about.  Next week's golden oldie is 'It passes knowledge that dear love of thine" - so lots of Green Book brownie points being earned at the moment.

Ebay - a great place to find bizarre things, and here's one I found today when looking for Baptist history books (how sad!)

An award winning DVD which seems to come from a stable of Mormon comedy and is reviewed as follows...

Another classic from the makers of "Singles Ward!" From Robert Farrell Smith's best-selling novel comes a hilarious romantic comedy about a town where everybody's nuts...about religion! Tartan (Dan Merkley) is 29, single and Mormon. Tired of being set up by his marriage-conscious mother, Tartan takes a job as a forest ranger in Longfellow, a sleepy town where half the population is LDS, the other half is Baptist, and nobody can get along! Tartan's not the only recent transplant: the beautiful (and single) Charity (Heather Beers) arrives in Longfellow to spend some time away from her ex-fiance. Together Tartan and Charity devise a plan to unite the town by having and All-Faiths Barbecue! Sweet and charming, funny and touching, Baptists At Our Barbecue reminds us all that life is a barbecue to which God has invited everyone. Whom we sit by or pass the salt to is up to us.

 

Alas only available in Region 1 format, so I will be missing this wonder.

Maybe some out there would suugest it ought to be 'Baptists in/on our Barbecue'?