So, for those following the chemo-hill I am half way in terms of doses received.  That's good.  Bit of a geeky post, so ignore at will.

People often ask what it's like, when the dips come, how long they last and so on.  Truth is, that whilst there are general trends, each person is different so their reaction is theirs and theirs alone.  So, as I offer my answers, don't expect they'll match anyone else's.

What I have found to be the case so far is that immediately after being drugged I am fine, perfectly capable of walking home and, if it is around a meal time, eating something normal, which is a last pleasure before the first effects begin.  I have found so far that after 3-5 hours my energy levels start to ebb away and any high energy TV becomes too demanding to watch.  This floppy phase lasts about five days after which my energy levels return almost as quickly as they ebbed.  I have described it as being a bit like a 'dimmer switch' that some invisible person turns down and then up again.  A bit weird really.

Even the floppy phase is not totally floppy.  I find I feel much better if I can get out and do something 'normal' for a few hours; this is why I am so glad I am able to preach on Sundays immediately after treatment: it is something to look forward to and the doing thereof serves to energise me, if only for a couple of hours.  There is a balance to strike - I sit down for most of the hymns and rather than a big sermon I opt for bite-sized reflections.  After church I go home and lie on the settee for the rest of the day but do so knowing that it has been good to be out with God's people worshipping and sharing.

The medical dip follows the energy dip a bit later, being around days 10-14.  This means that although I feel great by then and suspect I could almost rule the world if I so wished, I have to be extra vigilant.  I am aware I tend to scowl at people who cough or sneeze without covering their noses/mouths and cross the road to avoid sniffing toddlers!  As the weather has turned wetter and milder, and my neutrophil count gets ever lower, I will need to be even more careful.

To the Levitical restrictions have to added to the personalised variations, which can make life rather interesting (or dull depending how you look at it).  I find five days of "soup and smoothies" wears very thin (even if I make broth) and it is good to get back to real food afterwards.  Having said that, it's a great excuse to eat tinned rice pudding and tinned custard in the first few days.  I recently bought a new jar of marmite as one of the few things to put on bread that is (a) permitted and (b) tolerated by my compromised system; I've never bought a 500g jar before!  Personalised, experience based, bans on tuna, cheese, mayonnaise mean sandwiches are limited to ham or marmite...  I could define a whole new 'kosher' regime involving making porrige whilst facing the correct direction or a 'hallal' one by praying over the marmite jar.

Some side effects are less pleasant than others, but thanks to the wonder of excellent drugs I am very fortunate to be able live a near normal life.  I have had no sickness or nausea, and thanks to magic drugs the acid reflux that plagued my first dose has been overcome.  The second dose left me with a sore arm, well vein, which has now almost recovered, which is great as not everyone who has vein pain is so fortunate.  It seems the third dose may well be having a similar effect on my other arm, rats!  Being almost hairless (the stubble in its telegen phase is proving quite tenacious) is something I've pretty well got used to - though my reflexes sometimes still think there is 24" of hair to flick out of my clothes.

One of my concerns about starting the chemo was that the hospital would be full of very-brave very-sick people and that I would feel very-inadequate.  So far, most people are just people getting on with what they have to get on with.  The very-brave very-sick ones are, I guess, in the wards, wired to machines, where I don't see them.  I notice a few very frightened people, and a few rather angry people, but mostly they are just people - and mostly they are quite lot older than me.

So.  Half way.  Capable of boring for Britain.  Mostly positive.  Enjoying life a lot.  Loving church.  Grateful for all the support, love and prayers.  Confident of God's accompaniment in it all.  And stepping onwards and upwards on this zig-zag hill called Mount Chemo.

This week has felt a bit of a trudge.  Maybe it's something about the halfway point on this stage of the 'long distance walk'.  Maybe it's the effect of events that I am choosing not to post (if you can't say something good, say nothing).  Maybe it's just an inevitable part of adjustment to what is happening.  Maybe it's the fact that it has rained a lot and the days have been grey.  Maybe it's a bit of all of them.  Anyway, a fair few posts have been drafted and deleted along the way trying to work it out.  I said way back when this began, that I needed to be able to be honest, not twee or pious, but I also have responsibilities to guilty and innocent alike, so some things remain unsaid.

