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A Skinny Fairtrade Latte in the Food Court of Life - Page 849

  • Fun at the Fayre

    So, a long day at the Spring Fayre later time for a couple of funny moments...

    One of the items I donated was a squirrel nutcracker like this one:

    nutcracker squirrel norpro.jpg

    It attracted a fair deal of derision and caused much amusement, yet no-one wanted to buy it.  I nicknamed it the 'double your money' item as per the lunchtime TV programme 'Car Booty.'  A few minutes before the end of the Fayre I noticed it had gone and commented on this to the stall holder: no he hadn't sold it, neither had his colleague... it appears it had been nicked!

    Talking of nicked, one of the items I spotted on the bric-a-brac stall was a collection of seven pencils held together with a rubber band for the princely sum of 10p. which I duly paid - pencils which I had lent out in a church service and which had mysteriously walked.  Which just goes to show it's the little old ladies you have to watch out for.

    All good fun.  We raised about £1k for the redevelopment fund, saw lots of people come through the doors and had some good conversations.

    And if the nutcracker-napper is out there, we forgive you.

  • Selling Indulgences

    Last night as we set up for the Spring Fayre (which looks amazing) someone asked me if I was going to run a stall selling indulgences.  After postulating selling blessings at 10p a word (cheaper than the Herald personal ads...) deducing that pigs' blood might contravene 'elf and satey' and that chicken bones were a little too obvious, I will be supplying hand crafted vanilla slices and fresh cream strawberry slices for anyone who craves a little indulgence.  Hurrah for Sainsbugs (other brands are available) pre-rolled puff pastry!

    Other delights for those seeking some edible Saturday indulgence include homemade tablet (~fudge), marmalade, chutney, banana bread, cookies and sponges.  Should be a good day.

  • Galatians 3, Matthew 5 and Football

    Plagiarising Sean's Galatians 3 Bible study at Baptist Assembly two years ago, pre-empting my sermon on Sunday, and noting the views of two of my blog-friends here and here: in Christ there is neither Gooners nor Spurs but until we get our heads around that... love your rivals, pray for those who trounce you.

  • Chocolate Twist Thingies

    This morning was an early start necessitating two car trips to church to deliver the boxes of books, bric-a-brac, and so forth for the church Spring Fayre.  Even with the benefits of a lift at home, the energy expended in moving the boxes from a legal parking space (the parking wardens were out at 7:30) justified, in my opinion, a trip to the independent coffee house for a take out skinny-skinny latte and 'quelquechose a manger.'  Checking out what was on offer I saw something called a 'tournade au choclat' - basically a twist of puff pastry with chocolate chips and gloopy stuff down the middle (tastes way better than it sounds).  The man repeating my order back to me said 'a tournade or chocolate - or "one of them chocolate twist thingies" as some people say'.  Indeed.

    Last night was spent baking cookies on behalf of Millie Mole.  It is quite problematic sharing your life with a fur fabric creature as suddenly they start to dictate your actions (I think there is a nice place for people so affected where the staff wear white coats and the doors are incredibly tricky to open from the inside...).  Anyway, Millie Mole's Cookies are now made and almost ready to go on sale.  Plagiarism?  Nah.  Not much.

    Hopefully lots of people will come along tomorrow to buy all the stuff we have on offer, both raising some money for the (re-)development fund and allowing us to get to know our neighbours better.   Meantime I better do something a little more overtly ministerial than talking about food.

  • Administratium

    Having just Googled this term, I feel old!  I realise I have known this spoof almost since its inception as it spread rapidly through the nuclear industry (that is to say, the spoof spread, the element was already present in abundance!) and was displayed on almost every noticeboard.  Of late it seems that I have been affected by its presence in copious quantities not in church but in life in general - just how many address change letters does one need to write to just how many organisations, how many confirmatory emails, how many phone calls to correct the assorted foul ups?  Anyway, Ruth, if you are reading, this constitutes excuse No 38572351 (or some such) as to why research has not been happening.  I *think* I've now just about excised all the pockets of this pernicious substance for the time-being but it does reappear very readily.

    Enjoy:

    This bit of humor was written in April 1988 and appeared in the January 1989 issue of The Physics Teacher. William DeBuvitz is a physics professor at Middlesex County College in Edison, New Jersey (USA). He retired in June of 2000.

    The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by investigators at a major U.S. research university. The element, tentatively named administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.

    Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than a second.

    Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.

    Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities. It can usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings.

    Scientists point out that administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.