Way back (as in over 20 years ago) there was a kiddies' worship song that said, 'step by step, on and on, we will walk with Jesus 'til the journey's done...' which stuck in my mind (obviously) and which carries a message I found, and continue to find, helpful.

As yesterday approached, I wasn't sure how it would feel or how it would be, I just knew that if I had too much time to dwell it would unhelpful.

Yesterday's weather in Glasgow probably expressed my feelings well - a range of short, sharp showers and some glorious sunshine.

Spending an evening with friends around my dinner table was a great distraction and very healing.  There were some full on belly laughs at stories people shared; there were deep matters explored with a lighness of touch and of spirit; there was much food consumed; the kitties were absolutely amazing in their chilled out, friendly engagement with so many humans.

The first-first has been negotiated; none will ever be as significant.  The journey forward continues, step by step, on and on... 'Don't worry about tomorrow, Jesus knows the way ahead,' not, I suggest, in a pre-planned, pre-ordained way, but because he has lived as we live, and walked the same walk of love and laughter and loss.

Today I really must create something to deliver on Sunday... it's a tricky passage and whatever I say could easily be misunderstood or misinterpretted so much care and much wisdom is needed. over to you, then HSp.

The "eighth of the eighth"... my Mum's birthday, and exactly three months (to the day rather than the date, which is tomorrow) since she died. Sometimes being a person who is wired to 'do' dates is a bane rather than a blessing!

It has felt strange not choosing a card, not ordering flowers, not booking somewhere to take her for lunch (which I would have done on Monday, as the scored through note on my calendar reminds me).

And it has felt deeply sad not being able to do those things.  The strange tension of not missing getting up at 4 a.m. to catch the train with the empty place that is left behind.  The gladness that she is free from all the frustrations and limitations and the regret that she never did get the party she wanted, because she had no recollection of the one we did for her 80th (at which this photo was taken).  The certainty that we parted well and the ongoing 'I must tell Mum' moments.

I'm not sure how I feel today - or how I am 'meant' to feel (so often I tell other people that however they feel is right, but even so...)

So for now, I share this photo of a happy day, and which, for me at least, has good associations, and I remind myself that she is at rest, held safe in the love of God... as, indeed, am I.

A week ago, as I was making my way to the station, to come home from Edinburgh, I found - or perhaps was found by - this toy cat, who was at a bus stop.  I thought someone had dropped him, so I called after them - no.  I quickly got on the bus at the stop to see if someone had dropped him getting on - no.  I did my best via social media and hashtags and stuff to find his owner - he's brand new, still got his tags, and maybe some child was weeping for him.  No joy.

So, today I named him Leith, because that's where I found him - or he found me.  He's now on top of a bookcase full of hymnbooks.  He is a cute reminder of a fun weekend, and of the special friends with whom I spent it.

Tonight we began a four weeks series of Night Prayer adapted from Common Worship.

A group of twelve women, the singing was beautiful - soprano and alto voices blended in harmony and in unison, a new hymn, an old hymn and a doxology.

Thoughtful extempore prayers.

And a request for longer silences next time.

At the end of a long and busy (and good) day it was good to be still, to reflect...

I hope the other three weeks manage to 'hit the spot'  in a similar way for those who attend, male or female!

With the European Championship road races leading to road closures and disruption, quite a few folk are unable to get to church today or next Sunday, some of whom are kind enough to read this stuff.

So, to be kind (I hope!) I'm posting the 'to ponder' questions early in case anyone wants to look at them in the comfort of their own home...

Questions to Ponder

1. The gospels tell us that Jesus attracted a lot of followers. Two words are used to describe them:
   
   - Disciples, which means ‘learners’ or possibly ‘students’
   - Apostles, which means ‘sent ones’
   
   Both terms are used within Christian churches for ‘the Twelve’, as the gospels also sometimes call them.  Which word do you more naturally use (if either) and why?
   
   
2. Two of the gospels (Matthew and Luke) have lists of the Twelve, with eleven of the same names, and one different.
   
   The fisherman brothers, Simon Peter and Andrew,

The sons of Zebedee, sometimes called the ‘Sons of Thunder’, James and John

Philip, who had brought Nathaniel to Jesus

Matthew the tax-gatherer, who may also be Levi

Thomas – who is often unkindly called the doubter

James son of Alphaeus

Simon the Zealot – a member of the group that wanted to drive out the Romans

Judas the son of James

Judas Iscariot who became a traitor.
Thaddeus (Matthew ) or Bartholomew (Luke)

What, if anything do we know about these men? Do you think that makes any difference in how we think about them or about ourselves?

3. In Luke’s gospel, we’re told that at a later date Jesus chose 70/72 more disciples and sent them out on a mission. No names are given, though through the centuries there has been a lot of speculation.  If you were going to choose people from the gospel stories to be part of the 72, who would that be, and why?

4. What do you think it means to a ‘disciple’ or ‘learner’ of Jesus in our church and our day? Is there anything more or different that is needed? What will you do about that?
   
   
5. Does Jesus still call people to be ‘apostles’ or ‘sent ones’ today? If so, how might that call be heard and tested, and what might it mean for us as a church, or you as an individual?