Most (but not yet all) of the financial and practical matters following my Mum's death are now dealt with. I am negotiating with siblings when we might inter her ashes. Although the first 'first' is now not so far away (her birthday, in August) life is filling up with normality.
And then there are the off guard moments when I find myself thinking, 'ooh, I must remmeber to tell Mum that...' or 'that will really annoy Mum...' (I have to experience the, 'I must ask Mum about...') and of course I can't and it won't. And I know that. And yet.
And as adjustment continues, and my 'unguarded' slowly catches up with my 'conscious knowledge', life is as diverse as ever, mixing exciting and positive, with challenging or disappointing.
Here, there are green shoots and hopeful possibilties, which is encouraging and reassuring. A different kind of ongoing adjustment is needed to adapt to an ever changing context.
There's nothing novel about any of this, it's the same for everyone. For some reason, though, I am especially conscious of the impact of my own ongoing adjustment to a new 'phase' or 'stage' or 'chapter' - or whatever it is - in life.
For all that my Mum's life has taught and shown me, I am grateful to God,
And all that lies before me, I entrust to God
Who, amidst all change and challenge, is the one constant
Now and always.