It's been a trudge, but it's had it's lighter moments, like wayside flowers surprising the walker with tiny glimpses of unabashed beauty.  I love daisies (I used to hate mowing them in my lawn) and have inherited my Dad's fondness for dandelions; I marvel at tiny blue forget-me-nots, enjoy the brightness of buttercups and celandines whilst pig/cow parsley is a reminder of childhood.  A card that arrived on a particularly trudgey day; an email with an emoticon hug that was a cross between Mr Happy and Mr Tickle; an incredibly creative planning meeting for an Advent service; coffee with some from the Union... and other little things, each lightening the dullness of a trudge through rain.

Not been a great week emotionally, but God's grace is seen in the little things... a smile, a word, a photo.

Someone at church put up a poem about the wonder of flowers (as distinct from blossom) which have now obvious functional reason to exist, yet God created them (or allowed them to evolve or whatever).  This week, when the lovely real flowers have been consigned to my kitchen because they make my eyes itch and nose run, I've been very grateful for the metaphorical ones.  Thank God for wayside flowers.

Begins today in Dumferline.  Lots of Scots gathering to worship, learn think and share.  Some good speakers and some interesting sessions, one of which involves one of my folk in a discussion/debate session on civil liberties, "go B".  I am sorry I won't get to hear Stuart Blythe, Parush Parashev or David Kerrigan nor to catch up with many of the folk who are kind enough to call by here from time to time.  I will be thinking of them all and praying that through the familiar and the loud they will be able to discern the still, small voice that speaks of new and surprising things.

Have a great time one and all.

Not long now until Advent, and for those of us who thrive on advance planning (my Worship Planning Team and me) everything is already in hand unitl the end of 2010; in fact because we are forced to book a few months of stand-ins, we are well on the way as far as April 2011...!

This morning I am meeting with someone to plan out evening worship for Advent Sunday.  I know stir up Sunday is the one before Advent Sunday, and I know it's all a bit of nonsense really, but I am hoping that Christmas puddings will find their way in to what we do that day.

I always enjoy Advent with its sense of anticipation and the challenge of restoring the magic and mystery for adults jaded by umpteen decades of the same old same old.  Being forced to step back a bit this year, to trim it back to basics, isn't easy but it does make me ask myself what really matters.  What is it that stirs us up again to live out our faith in a world of brokenness? The BCP collect prayer for stir up Sunday says

Stir up, we beseech thee, O Lord, the wills of thy faithful people; that they, plenteously bringing forth the fruit of good works, may of thee be plenteously rewarded; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

I hope that as we meet this morning to plan our act of worship we will find the stirrings of God's Spirit, enabling us to help others prepare themselves for the journey of Advent.

This Sunday we are looking at the Bible and how we read it - a selection of short reflections on reading in and out of context, and as I've posted before 'loadsa Bible.'

Without giving away too much, neither confetti nor doilies are very useful, though each is attractive in its own way.

So, here's a bit of homework for anyone so inclined, Gatherer or not.

If you are a regular user of the Bible, what schemes or methods do you use?  What gets kept and what gets omitted?  For example, if you are a lectionary preacher - a good practice - have you ever sat down to determine which passages are omitted and wondered why?  Or if you us SU material, have you ever wondered how they choose what is 'in' and 'out' of their syllabus?  Or if you do the 'Bible in a year' have you wondered why those passages in that order?  Any or all of these is/are good models, but they all make choices on what is used or not.

Maybe you could have a look at some obscure bit of Leviticus or one of the 'minor' prophets or even one the neat little lectionary excisions and ponder why it was included in the Bible and why we now ignore it.  I recall one of our college tutors doing an experimental service using a variety of texts linked to the expulsion of bodily fluids (I've bowdlerised that for the more delicate reader!) which certainly gave us all pause for thought.

What would you excise and why?  What would you keep and why?