Having just Googled this term, I feel old! I realise I have known this spoof almost since its inception as it spread rapidly through the nuclear industry (that is to say, the spoof spread, the element was already present in abundance!) and was displayed on almost every noticeboard. Of late it seems that I have been affected by its presence in copious quantities not in church but in life in general - just how many address change letters does one need to write to just how many organisations, how many confirmatory emails, how many phone calls to correct the assorted foul ups? Anyway, Ruth, if you are reading, this constitutes excuse No 38572351 (or some such) as to why research has not been happening. I *think* I've now just about excised all the pockets of this pernicious substance for the time-being but it does reappear very readily.
Enjoy:
This bit of humor was written in April 1988 and appeared in the January 1989 issue of The Physics Teacher. William DeBuvitz is a physics professor at Middlesex County College in Edison, New Jersey (USA). He retired in June of 2000.
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by investigators at a major U.S. research university. The element, tentatively named administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than a second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.
Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities. It can usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.