Having promised to make myself accountable on the attempts at a more balanced life, how am I doing so far?

Each day this week I have got up, fed the cats, had breakfast and then sat down quietly to do 'Pray As You Go'  before putting on my coat and heading out to enjoy an early morning walk - typically around 3 miles and, most days in that gorgeous deep blue pre-dawn darkness.  Although, because it is dark (and this morning a bit slippery) I have stuck to main roads, I have seen some beautiful sights... the moon looking wonderful, the lights of a hospital reflected in a pond in its grounds (photo above)...all this is good.

I've sat down most evenings and watched some TV - trashy or otherwise - and last night managed to combine kitty cuddles, knitting and watching a nature programme all at the same time.

End of the day reflection still needs some work... I realise that the vestiges of phycially/intellectually struggling with evening devotions during my chemo (which is six years ago now... though the experts tell me late effects can emerge more than a decade on) are creating some sort of psychological  barrier to be overcome.  Getting there with the help of some not-too-trite Bible notes and intending to start journalling again to see if that helps both dump stuff and pray... whilst clearing out I found my prayer 'diary' from 2006 and it was pretty impressive stuff.

It's been a busy and demanding week, but I have pretty much managed to contain activity within reasonable bounds.  Not everything has been done, not everything will be done, and both of those is OK.

A bonus has been vastly improved sleeping patterns - yes, I still wake up at least three times with horrible night-sweats but at least I am falling back to sleep, and then finally waking up five minutes before the alarm feeling reasonably refreshed.

Four days does not a habit make, I'm told it takes about three weeks concerted effort, but so far, so good.

Recently, on a social media platfrom I referred to having spent a day "intentionally" which prompted someone to ask what I meant.  In replying, I noted that in a context of 'sprituality', intentionality is more than just deliberate choice, it infers something about ongoing commitment.  There are "intentional communities" such as Iona or Northumbria, whose members pledge themselves to a rule of life and to a level of accountability.  Religious orders, such as monks and nuns, are intentional communities; the Order for Baptist Ministers does something similar and, if it had a cell in Scotland it's something I'd definitely consider.  To some degree, local churches are, or at least ought to be, intentional communities too - the concept of 'covenant' as agreeing, with God's help, to 'walk together and watch over one another' suggests something very similar to me.

The word 'rule' is one that often has negative connotations for people - rules as laws, imposed from outside, the purpose of which is to impose or control behaviour.  But 'rule' in the sense of an intentional community, or more generally as 'being intentional' is better understood as more like a yard-stick, a measure or, even more helpfully, as a pattern or template... The 'rules' observed by monastic communities are about rhythm rather than control.  Whilst legalism can render the patterns burdensome, their intent is almost always about balance: time to work, time to rest, time to pray...

After the relentless busyness of 2016, I am choosing to be more 'intentional' for 2017.  Not slavishly adhering to a set of practices but  rather seeking to establish, or re-establish, patterns that will nourish and sustain me.  And as part of that is a chosen committment to accountability - allowing other people to challenge me when (I think 'if' is too optimistic!) I slide back in to being ridiculously busy.  Working from home has both advantages and disadvantages, and I am very conscious how easy it would be to slip back into unhealthy working patterns.

So, here are my commitments for 2017:

• To ensure that every working day when I am alone begins with prayer such as 'Pray As You Go' and ends with some time for reflection, meditation and prayer.
• To ensure that, when I am working from home, my day includes a minimum of a one hour brisk walk (for health and well-being benefits, and also simply for a change of scenery)
• That each working day includes at minimum of one hour of 'chill time' such as watching TV, knitting, reading novels, doing jigsaws and playing with the kitties.
• That I will consciously seek out opportunities for 'quiet days' or 'study days' that will nourish my mind and soul.
• That I will not beat myself up when I fall short of these intentions, but, instead will choose to begin again.
• That I will allow those who read my waffle and those who know me in life to hold me to account on these commitments.

I wonder if there are any 'intentions' that you might find helpful to note down, not as 'new year resolutions' but because you recognise their potential in helping you live a more healthy, hopeful and potentially happy, life.

PS I'm also going to try to be a better house-keeper, but don't hold youe breath on that one!!

This morning we started a short series of services looking at the topic of 'prayer', with the title "how do I pray?".  As I had pondered this during the week, I found myself starting to recall stuff around connections between personality 'type' and spirituality/prayer preferences.  So I dug around a little on the interweb, and came across some excellent material on the 24/7 Prayer International website including this quick and simple quiz to help you to discover approaches to prayer (and a gospel!) that might suit you better than others.  It seeemd to be quite well received, so I hope it was helpful.

I also found some fun prayers for Myers Briggs personality types - several variants can be found easily online, and here's a link to one of them.

In between watching the Lord's Prayer being signed in BSL and making up our own signs/actions and verses for 'thank you Lord for this new day' (the best verse was 'thank you for the NHS' complete with whirling arms (blue lights) and siren sounds!) we experienced some different ways of doing prayer, which I hope was helpful.

Yesterday I travelled to Manchester for a 'quiet day' for Epiphany entitled "Follow Your Star" and which centred on creative writing.  This was quite a big deal for me - I was the "straight As" student who always C for creative writing because, as still happens today, when the words travel out of my brain into my arm they get lost.  I could write A+ discursive essays, and was grateful that at least one such always appeared in English exams, but ask me to write creatively...

Anyway, yesterday a group of eight women (as it happened) gathered together to ponder aspects of star following, receive some input on the creative writing process and then have a go.  At the end of the day, we shared our work - a truly humbling and affirming experience for everyone, and a great diversity of work from poetry and hymnody to story-telling and meditation; humour that made us laugh out loud, simplicity that expressed profound ideas and moments of awe and wonder.

This is my attempt, which drew on various ideas expressed during the day...

The stars just "are"

Silent sentinels since time began,

Seeing all things, saying nothing.

Was it under the gaze of Orion

That Jacob stood at Jabbok's shore

Fearful of what lay ahead,

Wrestled all night with an angel,

Then, limping, crossed the river?

Did the watchful eye of Virgo

Trace the journey from Nazareth to Bethlehem,

To the place where a young woman

Laboured through the night

To bring forth her son?

What familiar constellations spangled the sky

As eastern astrologers rode onwards through the night

Seeking - quite what, they did not know;

Encountered the divine in the face of a child

Then left by another route?

The stars just "are"

Silent sentinels since time began,

Seeing all things, saying nothing.

Guardians of my own wakeful, restless nights

Wrestling with God

Labouring to bring ideas to birth

Seeking, quite what I cannot know,

And experiencing -

Just occasionally -

Epiphany.

Over the last few days, this image, and others like it, has popped up all over social media.  There have been lots of posts from people who have done it in 2016, saying how much they've enjoyed reading their memories.

I've decided to give it a go for 2017 - there were lots of good and wonderful moments in 2016, but I have had to dig deep to recall them from among the 'heavy' memories, so I hope that a jam jar filled up with memories and 'blessings' will be helpful.