If you want a thought provoking, yet humurous list of attributes for a minister then try these from Kim Fabricius (or Ben Myers)

1. Ministers should be able to lead and to organise, but they are not called to be managers – and woe unto the minister who would run the one, holy, catholic, apostolic – and “efficient” McChurch!

2. Ministers should be able to conduct worship winsomely and to preach intelligently – but woe unto the minister who would be an entertainer or cheerleader – or turn prayer into a “resource.”

3. Ministers should be able to listen, empathise, care, advise, and give spiritual direction, but they are not called to be therapists, let alone life-style coaches – and woe unto the minister who would turn out well-balanced citizens who make the system “work”!

4. Ministers are not called to be casual visitors, but they should certainly be sharing in the lives of their people, and meeting them where they are most truly themselves, in the quotidian as well as the crisis – often at home and, for chaplaincies, at work – laughing with those who laugh and weeping with those who weep.

5. Ministers are not called to be scholars, but they need to rediscover their roles as community theologians (as teachers, not just “facilitators”). Breaking “the strange silence of the Bible in the church” (James Smart), they must ensure that the scriptures are at the centre of congregational life, and that their churches are cultures of learning. They must also ensure that the hermeneutical and ethical tasks are one, shaping character as well as transforming minds.

6. Ministers are not called to be scientists or sociologists, but they should be keen observers of, and articulate commentators on, what is happening in the world, to enable their congregations to engage their faith with their life and work, vigilantly discern the signs of the times, and boldly witness to Christ in the polis.

7. Ministers are not chairmen of the board, and their ministries should be exercised collaboratively. And ministers should not be doing what others can do; otherwise they disempower them and rob them of their own ministries. Making themselves as redundant and unnecessary as possible, ministers should help people to discover and deploy their own particular grace-gifts, equipping the saints for building up the body of Christ.

8. Ministers are shepherds – though many a member would prefer a pet lamb. As they call their flock to new pastures, and to experimental patterns and models of ministry, they are inevitably going to piss off some of the fat sheep. So ministers must expect to be butted. Another zoological metaphor: ministers should be horseflies, not butterflies – better to be swatted than mounted.

9. Ministers represent the local church to the wider church, and the wider church to the local church – and the church is very wide. You know the story of the Welsh parch who was finally rescued after years stranded on a desert island, where he had built a little village: when the sailors asked why he had constructed two churches, he replied, “That is the one I don’t attend.” Ministers should nurture ecumenical collegiality. And if it is said that an ecumenical freeze has set in, Emily Dickinson wrote: “Winter under cultivation / Is as arable as spring.”

10. Finally, ministers, remember this: your congregations are unlikely to resemble the early church in Acts, so whenever you get stressed out, read Paul’s Corinthian correspondence – and thank God for the awkward buggers he has given you to love!

 

Like all the best things I read, I makes me say 'yes, but...' I agree but in a tiny church of older folk you seem to end up as the omnicomptent horsefly or nothing happens.

Another little gem that did the rounds a few years backis this one, which I amended to allow for girly revs: -

The Perfect Minister preaches for exactly 15 minutes - he condemns sin but never upsets anyone. 

 

 She works from 8.00 a.m. until midnight and is also a good caretaker. 

 

He receives slightly more than the minimum wage established by the government, pays his taxes, wears good clothes, never looks shabby,
keeps his library up to date, entertains regularly, drives a new car and gives £x,ooo a year to the poor and to the congregation. 

 

She is 28 – 30 years old and has approximately 25 - 30 years experience in the ministry.

 

He has a burning desire to work with teenagers and spends all of his time with senior citizens.

The Perfect Minister smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humour that keeps him seriously dedicated at all times to the work. 

 

She makes daily calls on church families, shut-ins, and those in hospital - he spends all of his time evangelising the un-churched and is always in the office when needed.

 

With lists of core competencies as long as your arm, and everyone having a view on what the minister should be/do I think the two key things needed are (1) a sense of call of the 'I can do no other' strength and (2) a sense of humour.  Not for nothing did Isaiah say of the Lord's servant, 'he will not be discouraged' - it isn't saying 's/he doesn't get discouraged' rather 's/he is just a sufficiently stubborn and determined horsefly not to give up but instead to keep on keeping on no matter what.'

I love Kim Fabricious' propositions and say 'yes, amen' but I see them as a vision that is both 'now and not yet'

(I will stop posting before Assembly, honest!)

Today the 'new look' BUGB website hit the wires or wirelesses or whatever it is these days.

It is pretty easy to navigate and it is good to find the tabs relate to things I actually want to find.

I think what impresses me most is how they have managed to avoid using male-only language for God without it getting clumsy or contrived.  They have also had a reasonable attempt at what we mean by prayer and worship.  The new 'what makes a Baptist' which replaces 'who'd be a Baptist' is a lot more gentle in its style and the images have a slightly quirky sense of fun about them (though you may hate them) which is hopefully going to make it more appealing (very tempted to print off a set for my folk!  Though it seems you cannot download the Lordship of Christ..!).

If you haven't visited it before then now is your big chance [;-)] - just click here and try not to get too dizzy as the photos scroll by on the home page.

