Sometimes it feels as if I open my mouth only to change feet... today is one such day.

No details. 

Just letting you know I'm human and very fallible.  It's called part of being honest.

Groan if you must, but this is the day to focus on the people whose breast cancer has spread beyond their breast/axillary lymph nodes and has invaded other parts of their bodies.  Whilst it is no respecter of age, it does sometimes seem as if a disproportionate number of younger women with more aggressive cancers are often diagnosed very quickly with secondaries, often only weeks after a primary diagnosis and, sometimes, without one.  Secondary breast cancer can occur pretty well anywhere, but the most common metastases seem to be in the bones, lungs, liver and brain.  Some people also get them in their uterus, ovaries or skin.  Once cancer metastasises it cannot be 'cured.'  It can be controlled, sometimes very successfully, sometimes for many years, but in the end it will claim the life of the person who has it.

Suffice to say, symptoms of secondary cancer are vague and general, and people like me who are NED are prone to paranoia about every ache and pain, every persistent cough, every fluctuation in weight.  There is a broad rule of thumb that says 'if it lasts more than two weeks' and/or 'if it's a kind of pain/cough/ache that feels different for you' then shout.

Anyway, two things...

Firstly if you are someone who has had cancer (of any sort) and you notice any of these persistent symptoms, then shout.  If you're someone who hasn't had cancer and have symptoms that persist then get them checked out too - they're most probably not cancer and can be fixed/addressed relatively simply.  I know, nag, nag, nag.

Secondly, I have already lost friends and contacts to secondary breast (and other) cancer, and so have many of you.  If you can, spare a thought for those people who live daily with the knowledge that they cannot be cured and that one day - they know not when - they will hear the words "I'm sorry...."

Today I'm remembering Cat (RIP), and thinking of Annie and J each of whom inspires me with her courage and tenacity.

Very recently BUGB published this little book, and my copy arrived last week.  I have only just got around to opening it and have yet to read it properly.  However, I flicked through and found a number of interesting appendices written by people I know.

And there it was, on pages 69-70, a quotation from one Catriona Gordon (sic) the first woman minister in sole pastoral charge of a Baptist church in Scotland.  I had long forgotten being asked to write this stuff - it was more than two years ago, because I recall having to update it after the call to move north came.  It's nice to be part of the 'official' story, part of the history... just hope if they go to a reprint at some future date they'll spell my name correctly!!

Who knows just what interesting variants may occur in the far distant future once I'm not there to spot them!!

Having just sneezed, and hoping I'm not getting a cold, I found myself realising how different things are this year than last:

• That I was safe to travel on trains for substantial distances this weekend, to see people who have been exposed to different viruses and bacteria than I have.
• That a cold is just a cold not a life-threatening illness
• That having a flu jab (jag) this afternoon is merely a wise precaution not a potential life saver (well, it is, but not in the same way as last year); and that I don't have to time it to a 'good' week blood-wise
• That I am able to be in crowds of people and not worry if any of them sniff, sneeze or cough (though I still wish they'd cover their mouths/noses!).

This time last year I was just getting on with what I had to get on with... I certainly didn't obssess over the possibility that a cold could kill me... but it's so much nicer that this year a cold becomes what it ought to be, an unwlecome intrusion in an otherwise healthy life.

One metaphor that some people find helpful in talking about faith is that of a mountain.  The peak of the mountain represents the core essentials, the things that are absolutely vital if someone wishes to term themself a Christian (or a whatever).  Moving down the mountain come things that are less clear cut and over which there may be diverse opinion and even some variety.  The lower you go, the wider the acceptable perspectives and the greater the diversity.

So, f'rinstance, central to Chirstianity would be something about the triune God, the person and work of Christ, about atonement and redemption, about the Holy Spirit.  Whilst there is no one precise way of understanding any of these complex doctrines, they are central to what Christianity is and are non-negotiable.  Exactly which doctrines will form the central core, the high peak of the mountain, and how they are understood and expressed is something where people will vary in their views, but there is broad agreement.

And also f'rinstance, right at the bottom of the mountain, or even beyond its foothills, would be the things that no-one bothers about very much (from an acceptability/authenticity perpective anyway), such as vestments, building architecture, seating arrangments or hymn books.  I may prefer a suit, a flexible space, curves and a range of hymns whilst you love cassocks, cathedrals, lines and HA&M but neither of us is going to fall out over it or accuse the other of heresy!

And then the things part way up the mountain, often the tricky and sticky ethical debates, the things that didn't exist in Bible times, the things where scientific discovery challenges traditional views, the things where pastoral responses are not black and white.  These are scattered along the moutainside and may move up or down its slopes over time.  These are, I suggest, the elephants.  Among those in recent years (i.e. the last century or so) are ordination of women, marriage of people previously divorced, blood transfusions and organ tranpslantation, assisted conception, just war and human seuxuality.  Some of these elephants have proved bigger and more stubborn than others.  Some that were enormous a generation ago (I still have books published in the 1980s that denounce fertility treatment) have vanished (hiow many churches are actively praying for couples undergoing IVF as if this were the most natural thing in the world?).  Others seem to grow and grow and to climb higher and higher up the mountain until, well, they turn in to mountains, or even shibboleths, in their own right. 

It is a fact that every now and then I will be blanked (ignored, walked past) by other Baptist ministers just because I happen to have the 'wrong' chromosomal configuration.  For some people this elephant is alive and well and is fed regularly.  Now I don't mind people having a different view - it took me many years to come round to the idea - but I do mind that the elephant becomes bigger than the mountain, that this one thing is the definition of 'soundness' irrespective of what they or I might believe about Christ.

Over recent months the elephant of human sexuality has once again been fed a lot and is growing bigger.  As churches and individuals become polarised in their thinking, unable to listen to or hear from one another, it moves higher and higher up the mountain.  The trouble is that most of us - myself included - most of the time try to walk round it or to wish it away, and that simply isn't going to happen.  Sooner of later we all, individually and collectively, need to face the elephant and lead it to its rightful place on the mountain - which surely cannot be at the peak, can it?

This issue is about to become very live in BUS circles - some statements will be made at the upcoming Assembly.  Please, if it's your thing, pray for those who wrestle with the challenges of devising a form of words that will hold to the core without being destructive or devisive.  Please pray for those in all churches (and there will be people in ALL churches) who are directly impacted by pronouncements on the accpetability of their sexuality.  Please pray for those in pastoral ministry who do their flawed best to serve Christ as sheepdogs or shepherds on the side of a rugged and sometimes precipitous mountain.