This week sees the start of the "nuking" or "zapping" or any other euphemism for radiotherapy.  It is a slightly odd place to be, waiting on my metaphorical riverbank to begin picking my way across the stepping stones to (hopefully) freedom.

It is slightly odd because, apart from a bit of discomfort in my arm/shoulder/back I feel totally well and healthy, ready for anything, champing at the bit to be back at work.  It is lovely listening to other preachers, but I want to be back doing it!  My church has been well cared for over these weeks of my "general uselessness" as I termed it pre-surgery, and I am very grateful to those who have filled the pulpit - but I so want "my" role back now please!

This morning I sang with the choir - the first time singing alto (being a mezzo I can, theoretically sing either that or soprano) and it was great fun.  This completed my exploration of different seating positions, gaining alternative views of church.  I will probably sing with the choir again before Easter (next week I have house guests so it would wrong to), which will be good.

As I wait to cross the river, as I've had a couple of weeks of enjoyment doing things that are fun rather than necessary, I am very conscious of being upheld these past months by the prayers, love and good wishes of many, many people.  This last little bit doesn't hold fear for me, though it may prove both tiring and irksome before it is done.  It is just a case of one step at a time to reach the far bank of the river.

A few years back I came across an Iona song that speaks into tough situations, and which I found myself recalling as I pondered the stepping stones that take me over my river.  The truth is I step into a brighter tomorrow, other people are entering, or remain within, their own times of trial, fear, doubt, anxiety or other 'darkness'.  This is for them:

1  Unsure, when what was bright turns dark
    and life, it seems, has lost its way,
    we question what we once believed
    and fear that doubt has come to stay.
    We sense the worm that gnaws within
    has withered willpower, weakened bones,
    and wonder whether all that's left
    is stumbling blocks or stepping stones.

2  Where minds and bodies reel with pain
    which nervous smiles can never mask,
    and hope is forced to face despair
    and all the things it dare not ask;
    aware of weakness, guilt or shame,
    the will gives out, the spirit groans,
    and clutching at each straw we find
    more stumbling blocks than stepping stones.

3  Where family life has lost its bliss
    and silences endorse mistrust,
    or anger boils and tempers flare
    as love comes under threat from lust;
    where people cannot take the strain
    of worklessness and endless loans,
    what pattern will the future weave -
    just stumbling blocks, no stepping stones?

4  Where hearts that once held love are bare
    and faith, in shreds, compounds the mess;
    where hymns and prayers no longer speak
    and former friends no longer bless;
    and when the church where some belonged
    no more their loyalty enthrones,
    the plea is made, 'If you are there,
    turn stumbling blocks to stepping stones!'

5  Ah, God, you, with the Maker's eye,
    can tell if all that's feared is real,
    and see if life is more than what
    we suffer, dread, despise and feel.
    If some by faith no longer stand,
    nor hear the truth your voice intones,
    stretch out your hand to help your folk
    from stumbling block to stepping stones.

John L Bell and Graham Maule © 1989 WGRG, Iona Community

May God grant you safe passage across your own river.

The Fourth Sunday of Lent is a 'Refreshment Sunday' or a 'Rose Sunday' like Advent 3, a day when, in days of yore, "before Henry when we were all Catholics" as they say down south, people were allowed to break their fast for one day.  It is a 'rejoice' Sunday (my Latin being non-existent I don't know why this one is Laetere and the other one Gaudete if both really mean the same thing).  Best known nowadays as Mothers' Day, it is a day that for many people is bittersweet.

Yesterday in Northern Ireland a young Roman Catholic police officer was killed by a bomb.  Not exactly a Laetere day for his family.  And Matt Baggott, formerly Chief Constable in Leicestershire, and friend of Dibley BC, not exactly laetere for him either.  I find myself reminded of past tragedies close to this time of year - Warrington, Dunblane, Omagh... people I know and people I've never met for whom this day has a tinge of sadness even many years on.  A friend's daughter who has just become a Mum for the second time was in the same year as one of the boys killed in the Warrington bombing in 1993... rejoicing in one family and a piercing sword for another.

So, it's a funny old day, and a tough one for preachers to get right.  Today we have as our guest preacher a woman student and this is her assessed service for the Board of Ministry (roughly Min Rec) as she seeks to have her call to ordained ministry recognised.  I don't know what theme she will have taken but I do pray for her as she takes this step forward in hope and faith.  If it's hard for women down south it's nigh on impossible up here.  I hope that the outcome of today will give her, and us, cause for laetere-ing.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.

Mothering God, hold in the safe embrace of your love

Those who mourn

Those who ache with longing

Those whose hearts are pierced as by a sword

Mothering God, like a small child learning to walk, take by the hand

Those who attempt new things

Those who are uncertain or unsure

Those who wobble and weave

Mothering God, like a dancing partner, spin with delight

Those who rejoice in success

Those whose dreams have found fulfilment

Those who dream the dreams of your Kingdom

Mothering God, grant they all may find themselves

Comfortably resting

Like a weaned child

On the parent's knee.

Amen.

Among the blogs listed in my sidebar is ASBO Jesus a cartoon blog that both entertains and prompts thought.  Cartoon number 1000 is imminent - it has to be said there have already been over a thousand posts as the odd one here and there has been words.  The most recent post sums up a lot of what the site is about - honesty, openness, laughter, vulnerability, catharthis, sharing.  Jon is sometimes provocative in what he posts, and is always ready to engage in generous-spirited debate with those who comment.

I am looking forward to the book being published and feel it is a must for any minister to own - perhaps especially if she/he tends a little too much to the serious.

A couple of spoof blog posts really well done are here and here.  Enjoy.

And this one made me smile too.

It's past midday so I'm not allowed to play any April Fool jokes.  Instead here are two things that you possibly wouldn't have believed had they been posted before that time...

Firstly, the News of the World worthy one - "Baptist Minister in Topless Photo Shoot" - or, alternatively, my plastic surgeon wanted some 'medical photographs' (not sure how they differ from any other sort) before radiotherapy so that she can observe how irradiation affects the work she's done.  Should said photos ever appear beyond the vaults of NHS GGC I know precisely which heads will roll!  In an odd way, it's good to be part of someone's research that may one day help other people.

Secondly, twice this week I've had to evacuate a public building due to a fire alarm going off.  Wednesday evening at my exercise class, and this morning the coffee shop in a well known bookshop.  Neither time was there any evidence of a fire, so the local fire service will charging a fair old whack for their troubles (evidently £250 per appliance per call out).  Better safe than sorry anyway.

I could, I suppose have invented a third odd event and asked you which was the false one, but my brain is too straight forward.

Anyway, happy April, and I hope that wherever you are today is a good one.