I like Brainiac, it is irreverent but generally good clean fun.  I also like the Tickle's Teaser slot - things that make you go hmmm.

So here's one for you...

A friend who is a minister in another denomination has resigned their post because they no longer believe in God.  My instinct is to offer to pray for them as they adjust to their new situation - but what should I pray and, more pertinently, what should I say to them, as prayer is no longer in their vocabulary... hmmm.

I have now read Brian McLaren's 'New Kind of Christian' trilogy.  I have enjoyed what I have read, and found his take on some of the arguments very refreshing - I even find a kind of process theology that I can almost buy into.  More importantly, perhaps have been echoes throughout of things I've always felt/known/wondered.

In the last book we meet a character who arrives sporting a teeshirt that has the slogan 'I'm not that kind of Baptist.'  That made me laugh, in a kind of 'I know what you mean' way - and then pause, because actually the joke was based on the kind of judgement the plot line seems to eschew.  But I guess we can all say, "whatever kind of Baptist I am, it isn't 'that' kind," whatever 'that kind' is.

The Neo character who tries to get the Dan character to problematise almost every word he uses reminds me (in that respect) of someone else; that too, made me smile and maybe Casey reminds me a someone too, though without the beaded hair.  Other characters, well I guess we've met most of them somewhere along the way, and the last book especially picks upon some of the tensions that ministers face as they try to support people with differing perspectives and to allow their own thinking to be challenged, stretched and refined.

If I have a criticism of the final book, it is the invention of a few artificial reference works (that you only discover are such by careful reading) cited alongside some real ones.  This feels a little ingenuous, despite the generous hearing given to the likes of John Stott and N T Wright on the doctrine of hell.

I'd really love some of my folk to read these books - but they'd probably be scared silly by them and assert that they definitely are 'not that kind of Baptist'! 

It will now be quieter for a few days as I complete a few thousand tasks covering for other church folk and then vanish to Brighton to meet a couple of thousand other Baptists - but not that kind!!!

I will never understand churches, especially mine, if I live to be a hundred.  Actually, based on some of my forebears that's a bit too likely, make that 110.  Anyway.

This afternoon we had our re-written service based on the BMS FACE stuff.  The first half worked really well - people accepted their coloured slips of paper as they arrived and then chose where to sit.  Then, depending on the colour they were given either a banana, a bag containing a cup of rice or pulses or a choice luxury cup cakes; those with banana were then told to give their fruit to those with cakes.  (The bananas were fairtrade, in case anyone is checking).  We talked about feelings, about injustice and how BMS, Christian Aid, TLM (and others too numerous to mention) seek to address such issues as part of their mission.  I then "randomly" handcuffed someone and dragged them to the front to be interrogated with no charge, and shared how BMS sends lawyers to some Arcian nations where such things really do happen.  We ended this section with the 'if the world was a village of 100 people' thing and were reminded that the UK acocunts for ~1% of the world's population yet is one of the wealthiest nations.

Then we moved, via a couple of songs and Bible readings, to the dreaded sermon.  As suggested by Craig in a comment on an earlier post, I shared some of the thinking about how I'd got to where I was before asserting that I did not think that we as a congregation were free, rather we were enslaved by fear of rejection, by negativity (I'd already had someone shift blame to me because one person didn't have a slip of coloured paper!), by insecurity, low self-esteem, apathy, lethargy, etc, etc.  If Jesus said (as John's gospel records), "the truth shall set you free" then we needed to face up to these chains, be honest about them and set about breaking them - which demands vulnerbality, openness and honesty by each and all of us.

People were asked to spend a few moments thinking about and sharing with God the things that they felt bound them, that they could not share with people at church.  Then they were asked to dream of a church in which they could share these things without fear of reproach or ridicule but instead in an atmosphere of support, love and respect.  Lastly, people were invited to think of one person in the congregation with whom they felt they would be willing to share one thing that was going on for them.

As the service ended I went to the adjacent classroom to be there for anyone who needed someone to pray with - and after 10 minutes as no one had appeared, I returned to the hall.

In the following few minutes something rare happened - lots of people came and thanked me for the sermon.  One person shared that she still felt that there was no one she could share with, but maybe she needed to think about why.  Another person said she'd had a good whinge (she doesn't whinge, she has mega issues) and felt much better for it.  A couple of people said it was a brave sermon.  I even had one man who is the antithesis of touchy-feeling saying it had been helpful, and when I passed on some information on a pastoral situation tohim (at the person's request) he opened up with something similar in his own life...

I'm not daft or naive enough to think that that's it, problem solved, nor to deny the reality of one person who said 'am I odd not to have any big issues, to feel I do have people I can talk to...'  But I do think that in some small way a bit of 'truth telling' generated a bit of freedom.

Oh yes - on the altered song words - one person said she'd never been able to sing the original words because they were blatantly untrue, so I not only got away with it, I was thanked for it!!

Maybe one day I'll understand how the sermons that make us most nervous are the ones we need most to preach, but for now I just marvel at the little miracle that happened today, so that as I walked back into the hall I saw some unusually deep conversations between unusual pairings going on.  The truth shall set you free...