One of the things that I have long valued is the stories behind hymns and worship songs.  Whether it is Victorian hymns that were born of tragedy (often it seems drownings and/or broken engagements) or contemporary worship songs born of struggle (identity, mental health, sexuality, bereavement) or world msuic that reflects a place or a person, knowing the story allows me to value and appreciate many songs/hymns that I actively dislike, or the theology of which disquiets me.  So, for example, I value 'Strength will rise' (written by someone experiencing severe depression) even though I don't like it; I appreciate 'Blest be the tie that binds' (the BWA anthem) even though I think it's mawkish.

Recently, I've been remembering and returning to songs that are part of my story.  I don't write songs, but I do find that songs (sacred and secular) attach themselves to significant times in my life, it's just the way I'm wired!

So today I decided I'd share one that was hugely significant as a source of hope and encouragement to me fifteen years ago, as I was leaving college and seeking a first pastorate!

Whenever I hear it, I recall the long drive from Manchester to Cambridge, accompanied by the 'Greatest Worship Songs in the World, Ever' (modest title!) on the tape player of my little metro.  It's a song of dedication, of trust, of hope in the waiting... and it encouraged and enabled me to live through a long season of waiting and wondering, disappointment and questioning. I still believe in my heart or hearts I was called to the church that said 'no', and I still believe with equal conviction that the pastorates that have followed were every bit as much God's call on my life.

The last time I asked for this song to be used in a service (many years ago now) I was told it wasn't known in that church, and so I haven't sung it for a very long time.

Gentle reader, you may or may not know it, you may or may not like it, but it's a song that's part of my story, so I offer it to today - and I wonder what are the songs that are part of your story, and when you last had or made the opportunity to listen to or to song them.

I realised recently that the last time I bought any 'vicar shirts' was a decade (or maybe a little more) ago, when I got the pale blue that I quite often wear for weddings.  I decided it was high time I bought a couple of new ones, not least as I do more frequently end up wearing them these days.

The company I used to buy from has long since ceased trading, so it was entertaining researching just what's out there - ranging from clergy dresses I could never imagine wearing, via long and short sleeve blouses in all sorts of colours and fabrics, to bib stocks (things that look like a clerical shirt under a jacket or jumper but are actually bibs with (in my view complex) strings to hold them in place).

These two arrived today - long sleeved because that's substantially cheaper then short sleeved (they take a long sleeved one and charge you to cut off and hem the sleeves) - and in colours chosen just because they are bright and fun.

Cerise (it's NOT pink unlike the one I already own which is Barbie pink) which looks almost episcopal, and teal, which I chose purely and simply because it's one of the colours I love, and is almost liturgical (not quite green but not a million miles away).

They won't get that many outings, but whether they'll do me for another decade is yet to be seen!  I probably need to think about getting a new black one as mine is starting to fade - but then it is quite elderly as such attire goes!

Alright so I *may* have done some of these characters myself (things like zimmer frames and wheelchairs can be quite intimidating to create from fabric/sewing) but we do now have a complete 'base layer' of figures on our banner.

I'm looking forward to seeing what sewing lies ahead of me in the next week... it seems a fair exchange if others design and cut out the characters and then I (and maybe others who enjoy a bit of hand-sewing) stitch them in place.

The clip-art on which the banner is based has another seven figures, so plenty to keep us all occupied over the rest of the summer, and I am genuinely intrigued and excited at the prospect of the completed article.

Between last night's insomnia, and an unplanned, but welcome, reading slot this afternoon, I read Vicky Beeching's memoir (her description) cover to cover in less than a day. 

It is a courageous, gracious, generous, honest, vulnerable, taboo-breaking book.  It is largely autobiography/memoir but with a generous dollop of theology, church history and Bible study along the way.  It straddles to cultures - British (or English) and North American, and this is reflected in the choice of idiom.

I started to write quite a long post about what had struck me - then deleted it all because whatever I wrote felt self-indulgent... Instead, I'd encourage you, whatever your faith, whatever your theology, whatever your sexuality, whatever your whatever, to read this book with an open mind and an open heart.  Parts of it are heartbreaking and shocking; parts of it a heartwarming and encouraging - above all it is a story that needs to be listened to, reflected on and allowed to challenge and change the hearts and minds of those who read it.

Summer is usually the time I manage to do some reading, or at least reading that's not explicitly or directly linked to some form of worship prep.

This summer I have set myself the challenge of reading three books...

Growing Young by Kara Powell, Jake Mulder and Brad Griffin aims to help churches to engage, empower and enable younger people... although from a US context, it comes recommended from UK 'next generation' specialists, so I am hoping it will be helpful... the couple of chapters I've read (but need to re-read) seem very promising.

Find Your Strongest Life  by Marcus Buckingham, is also from US context, and again comes highly recommended by those who have read it and whose opinions I value.  The subtitle, what the happiest and most successful women do differently, sounds like one of those utterly annoying motivational guides (and the cover design complete with man with cheesy smile doesn't help) but again, having skimmed my way through the first part (I need to read it properly) again it has promise, and the personality types quiz it uses proved surprisingly insightful.

Undivided by Vicky Beeching, subtitled coming out, becoming whole and living free from shame, is something of a 'must read' for anyone seeking to learn more about the Vicky's story and the wider topic of LGBTQI people and Christianity.  I need to read this to learn and understand, and quite possibly to repent.

A curious set of titles, but three books that promise much.  Having stated here that I'll read them, I make myself, in some small measure, accountable for so-doing.