Five years ago, thanks to "Auntie Edith" I discovered that I enjoy jigsaws.  Huge thanks to B&K for this one which I began this morning, with a little feline "assistance".

And thanks to Rev LHW for a little light theology :-) "Rev" is one of my favourite TV series of all times and speaks so much truth about "manse life" and the challenges of being a minister-type person.

May have to stabilise my tummy before watching, but looking forward to it greatly!

Yesterday I found myself suddenly aware just how much of my time and energy (physcial, intellectual, emotional and spiritual) is normally expended on the preparation of services and the facilitation (I hope) of corporate worship.  It is slightly weird not doing this - even though at the moment despite oodles of time, I have insufficient energy of any kind to contemplate anything more demanding than a PAYG "Examen" (thanks be to God for podcasts, MP3 downloads and contemporary Ignatian spirituality I say!) or some '"Godly colouring" (thanks be to my friend Julie who sent this):

It was as I sat and coloured, that my mind wandered off to all sorts of directions about preaching: myself as a preacher; the purpose of preaching; the task of the preachee (what do you call the person who listens?); what makes a sermon 'good' or bad' or are these categories valid anyway; does style matter and what is helpful in a post modern, digital age.... and so on and so forth. 

I have a long list in a notebook that I hope to ponder over the next few days and weeks, and perhaps this is a good place to do that pondering.

In the meantime, I am relishing the opportunity to listen online to the two preachers who are doing my "cover" at the Gathering Place.  Very different from me, but carefully, prayerfully prepared and lovingly delivered explorations of Scripture to which I listen, open to the possibility that God has some teeny tiny nugget to offer me.  Perhaps an idea I've never heard or have long forgotten.  Perhaps something that disturbs my complacent ease.  Perhaps a word or rebuke or a word of encouragement.  Perhaps... well, who knows, that's the mystery and majesty of preaching, God's Holy Spirit is active whether or not we recognise the fact; sometimes the hardest task of peacher or preachee is "to let go, and let God" as the charismatics put it.

I hope you'll join me in this ramble around the wilderness, pondering stuff around preaching... and if you are able to engage/respond by comments (or emails if you know me in life)  that'd be fab.

I need a rest now - but later today will hopefully post my first 'brain dump' :-)

It transpires that some folk on hearing I am due to have surgery assumed that this was to 'fix' the arm in which I have lymphoedema.  I hope those folk, on learning the truth are not too horrified!!  It just goes to show that when you try to keep something pretty personal private it can have unexpected consequences!

Lymphoedema is a chronic, incurable condition, but it can be controlled, in my case very effectively, by the use of compression garments, exercise and skin care.

There are two kinds of lymphoedema - primary, which is present from birth, and secondary, which is triggered by 'trauma' usually (and in my case) the removal of lymph nodes are part of cancer treatment.

Basically, this condition results in lymph fluid flowing down into arms (or legs, trunk or breast) but being unable to get out again because pumping action needed to do so is impaired.  Special exercises and massage, and (very expensive) special compression garments can reduce the resultant swelling but can never actually effect cure.

Lymph fluid seems to agglomerate in fat, and so people with lymphoedema are strongly encouraged to maintain a healthy weight... less fat, less places for it to gather.  Some people who have especially bad lymphodema are involved in some clinical trials involving lyposuction of the affected areas to see if this has any long term benefit.   My lymphodema is defined as 'mild', mostly affects my right hand and wrist area, and was triggered by 'injury' (shifting a ludicrously heavy suitcase that some other passenger had put where it blocked the exit door of a train).  To me, it is just a nuisance, and the compression sleeves a necessary "evil" (though evil is too strong a word).

So, my arm can't be fixed but the lymphoedema can be kept under control - just so long as I do as I'm told, every day, for life.

Hope that clears up some confusion!

It's always interesting what fessing up to things can lead to!  Whilst I still wrestle with the selfishness of  asking people to pray that my BP behaves tomorrow - and despite so many of them telling me it isn't selfish at all - it has been really lovely to have promises of prayers and vibes (from those who don't 'do' God or prayers).  Also lots of suggestions for things I have tried before, but maybe tried too hard and so they didn't 'work' because they depend on non-striving?

So I have been using breathing exercises and a sort of mindfulness/relaxation (they aren't quite the same thing but still, close enough for these purposes) and having been using a 'mantra' along the lines of 'breathe in calm, breathe out stress'.  I've even paid the princely sum of 79p to download a ten minute 'hypnotherapy' thing.

I mentioned to some women minister friends that I was doing this, half in jest saying I was getting very 'dodgy'!!!  In response we spoke about celtic circling prayers, of breathing as prayer in its own right (a kind of mindfulness awareness of God's presence in each moment).  Another friend has offered to have a go at recording a personalised calming meditation for me.  How lovely is that?

Does it work?  Work is the wrong word, I suspect.  Having kept at it over the last 24 hours, I can now, finally, take myself to a calm, happy place, breathe deeply, listen to the sea and relax.  I can visualise an 'OK' or even good BP reading.  I am reminded that in all things God works with those who love him for good...

So, I can visualise my special minister friends intoning a circling prayer with me.  I can imagine my don't-do-God friends either nestled in my pocket or surrounding me with gentle huggles.  I can take myslef deeper into the presence of God's eternal now.  And of course, I take the pills, drink plenty of water and generally slow myself down.

So far today, my BP seems to be behaving itself.

Circle me Lord - keep peace within, keep tension out

Circle me Lord - keep hope within, keep fear without

Circle me Lord - keep faith within, keep anxiety out

Jesus Christ, son of the living God, have mercy on me, a sinner

Breathe in calm

Breathe out tension

Breathe in stillness

Breathe out stress

Circled by God

Forgiven through Christ

Inspired with the Spirit

All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well

Amen.