I have always been, and continue to be, a 'head' person rather than a 'heart' person. I like life orderly and planned - even if it doesn't always work out that way. Despite that, since being confronted with my own mortality a couple of years back (OK more than 2.5 now) I have allowed myself to be more spontaneous, to do things on a whim, just because they are fun or I want to do them. I've always been partial to eating ice-cream cones on winter's days or supping hot chocolate with all the trimmings mid-summer, and I guess it is that side of myself I have allowed more freedom.
So last night spontaneity won over sense - it was a 'school night', sense said I should be tucked up in bed and asleep not standing in the cold cheering a pop star I'm not even that bothered about (sorry Mr B). But spontaneity said this was a one-off, that it would gladden my heart, that 'what the heck, I can get an extra early night tomorrow'. Of course that means sense has to take control today and make sure I do do that!
Two and a half years down the track I am settled back into pretty much the routine I had before all this began. That's good, it means I am well, healthy and happy. But it's also potentially bad, it means I am in danger of forgetting what I've learned, of allowing sense (except where it conflicts with workaholism) to rule everything. It ought not to take such brutal experiences to make people learn to 'seize the day' in ways that energising, but often it does.
Compared with my life "BC" (before cancer) I am far more likely to go with my desires rather than always choosing the sensible option. Red duffle coats, cake for breakfast (sometimes), late nights to cheer a pink Rolls Royce... these are among the good gifts, the silver linings, my experience has wrought.
I still have my workaholic, perfectionist, practical and even pragmatic tendencies, but I think that moments like last night are a valuable counterpoint to that.
