... is dangerous.

Over the past few months I have had joint problems in my thumbs/wrists, sometimes also fingers and, it feels like now it seems possibly one ankle.  Although the acute phase has pretty much passed for my wrists, they are a lot weaker than they used to be.  Plus  I do a wonderful impression of an 117 year-old when I get up in a morning.  I am pretty well convinced that this is a drug side effect, a rare one, but one that I have found a small number of others to be experiencing.

So, I've been doing some research into this and today found a proper research paper that not only supported my hypothesis but seemed to offer a possible solution... except that I was unaware of one important thing... the form of the drug that does not have these side effects ceased production in the UK in 2010.  Which is, I guess, why so many oncologists, GPs etc are not yet recognising the side effect I am experiencing.

It seems that somewhere between 13% of people taking adjuvant Tamoxifen in one of its three generic tablet forms available in the UK experience some degree of arthralgia (joint pain) but that people who were prescribed the Nolvadex form had no such side effects.  A research project showed that switching from generic forms to Nolvadex alleviated the arthralgia in about 95% of those in the trial. 

Whoopee, I thought, problem solved.  The danger of a little knowledge.  No, Nolvadex is no longer available, it ceased in summer 2010.

So, I think it behoves me to jump up and down a bit and make sure that those treating me know of the research so that they do not dismiss my effects.  Then, hopefully, in another decade the recorded incidence of joint pain using generic Tamoxifen will mean that the side effect finds its way onto the leaflets... or even better, someone will have sussed out which binding agent(s) are causing the problem and have sorted it out.

In the meantime (phrase of the moment) I will plod on with my Tamoxifen as sore wrists/thumbs/etc and old granny stiffness are infinitely preferrable to the alternative.  As another current phrase/saying goes: dayenu.

This evening's service included an approach to prayer somewhat akin to playing 'The Minister's Cat' or 'I went shopping and I bought...'

Just to prove I was paying attention, and to get the words out of my brain, this was our prayer

Thank you God for:

Animals

Bread

Children

Daffodils

Elephants

Fireworks

Gardens

Homes

Ink

Jesus

Kelvingrove Park

Love

Music

Nostalgia

Opera (but only Italian)

Parents

Quickness of mind

Road

Starlight

Television

Underground stations

Velocipedes

Woks

Xylophones

You

Zebras, zinc (and another I've forgotten!)

Brilliant, just brilliant!

Thanks to Holly for reminding me what V was for - the original version of the post said 'umm I forgot' then half an hour later I remembered and updated the post, which was probably after Holly had commented, but the joys of this platfom meant I only saw the comment this morning (Monday)!  Hopefully I will soon lose this list from my mind!!

Been a busy day - good busy - with church and then a Church Meeting.  I think we achieved a lot - it's tricky sometimes to know what has or hasn't been done as there aren't neat tidy measures for the kind of stuff we were doing.  But I am excited by it.  We have begun a review of OUR ministry, that is the ministry that is exercised by, with, among our church, not a review of how bad, indifferent or good the minister-type person might be.  It meant that a sizeable chunk of the meeting was small group work in which I did not participate, but instead spent around forty five minutes quietly reflecting.

I think, on the whole, the church is in pretty good shape, and I also think we have plenty of opportunities to go forward in the service of the Kingdom of God.  This is not the place to say too much about the meeting, save that from where I sat, it seemed to go pretty well.

In a few weeks time our leadership team has a half day away to reflect on the findings of the work the small groups did today... that feels like a good thing, and I am curious to see what emerges.

Going a way back this was a chase game that we loved playing as children.  Two teams lined up along the centre of a hall.  One called 'crusts' the other call 'crumbs'. An adult who was capable of rolling their Rs would say crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrusts or crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrumbs and one team would chase the other.  Anyone 'tagged' had to join the other team.  All good fun, a great way of tiring out children and nothing to do with the thought processes that inspired this post.  Oh dear, I really am morphing into Ronnie Corbett (... but I digress...)

As part of my preparations for the Passover Seder I am planning for Maundy Thursday, I have bought some new resource books, one a Christianised Seder Haggadah, and two Jewish book, one a kind of numpties guide to hosting a Seder (lots of recipes and practical advice) and the other what turns out to be a Jewish Feminist resource book for female-led family or all-female Seders.  The last of these is especially interesting, as it gives a glimpse into how Judaism is facing some of the same challenges that Christianity on questions of inclusion/exclusion, marginalisation, minority groups and so forth.  One chapter was curiously titled 'an orange on the seder plate' and is built around the idea that a new symbol can be added to represent the continued marignalisiation or exclusion of various groups. 

The back story is interesting, and seemingly it began with a rabbi speaking on human sexuality and saying "there's as much room for a lesbian in Judasim as there is for a crust of bread on the seder plate."  Irrespective of anyone's views on human sexuality, the power of the comment is incredibly striking.  Seemingly people started sneaking crusts of bread onto seder plates in a form of ritualised defiance.  The use of oranges (I am guessing a literary reference, the book doesn't say) is more subtle, it does not defile the seder plate (the crust of bread introduces leven which is prohibited) and, arguably, can be used to serve as a reminder of any or all marginalised groups - the author notes that she has expicitly used this to symbolise the subtle marginalisation of widows.

I think what looking at these books has done for me, already, is to offer crumbs of understanding of the shocking nature of what Jesus did in the upper room.  If putting a crust of bread or an orange on the seder plate transforms the significance of the whole experience, then how much more so someone having the audacity to lift up the matzot and claim it represented his body and the cup (whichever one it was) and claiming it stood for his blood.  I think it is curious that both Christians and Jews are tinkering with the details of the Haggadah in order to make it meaningful for their own contexts.  I don't think I wil be putting oranges, or indeed any, non-traditional symbols on my seder plate, and I certainly don't plan on using levened bread for the communion bit, but I am challenged to consider the power of the symbols used and not used in expressing profound messages.

More little gems from these books may well appear over coming weeks:

The Women's Seder Sourcebook Ed Rabbi Sharon Cohen Anisfield, Tara Mohr and Catherine Spector pub. Jewish Lights Publishing, 2003

Passover Seders Made Simple, Zell Schulman, Idg Books, 2001

Celebrating an Authentic Passover Seder, Joseph M Stallings, Resource Publications Inc, 1994

The last of these is the Christian one.

I have lost count of the number of 'friend' requests I have received from people on Facebook (though I have also discovered that after about three years they do stop sending reminders!).  I am a bit wary of it as platform, so when I finally gave in today and signed up (I'm the one with my name who has the picture of a cat if you are wanting to look; the other one lives about 20 miles away) I set my privacy settings pretty high - or at least those I understood.  I seriously hope I do not fall prey to Facebook addiction, I spend more than enough time online already.  For the foreseeable, I will remain mostly a blogger... I find this kind of platform easy to use (even if commenting is unpredictable) but, yes, I finally gave in and joined the ranks of sad Facebook folk.

Amusingly, I already have three Facebook friends, as I had three extant, outstanding requests.  I think I sent about three myself then gave up... If you are on the dreaded platfom and want to be my online friend, I'm sure you'll find me, and/or my namesake easily enough.